Tasting The Tang
Enjoying the restless excess of wild weather.14 total reviews
Comment from Debbie Pope
I don't know how to write free verse so I paid particular attention to your technique. You create wonderful images using every writing technique but rhythm and rhyme. What came to my attention the most is that there are so many memorable lines. I like "gritty grains ground fine" and then continuing with the gritty 'g' sound, "greeting the gusty gale." When you speak of seaweed, you switch to the slithery 's' sound, "Seaweed's sinuous slitherings." What a great way to use sounds to complement meaning.
I love your title as well. It drew me in although, I must admit, I was expecting a throw back poem about the orange juice substitute. I love to be surprised and I'm sure you did that on purpose. That was an exceptional move.
You clearly know what you are doing. Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
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I don't know how to write free verse so I paid particular attention to your technique. You create wonderful images using every writing technique but rhythm and rhyme. What came to my attention the most is that there are so many memorable lines. I like "gritty grains ground fine" and then continuing with the gritty 'g' sound, "greeting the gusty gale." When you speak of seaweed, you switch to the slithery 's' sound, "Seaweed's sinuous slitherings." What a great way to use sounds to complement meaning.
I love your title as well. It drew me in although, I must admit, I was expecting a throw back poem about the orange juice substitute. I love to be surprised and I'm sure you did that on purpose. That was an exceptional move.
You clearly know what you are doing. Well done.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much for this thorough review, Debbie. I appreciate your comments. I didn't know about the orange juice substitute - is it called Tang? we don't have that here, so it was just a lucky coincidence rather than me doing it on purpose.
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It's really a lucky coincidence. I grew up drinking it. You can still buy it.
Comment from kahpot
Yes the curlew's cry we have many here and they are loud, I love the use of your descriptive words in this wonderful free verse poem, very well written and presented, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
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Yes the curlew's cry we have many here and they are loud, I love the use of your descriptive words in this wonderful free verse poem, very well written and presented, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2020
Comment from Billie Jo Dess
This poem was interesting to me, the picture helped to illuminate the words and the descriptiveness of your poem. It seemed to jump around a bit in the beginning however your last two stanzas were really well done. I could follow your writing much better. The word turbulence in the first part really threw me a bit as I tend to think of an airplane and not footprints in the sand. Though I know that the ocean can be quite turbulent at times. I'm not quite sure what you were going for so I'm not quite sure how to offer a suggestion (turbulence). I did like the arms open wide I could see someone standing there with their arms open as a mist comes in from the sea. Thank you for this. I appreciate the time you put into it.
Billie Jo
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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This poem was interesting to me, the picture helped to illuminate the words and the descriptiveness of your poem. It seemed to jump around a bit in the beginning however your last two stanzas were really well done. I could follow your writing much better. The word turbulence in the first part really threw me a bit as I tend to think of an airplane and not footprints in the sand. Though I know that the ocean can be quite turbulent at times. I'm not quite sure what you were going for so I'm not quite sure how to offer a suggestion (turbulence). I did like the arms open wide I could see someone standing there with their arms open as a mist comes in from the sea. Thank you for this. I appreciate the time you put into it.
Billie Jo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2020
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Fabulous alliteration. And such fresh and vivid imagery. I rarely give six stars--(only 8 in 2 months) but given the mediocre stuff we feel obliged to award an auto-five, I could not in good conscience simply give you same. Superb. Cheers. LIZ
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Fabulous alliteration. And such fresh and vivid imagery. I rarely give six stars--(only 8 in 2 months) but given the mediocre stuff we feel obliged to award an auto-five, I could not in good conscience simply give you same. Superb. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 17-Mar-2020
