Read Any Good Books Lately?
Promise extracted; promise regretted17 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Liz,
I liked the idea of each sharing their chance meeting, getting inside their heads. I think there was flirtation on both sides. But Steven was a little over the top... I dare say, a little reckless. However, Liz fell for it.
Now, I must ask... were you the "Liz"?
There was definitely a connection. And that was the highlight of the story. You both had significant others at home, so freedom was reigning a bit. Boundaries were being pushed.
I enjoyed it, but the print could have been slightly larger for these old eyes.
I was dug in, so to speak, and I made several suggestions. Some you might appreciate. Others you'll disregard. But hopefully, a few will make your story a bit tighter. Take them with a "spoonful of sugar". Okay?
"He assured me that I was entitled to take time for myself, especially doing something productive, something to be proud of." ... (I suggest,
He assured me that I was entitled to take time for myself, especially doing something productive, something of which to be proud.)
"I nodded my understanding and likewise expressed disappointment that our acquaintance had come to an end." ... (I suggest,
I nodded my understanding and likewise expressed disappointment that our happenstance had come to an end.)
"I stalled, shared my painful story about Kate. I acknowledged that he doubtless had the best of intentions, but that, realistically, given his whirlwind work life, did he really have time to read my book?" ... (I suggest,
I stalled, then shared my painful story about Kate. I acknowledged that he doubtless had the best of intentions, but realistically, given his whirlwind career, did he really have time to read my book?)
"Steven called the very next day, as I'd known he would." ... (I suggest,
Steven called the very next day, as I reckoned he would.)
"I relished each day, knowing it got me that much closer to when I'd hear from Steven." ... (I suggest,
I relished each day, knowing it got me that much closer to when I'd hear from Steven again.)
"After a couple of weeks elapsed without word, I figured he was savoring my story and was waiting until he finished." ... ( I suggest,
After a couple of weeks elapsed without word, I hoped he was savoring my story and was waiting until he finished.)
"(Tow) months later it came." ... (Two)
"the envelope's heft indicated a meticulous response, a profuse outpouring of how my words had affected him."
( I suggest,
the envelope's heft indicated a meticulous response, perhaps a profuse outpouring of how my words had affected him.)
"The moment of mystery solved had arrived, just a cut to the quick away." ... (I suggest,
The mystery was about to be solved.)
"I slashed open the envelope. To find Steven's company quarterly newsletter and stock report." ... ( I suggest,
I slashed open the envelope, only to find Steven's company's quarterly newsletter and stock report.)
Just long enough to look him in the eye and say sweetly: Read any good books lately?" ...(missing quotation mark,
Just long enough to look him in the eye and say sweetly: "Read any good books lately?")
"Truth is, I made an ass of (myself). That (itself) wasn't the end of the world." ... ( myself/itself too close, I suggest,
Truth is, I made an ass of myself. A blunder.)
"But this business about begging her to send (herbook)" ... (But this business about begging her to send her book)
"The morning of, I had a couple to steel myself, Then afterwards a few to unwind, since, what the hell, all that's left was hop a cab, catch my plane, and crash, so to speak." ... ( I suggest,
The morning of, I had a couple to steel myself. Then afterwards, a few to unwind. What the hell, conference over, I'd be hopping a cab, catching my plane, and crashing, so to speak.)
"which maybe accounts for (my) running (my) mouth as I did." ... (I suggest,
which maybe accounts for running my mouth as I did.)
"Well, not right away - but during the flight even before the booze had worn off I was already kicking myself."
(I suggest,
Well, not right away - but during the flight, even before the booze had worn off, I was already kicking myself.)
"I figure I'd owed her that much - besides I was curious." ... (I suggest,
I owed her that much - besides I was curious.)
"It was too soon to tell, really, if (I) would have held my interest." ... ( I suggest,
Too soon to tell, really, if it would have held my interest.)
Great story!
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Hi Liz,
I liked the idea of each sharing their chance meeting, getting inside their heads. I think there was flirtation on both sides. But Steven was a little over the top... I dare say, a little reckless. However, Liz fell for it.
Now, I must ask... were you the "Liz"?
There was definitely a connection. And that was the highlight of the story. You both had significant others at home, so freedom was reigning a bit. Boundaries were being pushed.
I enjoyed it, but the print could have been slightly larger for these old eyes.
I was dug in, so to speak, and I made several suggestions. Some you might appreciate. Others you'll disregard. But hopefully, a few will make your story a bit tighter. Take them with a "spoonful of sugar". Okay?
"He assured me that I was entitled to take time for myself, especially doing something productive, something to be proud of." ... (I suggest,
He assured me that I was entitled to take time for myself, especially doing something productive, something of which to be proud.)
"I nodded my understanding and likewise expressed disappointment that our acquaintance had come to an end." ... (I suggest,
I nodded my understanding and likewise expressed disappointment that our happenstance had come to an end.)
"I stalled, shared my painful story about Kate. I acknowledged that he doubtless had the best of intentions, but that, realistically, given his whirlwind work life, did he really have time to read my book?" ... (I suggest,
I stalled, then shared my painful story about Kate. I acknowledged that he doubtless had the best of intentions, but realistically, given his whirlwind career, did he really have time to read my book?)
"Steven called the very next day, as I'd known he would." ... (I suggest,
Steven called the very next day, as I reckoned he would.)
"I relished each day, knowing it got me that much closer to when I'd hear from Steven." ... (I suggest,
I relished each day, knowing it got me that much closer to when I'd hear from Steven again.)
"After a couple of weeks elapsed without word, I figured he was savoring my story and was waiting until he finished." ... ( I suggest,
After a couple of weeks elapsed without word, I hoped he was savoring my story and was waiting until he finished.)
"(Tow) months later it came." ... (Two)
"the envelope's heft indicated a meticulous response, a profuse outpouring of how my words had affected him."
( I suggest,
the envelope's heft indicated a meticulous response, perhaps a profuse outpouring of how my words had affected him.)
"The moment of mystery solved had arrived, just a cut to the quick away." ... (I suggest,
The mystery was about to be solved.)
"I slashed open the envelope. To find Steven's company quarterly newsletter and stock report." ... ( I suggest,
I slashed open the envelope, only to find Steven's company's quarterly newsletter and stock report.)
Just long enough to look him in the eye and say sweetly: Read any good books lately?" ...(missing quotation mark,
Just long enough to look him in the eye and say sweetly: "Read any good books lately?")
"Truth is, I made an ass of (myself). That (itself) wasn't the end of the world." ... ( myself/itself too close, I suggest,
Truth is, I made an ass of myself. A blunder.)
"But this business about begging her to send (herbook)" ... (But this business about begging her to send her book)
"The morning of, I had a couple to steel myself, Then afterwards a few to unwind, since, what the hell, all that's left was hop a cab, catch my plane, and crash, so to speak." ... ( I suggest,
The morning of, I had a couple to steel myself. Then afterwards, a few to unwind. What the hell, conference over, I'd be hopping a cab, catching my plane, and crashing, so to speak.)
"which maybe accounts for (my) running (my) mouth as I did." ... (I suggest,
which maybe accounts for running my mouth as I did.)
"Well, not right away - but during the flight even before the booze had worn off I was already kicking myself."
(I suggest,
Well, not right away - but during the flight, even before the booze had worn off, I was already kicking myself.)
"I figure I'd owed her that much - besides I was curious." ... (I suggest,
I owed her that much - besides I was curious.)
"It was too soon to tell, really, if (I) would have held my interest." ... ( I suggest,
Too soon to tell, really, if it would have held my interest.)
Great story!
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 30-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Thanks for your engagement and your meticulous suggestions--sorry to say, I am unable to amend text--no editing privileges--so typos and such must stand--I wrote in my voice and conjured his--sentence fragments and such are intentional. So glad you liked the piece!
Comment from Spitfire
This was a great read. I kept crossing my fingers for Steven to give Liz positive feedback. I had a friend insist I read his novel. Other friends gave positive feedback. In all honesty, I couldn't. Sigh!! I wrote a play about it though.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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This was a great read. I kept crossing my fingers for Steven to give Liz positive feedback. I had a friend insist I read his novel. Other friends gave positive feedback. In all honesty, I couldn't. Sigh!! I wrote a play about it though.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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I know Steven would have sworn he was sincere, up until the time he sobered up. He didn't mean to hurt me, but still...how I'd loved to have had occasion to make him squirm by tossing him the title/punchline. What's the play? I'd NEVER pester anyone to read my work--be careful what you wish for!
Comment from Midi O'Rourke
Very well written monologue. I think Steve's response is accurate. I have been there. Two very good friends asked to read my work. I sent them three stories. No response. Second day, no response. Wow! I had just sent them a part of me. I called to let them know who I thought.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Very well written monologue. I think Steve's response is accurate. I have been there. Two very good friends asked to read my work. I sent them three stories. No response. Second day, no response. Wow! I had just sent them a part of me. I called to let them know who I thought.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Thankssssss! I know Steven would have sworn he was sincere, up until the time he sobered up. He didn't mean to hurt me, but still...how I'd loved to have had occasion to make him squirm by tossing him the title/punchline. Cheers. LIZ
Comment from BethShelby
I remember reading other of you acts where you got into the minds of all of the characters evolved. I'm sure a lot of it is pretty accurate. You seem to understand people well enough to create whatever character you want. No wonder you are a good writer. It is hard for me to get out of my own head and I haven't figured out how to get into someone elses.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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I remember reading other of you acts where you got into the minds of all of the characters evolved. I'm sure a lot of it is pretty accurate. You seem to understand people well enough to create whatever character you want. No wonder you are a good writer. It is hard for me to get out of my own head and I haven't figured out how to get into someone elses.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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This is alas inspired by truth. I know Steven would have sworn he was sincere, up until the time he sobered up. He didn't mean to hurt me, but still...how I'd loved to have had occasion to make him squirm by tossing him the title/punchline. Cheers. LIZ
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I don't even show my family anymore. They will ask if I'm still writing, can they have a signed copy, they will read it and leave a review. I give them all a copy, not one of my family read my books. They don't get a copy anymore, if they want one, they can buy it. The women all love books and are always reading ... except mine. So I don't get carried away and think I'm the worlds greatest unknown writer!!! LOL.
I wanted to go and thump that Kate, what was wrong with her? And him, WALLY! Now I'd like very much to have a part two. The author, (you) hit the big time, it's a best seller, you're having book signings everywhere, and there they are, standing in line, bragging how they know you, even got your manuscript. And then, you pretend you don't know who they are!!!
Okay, you can write it better!! Lol. I really enjoyed this one, Liz, and to know that happened with Kate, grrrrr, teeth bared, and drooling white froth!
Well done, loved this! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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I don't even show my family anymore. They will ask if I'm still writing, can they have a signed copy, they will read it and leave a review. I give them all a copy, not one of my family read my books. They don't get a copy anymore, if they want one, they can buy it. The women all love books and are always reading ... except mine. So I don't get carried away and think I'm the worlds greatest unknown writer!!! LOL.
I wanted to go and thump that Kate, what was wrong with her? And him, WALLY! Now I'd like very much to have a part two. The author, (you) hit the big time, it's a best seller, you're having book signings everywhere, and there they are, standing in line, bragging how they know you, even got your manuscript. And then, you pretend you don't know who they are!!!
Okay, you can write it better!! Lol. I really enjoyed this one, Liz, and to know that happened with Kate, grrrrr, teeth bared, and drooling white froth!
Well done, loved this! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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I know Steven would have sworn he was sincere, up until the time he sobered up. He didn't mean to hurt me, but still...how I'd loved to have had occasion to make him squirm by tossing him the title/punchline.
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Me too!! Hey, I can see your new hair colour now! It really suits you. You'll have to stay that colour from now on. It's lovely! xx
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Thanks--I plan to keep it! I assumed I'd have half-assed grey like my mother--glad I got my father's silver!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
To be completely honest, I really want to read the rest of this play. I don't want it to end here.
Tow months later it came (Two???)
But this business about begging her to send herbook (her book???)
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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To be completely honest, I really want to read the rest of this play. I don't want it to end here.
Tow months later it came (Two???)
But this business about begging her to send herbook (her book???)
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Thanks--can't edit to fix typos, darn!
I know Steven would have sworn he was sincere, up until the time he sobered up. He didn't mean to hurt me, but still...how I'd loved to have had occasion to make him squirm by tossing him the title/punchline.
Comment from Mary Vigasin
I guess Steven's sincerity and interest came from a six pack.
The hardest part came from opening the envelope to find it was just a corporate garbage.
Spelling - two months later. Separate herbook
Best wishes
Mary
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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I guess Steven's sincerity and interest came from a six pack.
The hardest part came from opening the envelope to find it was just a corporate garbage.
Spelling - two months later. Separate herbook
Best wishes
Mary
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Thanks--can't edit to fix typos, darn!
I know Steven would have sworn he was sincere, up until the time he sobered up. He didn't mean to hurt me, but still...how I'd loved to have had occasion to make him squirm by tossing him the title/punchline.
Comment from Wendy G
Sad, but it probably was pretty much like that. I have shown very few my writing. If they want to they can view it after I go, then I won't know one way or another if they have bothered (probably not) or if they like it or not. One grandson wanted to read one of my dog stories, said he enjoyed it, and asked for more - I did send him a couple of others, but got no response. So that's it - and they were just fun ones, nothing which made me feel exposed or vulnerable. I thought your writing was very authentic and realistic. Well done.
Wendy
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Sad, but it probably was pretty much like that. I have shown very few my writing. If they want to they can view it after I go, then I won't know one way or another if they have bothered (probably not) or if they like it or not. One grandson wanted to read one of my dog stories, said he enjoyed it, and asked for more - I did send him a couple of others, but got no response. So that's it - and they were just fun ones, nothing which made me feel exposed or vulnerable. I thought your writing was very authentic and realistic. Well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
I know Steven would have sworn he was sincere, up until the time he sobered up. He didn't mean to hurt me, but still...how I'd loved to have had occasion to make him squirm by tossing him the title/punchline.
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Thanks again--so many responded that they could relate to family and friends showing no interest--that's why I joined FS--glad I did--I was demoralized at the certainty that my work would go unread and die with me.
Comment from royowen
How interesting, he sounds like a decent bloke, but it's true what we write makes open to criticism, it makes us vulnerable, one of my reviewers declares he's not a Christian, so out of principle he disagrees, mind you, he never specifies, beautifully written Liz, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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How interesting, he sounds like a decent bloke, but it's true what we write makes open to criticism, it makes us vulnerable, one of my reviewers declares he's not a Christian, so out of principle he disagrees, mind you, he never specifies, beautifully written Liz, blessings Roy
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Thanks--can't edit to fix typos, darn!
I know Steven would have sworn he was sincere, up until the time he sobered up. He didn't mean to hurt me, but still...how I'd loved to have had occasion to make him squirm by tossing him the title/punchline.
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That?s right
Comment from karenina
Hey Liz! Love it when you bring forward one of your trademark savvy posts! This script is
remarkable. I can imagine the two, in their separate acts, relating the interaction from the polar opposite of emotions.
As a (self-described) writer I absolutely found myself sympathizing with you. How often we hold back! You'd extended your trust to Kate and (I think we are alike in this) you would have much preferred her to critique... even say thanks, but it wasn't to her liking because (insert plausible and intelligent reason)-- THAT would have been real! A reaction! An acknowledgment she'd read it, thought about it...
Indifference.
It's a knife that cuts deep.
The last reaction we want is NONE!
As for Steven...
The power of your writing is such that I had a major emotional swing from your Act One--
(truly decimated and bitter)-
to his Act Two:
(Self righteous, arrogant a$$h0l@ !!!)
Truly self-serving! The worst kind of cad. Doing what cads do best... "man-splaining"
and therefore blaming his "request" as a one-off. Strictly the result of some half-cocked idea of flirtation fueled by ego and alcohol...
The bastard still doesn't get it. The world according to Steven (in which he plays the center of the solar system)--does not allow for one iota of consideration (given what you'd confided about Kate!)--for how devastating his behavior was.
I found myself fantasizing about him stumbling and falling off the stage into the pit.
Not orchestea pit. SNAKES!
Alternative fantasy?
The book he ignored is published...hits the NYT's best seller list and he catches you--
Successful and FABULOUS...giving a televised interview on your whirlwind book tour...
In which you breezily account the encounter with that loser on the beach...
Alrighty then! You tapped into my writer's insecurity and my worst fears about trusting anyone at all with the essence of who I am (and you are)-- right there between the lines, if only "they" would look!
A zillion stars. I've got six...
Karenina
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
|
Hey Liz! Love it when you bring forward one of your trademark savvy posts! This script is
remarkable. I can imagine the two, in their separate acts, relating the interaction from the polar opposite of emotions.
As a (self-described) writer I absolutely found myself sympathizing with you. How often we hold back! You'd extended your trust to Kate and (I think we are alike in this) you would have much preferred her to critique... even say thanks, but it wasn't to her liking because (insert plausible and intelligent reason)-- THAT would have been real! A reaction! An acknowledgment she'd read it, thought about it...
Indifference.
It's a knife that cuts deep.
The last reaction we want is NONE!
As for Steven...
The power of your writing is such that I had a major emotional swing from your Act One--
(truly decimated and bitter)-
to his Act Two:
(Self righteous, arrogant a$$h0l@ !!!)
Truly self-serving! The worst kind of cad. Doing what cads do best... "man-splaining"
and therefore blaming his "request" as a one-off. Strictly the result of some half-cocked idea of flirtation fueled by ego and alcohol...
The bastard still doesn't get it. The world according to Steven (in which he plays the center of the solar system)--does not allow for one iota of consideration (given what you'd confided about Kate!)--for how devastating his behavior was.
I found myself fantasizing about him stumbling and falling off the stage into the pit.
Not orchestea pit. SNAKES!
Alternative fantasy?
The book he ignored is published...hits the NYT's best seller list and he catches you--
Successful and FABULOUS...giving a televised interview on your whirlwind book tour...
In which you breezily account the encounter with that loser on the beach...
Alrighty then! You tapped into my writer's insecurity and my worst fears about trusting anyone at all with the essence of who I am (and you are)-- right there between the lines, if only "they" would look!
A zillion stars. I've got six...
Karenina
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
Thankssssss! I know Steven would have sworn he was sincere, up until the time he sobered up. He didn't mean to hurt me, but still...how I'd loved to have had occasion to make him squirm by tossing him the title/punchline. Someone else above offered a similar fame fantasy!
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Hey! GREAT PHOTO of you!
Loved this script...
