A(n) (ab)NORMAL FAMILY
There's a monster in my room Momma.18 total reviews
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow writer. Thank you for sharing your story, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Hello fellow writer. Thank you for sharing your story, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much for reading my story. Your comments are inspiring and your stars are wonderful.
Comment from JudyE
That's a very clever way to get the children's rooms tidied up. A pity it won't last a bit longer. lol
If it's okay, I picked up a few points:
"QUIET, up there! - speech marks needed after 'there'
"Okay." I replied. The book I'm reading is boring, - comma needed after 'okay', period after boring'. Is she speaking this bit about the book? If so, it needs speech marks.
"A Window Monster scared me Momma. - comma after 'me'
He's scratching on my window." Responded my teary eyed three-year old Sarah, standing in her brother's bedroom. - lower case for 'responded'. Hyphenate 'teary-eyed'
"I want to see the Window Monster." Said Billy, four-years old, bare feet slapping on the wooden floor. - comma after 'Monster', lower case for 'said'. And I might have said 'said four-year-old Billy, ...'
and cut a branch off the Ash. - I would use lower case for 'ash'
"Oh my gosh Sarah, no wonder monsters - comma after 'gosh'
"The Monster kicked them under my bed and knocked them off my hangers." Replied Sarah. - comma after 'hangers', lower case for 'replied'
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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That's a very clever way to get the children's rooms tidied up. A pity it won't last a bit longer. lol
If it's okay, I picked up a few points:
"QUIET, up there! - speech marks needed after 'there'
"Okay." I replied. The book I'm reading is boring, - comma needed after 'okay', period after boring'. Is she speaking this bit about the book? If so, it needs speech marks.
"A Window Monster scared me Momma. - comma after 'me'
He's scratching on my window." Responded my teary eyed three-year old Sarah, standing in her brother's bedroom. - lower case for 'responded'. Hyphenate 'teary-eyed'
"I want to see the Window Monster." Said Billy, four-years old, bare feet slapping on the wooden floor. - comma after 'Monster', lower case for 'said'. And I might have said 'said four-year-old Billy, ...'
and cut a branch off the Ash. - I would use lower case for 'ash'
"Oh my gosh Sarah, no wonder monsters - comma after 'gosh'
"The Monster kicked them under my bed and knocked them off my hangers." Replied Sarah. - comma after 'hangers', lower case for 'replied'
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Thank you for reading my story. The quotation mark at the end of the first sentence was corrected. She was thinking those things that do not have quotation marks. Thank you for the stars.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
Children have vivid imaginations. Parents can use the opportunity rouse children to correct or complete unfinished tasks just as the mother got both children to pick up and put away clothes and toys. This is a good teaching tool story.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Children have vivid imaginations. Parents can use the opportunity rouse children to correct or complete unfinished tasks just as the mother got both children to pick up and put away clothes and toys. This is a good teaching tool story.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Thank you for reading my story. The teaching point was the first think I wanted to write about. Also maintaining the wonder and fantasies children have, therefore not negating the thought of monsters. And, dad realizing he was not in the frame of mind to stomp up to the bedrooms angry and yelling. Thank you for your awesome stars.
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I enjoyed it.
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:)
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:)
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Yes, thanks
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You're welcome.
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Very clever approach. Where most parents would try to tell their children there was no monster, you agreed and played a little trick that ended up with them cleaning their rooms up and perhaps never messing it again.
You must be a parent.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Very clever approach. Where most parents would try to tell their children there was no monster, you agreed and played a little trick that ended up with them cleaning their rooms up and perhaps never messing it again.
You must be a parent.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much for reading my story. You have gladdened my heart with your comments and your stars.
Comment from RShipp
What a tricky way in entice a kid to clean thier room! I am afraid I would have come up with the idea- with so many toys under the bed- the monster wouldn't fit? I was a kid who 'enjoyed' cleaning his room monthly... Don't now why?
Best of luck in the 'Through the eyes of a child' writing Contest.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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What a tricky way in entice a kid to clean thier room! I am afraid I would have come up with the idea- with so many toys under the bed- the monster wouldn't fit? I was a kid who 'enjoyed' cleaning his room monthly... Don't now why?
Best of luck in the 'Through the eyes of a child' writing Contest.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much for reading my story. You can probably guess what I was saying with my title. Thank you very much for your stars.
Comment from BethShelby
A tree limb scratching on a window would scare most any child. I think it might even make me nervous. This sounds like a lot to go though to get kids settled in for the night. Children have such active imagination. I remember those days. This is a cute well written story. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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A tree limb scratching on a window would scare most any child. I think it might even make me nervous. This sounds like a lot to go though to get kids settled in for the night. Children have such active imagination. I remember those days. This is a cute well written story. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much for reading my story. What about the attic shutters banging away? Now, that scared me. Thank you very much for your wonderful stars.
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Yes, that too. Even the house creaking especially if there is no light in the room.
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Yes, that too. Even the house creaking especially if there is no light in the room.
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:)
Comment from KyColonel Randal
Thank you for sharing this story. The story itself seems interesting. You really need to fix the grammatical errors though, because they take away from your hard work.
"QUIET, up there! [missing end quotation]
My husband asked; [this is not a question; it is demonstrative.] "Honey, I can't concentrate on our taxes, [this comma is unnecessary] while those kids are making so much noise. They are supposed to be going to sleep. Please quieten them down, [this comma is unnecessary] before I go up there and do something that ["that" is unnecessary here] I'll regret."
Is this father really threatening to commit child abuse or worse? And this is just the first couple of paragraphs.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thank you for sharing this story. The story itself seems interesting. You really need to fix the grammatical errors though, because they take away from your hard work.
"QUIET, up there! [missing end quotation]
My husband asked; [this is not a question; it is demonstrative.] "Honey, I can't concentrate on our taxes, [this comma is unnecessary] while those kids are making so much noise. They are supposed to be going to sleep. Please quieten them down, [this comma is unnecessary] before I go up there and do something that ["that" is unnecessary here] I'll regret."
Is this father really threatening to commit child abuse or worse? And this is just the first couple of paragraphs.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thank you very much for reading my story. Your comments are appreciated and your stars are wonderful.
Comment from Debbie Pope
I enjoyed your story, Mystery writer. I especially enjoyed the relationship between the Mom and Dad. They deal with family trauma in such a delightful way--you do it, I'll kill 'em. You go out in the middle of the night and chop off a tree limb so it won't rub on the child's window. That's funny. Kids were perfectly normal. Parents were real and lots of fun.
I'd love to hear more from this family. Thanks for creating them.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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I enjoyed your story, Mystery writer. I especially enjoyed the relationship between the Mom and Dad. They deal with family trauma in such a delightful way--you do it, I'll kill 'em. You go out in the middle of the night and chop off a tree limb so it won't rub on the child's window. That's funny. Kids were perfectly normal. Parents were real and lots of fun.
I'd love to hear more from this family. Thanks for creating them.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2020
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Thank you for reading my story. I appreciate your wonderful rating. Your comments inspire me to do more.
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I hope you do write more.
