My First Cigarette
a 5/7/5 contest entry7 total reviews
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 5-7-5 writing prompt.
This short piece tells of the dangers of smoking.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the 5-7-5 writing prompt.
This short piece tells of the dangers of smoking.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 09-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2020
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thank you very much, Sharon. :)
gypsy
Comment from Aphthong
lol... So it is your personal experience.. Good write.. You could create a vivid imagery with those few words.. Good luck in the contest dear poet....
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2020
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lol... So it is your personal experience.. Good write.. You could create a vivid imagery with those few words.. Good luck in the contest dear poet....
Comment Written 09-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much for the review 😊
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
and the moral of this story is? (I think this ending is missing from the author's notes, that otherwise tell such a comlete story of the context of the poem).
The poem itself is clear and straightforward, particularly the first two lines. The third seems to have changed style somewhat, and doesn't fit too well.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2020
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and the moral of this story is? (I think this ending is missing from the author's notes, that otherwise tell such a comlete story of the context of the poem).
The poem itself is clear and straightforward, particularly the first two lines. The third seems to have changed style somewhat, and doesn't fit too well.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much for the review 😊
Comment from rspoet
You've written an excellent 5-7-5 poem for the contest
with very good description in the first two lines
and good grammatical connection.
The third line is an excellent satori reflection.
Great art work to match your words.
Hopefully, that first cig didn't lead to others.
Best wishes to you
Robert
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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You've written an excellent 5-7-5 poem for the contest
with very good description in the first two lines
and good grammatical connection.
The third line is an excellent satori reflection.
Great art work to match your words.
Hopefully, that first cig didn't lead to others.
Best wishes to you
Robert
Comment Written 08-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much for the review 😊
I smoked on and off for years until ten years ago. I'm happy to be tabacco free.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Nice work--and quite a TRUE! story you tell. Great closer with cool vibe gone up in smoke. Wishing for the sake of young lungs that cool vibes they think they convey by smoking got burnt beyond vibration. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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Nice work--and quite a TRUE! story you tell. Great closer with cool vibe gone up in smoke. Wishing for the sake of young lungs that cool vibes they think they convey by smoking got burnt beyond vibration. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 08-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much for the review
Comment from RShipp
All of the requirements have been met of a 5-7-5 poem.
A very serious topic for haiku. The illustration your picked to accompany your accurate to the story.
Best of luck in the 5-7-5 writing contest.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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All of the requirements have been met of a 5-7-5 poem.
A very serious topic for haiku. The illustration your picked to accompany your accurate to the story.
Best of luck in the 5-7-5 writing contest.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much for the review 😊
Comment from LisaMay
Your poem gets across the idea that teenagers think it is (was) cool to smoke, but there are usually unsafe consequences - in this case for the barley field, but ALWAYS for those dumb enough to do it. Advertising hype of 'coolness' has a lot to answer for. Nowadays it seems to be that idiotic Vaping. Sucking any foreign matter into your lungs seems incredibly stupid to me.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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Your poem gets across the idea that teenagers think it is (was) cool to smoke, but there are usually unsafe consequences - in this case for the barley field, but ALWAYS for those dumb enough to do it. Advertising hype of 'coolness' has a lot to answer for. Nowadays it seems to be that idiotic Vaping. Sucking any foreign matter into your lungs seems incredibly stupid to me.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much for the review 😊