Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Banter!"Experiences of living
155 total reviews
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Alcreator Writer .... As a Tanka piece of writing, you have your syllable count correct in each line but, as a reader, I am left with the question as to what you
mean by the words in your last line .... Shame, how banter. To me, that doesn't make any sense the way you have presented it.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
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Hullo Alcreator Writer .... As a Tanka piece of writing, you have your syllable count correct in each line but, as a reader, I am left with the question as to what you
mean by the words in your last line .... Shame, how banter. To me, that doesn't make any sense the way you have presented it.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2006
Comment from L K Pinaire
It's a shameful banter when parents feel a child?(')s fear action leads isolatation
I had trouble understanding what you meant by "My word may hurt, you fear to
Disown me. Shame, how banter!" It's likely just me, but I couldn't figure this out.
Good writing,
Larry
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It's a shameful banter when parents feel a child?(')s fear action leads isolatation
I had trouble understanding what you meant by "My word may hurt, you fear to
Disown me. Shame, how banter!" It's likely just me, but I couldn't figure this out.
Good writing,
Larry
Comment Written 01-Apr-2006
Comment from Mrs Jones
I don't understand..."I gifted life, blood, " Also I always complain when a new sentence is started within a line for such short verse.
Sorry about the 4.
Cheers
Rose
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I don't understand..."I gifted life, blood, " Also I always complain when a new sentence is started within a line for such short verse.
Sorry about the 4.
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 01-Apr-2006
Comment from chelsmor
I had to work at this one, I am not comfortable with the tanka -
however, I am very familiar with the sentiment, and thus you deserve a great review for nailing the concept of parental discouragement when the child grows up and turns on mom or dad. Sometimes it is done in a very hurtful way, not a joking banter. I'm not certain if you mean this to be it is done jokingly, that is what banter means, but I AM certain of the betrayal felt when a child looks at mom and says 'you did it all wrong'.
Emotions come through clearly.
Excellent.
Chelsmor
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I had to work at this one, I am not comfortable with the tanka -
however, I am very familiar with the sentiment, and thus you deserve a great review for nailing the concept of parental discouragement when the child grows up and turns on mom or dad. Sometimes it is done in a very hurtful way, not a joking banter. I'm not certain if you mean this to be it is done jokingly, that is what banter means, but I AM certain of the betrayal felt when a child looks at mom and says 'you did it all wrong'.
Emotions come through clearly.
Excellent.
Chelsmor
Comment Written 31-Mar-2006
Comment from grannyeri
Playful teasing by children, with changing opinions that parents never know is true or not, can be hard for parents to deal with as their children grow older. Children when young need their parents, but are always thinking of themselves, I, very egotistical. As they approach teen age years they become ignorant at times, treating parents with such disdain that parents feel very left out of their child's life.
This poem brings those times into focus. Not nice, not fun! Well written, Easy to read and understand. Sentiments well expressed in these few lines.
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Playful teasing by children, with changing opinions that parents never know is true or not, can be hard for parents to deal with as their children grow older. Children when young need their parents, but are always thinking of themselves, I, very egotistical. As they approach teen age years they become ignorant at times, treating parents with such disdain that parents feel very left out of their child's life.
This poem brings those times into focus. Not nice, not fun! Well written, Easy to read and understand. Sentiments well expressed in these few lines.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2006
Comment from KING SLATON
I am certain the author knew exactly where they were going with this piece. Unfortunately, it was unclear to me. I do understand the subject matter well enough. It is the word choices that take me off track. To me it reads like broken prose. It's possible that I do not know enough about Tanka style.
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I am certain the author knew exactly where they were going with this piece. Unfortunately, it was unclear to me. I do understand the subject matter well enough. It is the word choices that take me off track. To me it reads like broken prose. It's possible that I do not know enough about Tanka style.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2006
Comment from Jewell McChesney
I gifted life blood, ( I don't get this line)
Light, sleepless (need comma here) restless (and here) day-nights, {why is that hyphened?
And caressed, taught words. (never start a sentence with "and")
My word may hurt, you fear and
Disown me. Shame your banter!
Oh man, I hate giving reviews with so many corrections.
But I will take this one risk.
Good luck with your changes needed to make this a good poem.
Jewell
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I gifted life blood, ( I don't get this line)
Light, sleepless (need comma here) restless (and here) day-nights, {why is that hyphened?
And caressed, taught words. (never start a sentence with "and")
My word may hurt, you fear and
Disown me. Shame your banter!
Oh man, I hate giving reviews with so many corrections.
But I will take this one risk.
Good luck with your changes needed to make this a good poem.
Jewell
Comment Written 30-Mar-2006
Comment from OldMan
The phrase that pops into my mind after reading your poem, and being a parent myself, is: "After all I've done for you, this is the thanks I get?"
Love your sentiment! A sermon well-spoken with such few words. Excellent work!
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The phrase that pops into my mind after reading your poem, and being a parent myself, is: "After all I've done for you, this is the thanks I get?"
Love your sentiment! A sermon well-spoken with such few words. Excellent work!
Comment Written 30-Mar-2006
Comment from EmileJP
The poem flows with a recognizable story of a parent's frustrations with a child, I'm just not sure that banter is the correct choice of words...it means (good humored exchange of teasing remarks), and I don't see how that fits this poem.
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The poem flows with a recognizable story of a parent's frustrations with a child, I'm just not sure that banter is the correct choice of words...it means (good humored exchange of teasing remarks), and I don't see how that fits this poem.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2006
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Alcreator,
I had to read your work several times. I finally put two and two together. You are bringing out the trails of parents bringing up a child. (in a kind of witty way when you say Shame your banter.( banter a joking way) Hope I am right??
Gert sherwood
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Hi Alcreator,
I had to read your work several times. I finally put two and two together. You are bringing out the trails of parents bringing up a child. (in a kind of witty way when you say Shame your banter.( banter a joking way) Hope I am right??
Gert sherwood
Comment Written 30-Mar-2006
