Comment from Jaq Cee

Good

I was a little lost by it all. Maybe it's me but I wasn't sure what you were trying to say. :( It's a bit choppy but I guess this is how you wanted it. Thanks for sharing. :) Jaq x

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013

THANKS.

Comment from Perp Ihebom

Excellent

You are definitely a serious-minded writer who wishes to make weighty statements in the world of letters. I like the thoughts i see in your works, but you really need to make your diction more understandable. cheers

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013

THANKS FOR YOUR APPRECIABLE COMMENTARY REVIEW.

Comment from Ceallach

Good

I am new to your writing so I can only comment on what is before me. I find this to be a complete thought that is not clear. Let me show you what I mean:

I gifted life, blood, (a well written line)
Light, sleepless-restless day-nights, (I believe the hyphen should be taken out between 'day-nights' and make 'day' plural 'days' then a comma - grammatically it would be correct)
As caressed, taught words. (well written line but I do believe the period should be replaced with a ';')
My word may hurt, you fear to (Take out 'My' insert 'words that' no capital letter and - if I am reading this correctly - 'to' should be 'too' and add a period, If I am not leave as is)
Disown me. Shame, how wonder! (semi-colan ; after shame).

I feel that a little tweeking will bring better understanding that is if I am reading this the way you may have intended. Thanks for writing a compelling poem.

C~

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013

THANKS.

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

This tanka is a fun description of being a parent from the baby to adult.

Good luck in the competition.

Keep writing

dragonpoet

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013

THANKS FOR YOUR NICE REVIEW.

reply by dragonpoet on 06-Apr-2013

No problem.

dragonpoet

Comment from CR Delport

Excellent

You express yourself in your own way. Your words carry your message and it is well delivered. Lovely art work to go with your poem.

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013

THANKS FOR YOUR NICE REVIEW.

Comment from misscookie

Excellent

The artwork that you choose for your poem
Truly sets the mood and is a perfect match.
There is a strong message within your write.
Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013

THANKS FOR YOUR ALLITERATIVE NICE REVIEW.

reply by misscookie on 07-Apr-2013

Your very welcome, have a blessed Sunday. Until next time.

Comment from Rondeno

Excellent

I feel that there is the kernel of an outstanding poem here. Maybe the last two words need working on? Are you saying that it fills you with wonder that a child, conscious of the mystical status of a parent, can feel shame when rebuked?

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013

THANKS FOR YOUR QUEST REVIEW.

Comment from Neil A Morrow

Excellent

This is a powerfully written piece of work that moves the reader and makes them think of their own experience and paints the picture in their soul. Truly inspiring. Well done.
Neil

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013

THANKS FOR YOUR FAIR REVIEW.

Comment from richardwarfe

Excellent

To me this about the responsibility of parenting and how our flaws can be forgiven and accepted so easily by our children, yet we push and punish with our words, any inadequacy we sense in them. Your words have struck a powerful chord with me and I salute you.

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013

THANKS FOR YOUR PROFESSIONAL REVIEW.

Comment from warbler

Good

The words in your poetry are powerful and expressive of strong emotion. The meaning of the poem however is not clear because of the way the words are put together .

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013

THANKS.