Lights Out
(bill paid: no fair!) Deathbed revelations33 total reviews
Comment from Aaron Rodenburg
Very gripping script through paragraph "Charlie drooped dead of a heart attack..." You lost me at the psychic scene, which is not too far fetched but had a completely different feel to it. But believe me, before that scene, you had me. Anne's voice, at some point in the closing scene, was overtaken by the authors opinion of what happens at death. Hard to tell where though. Again, damn good opening. Keep it up! Good luck!
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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2020
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Very gripping script through paragraph "Charlie drooped dead of a heart attack..." You lost me at the psychic scene, which is not too far fetched but had a completely different feel to it. But believe me, before that scene, you had me. Anne's voice, at some point in the closing scene, was overtaken by the authors opinion of what happens at death. Hard to tell where though. Again, damn good opening. Keep it up! Good luck!
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Comment Written 14-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2020
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Thank you, Aaron for your thoughtful remarks. Yes, the psychic part certainly is a frameshift. I intended the digression to illustrate Anne's credulity in her desperation to believe her husband and son are peacefully awaiting her pending arrival. I get your excellent point that the ramble breaks the spell, so to speak. Perhaps I should omit it. I await further feedback on this piece, given your comments. Thank you so much! Cheers. LIZ (P.S. The ending is not based so much on my opinion of what (doesn't) happen, but rather on my HOPE that dead is DEAD. The idea of an afterlife horrifies me. The only immortality I want is via my work to survive me!)
Comment from Michele Harber
Ouch! I was just getting this calm, reassuring feeling when you pulled the rug out from under me. This is a very well written and powerful story.
I'm happy to say I've never been in a position like Anne's but, from the outside looking in, her emotions seem very real and believable. She runs the natural gamut of fear and confusion and ultimate acceptance - going back, in her case, to fear. I'd like to think I'd approach death with her rationality, logic, inquisitiveness and, especially, sense of humor. If I can make someone laugh or smile when my end is near, I'll go out on a good note.
This is a very interesting and emotional script. As someone who studied acting in school and appeared in many shows, I couldn't help but think how wonderful this monologue would be as an audition piece or for a classroom performance. Its range of emotions would definitely highlight the performer's acting skills.
Just a few proofing notes:
- I'm know I'm making absolute zero sense here. [The first word should just be "I."]
- they have to and someone else into the mix ["And" should be "add."]
- I've have gone to church {Choose either "I've gone ..." or "I have gone."]
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2020
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Ouch! I was just getting this calm, reassuring feeling when you pulled the rug out from under me. This is a very well written and powerful story.
I'm happy to say I've never been in a position like Anne's but, from the outside looking in, her emotions seem very real and believable. She runs the natural gamut of fear and confusion and ultimate acceptance - going back, in her case, to fear. I'd like to think I'd approach death with her rationality, logic, inquisitiveness and, especially, sense of humor. If I can make someone laugh or smile when my end is near, I'll go out on a good note.
This is a very interesting and emotional script. As someone who studied acting in school and appeared in many shows, I couldn't help but think how wonderful this monologue would be as an audition piece or for a classroom performance. Its range of emotions would definitely highlight the performer's acting skills.
Just a few proofing notes:
- I'm know I'm making absolute zero sense here. [The first word should just be "I."]
- they have to and someone else into the mix ["And" should be "add."]
- I've have gone to church {Choose either "I've gone ..." or "I have gone."]
Comment Written 14-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2020
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Thank you Michele AKA Eagle Eyes. The fix(es) is(are) in! I'm pleased you liked this piece. I would love to perform it myself. Per my notes, production costs are nil. Cheers. LIZ
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You're very welcome. Proofreading and editing are my specialties, as I've done them professionally for some 35 years. If you ever want to publish anything, I currently proof and edit on a freelance basis.
That aside, I was very happy to help you with the few minor edits your script needed. You wrote a very good piece, and I just wanted to help you make it that tiny bit better.
Out of curiosity, are there any outlets for you to perform this, as it really does read as a performance piece?
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Wow -- now that is quite a performance for a one-act, one-actor play! Know you set it up like that for effect, but it worked... :) Thanx for sharing, my lady! ;)
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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2020
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Wow -- now that is quite a performance for a one-act, one-actor play! Know you set it up like that for effect, but it worked... :) Thanx for sharing, my lady! ;)
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Comment Written 13-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2020
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Thanks, Yvette. Wasn't sure if it worked--glad you thought it did!
Cheers. LIZ
