Belongings Of The Past
Memories contest. A remembrance of my first holiday love.10 total reviews
Comment from gingermo
I liked this poem because it aptly described how one feels when one is young and infatuated. I particularly liked ... 'motionless a moment, then memories came flooding back' (effective alliteration) and 'the moon just lit,' poetically pleasing. The pathos, when you still care about someone and they don't reciprocate comes through in the poem and 'a pleading last letter,' shows hurt an vulnerability. My only suggestion are:- change willing to willingly and 'memories came flooding back,' to keep it in the past tense.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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I liked this poem because it aptly described how one feels when one is young and infatuated. I particularly liked ... 'motionless a moment, then memories came flooding back' (effective alliteration) and 'the moon just lit,' poetically pleasing. The pathos, when you still care about someone and they don't reciprocate comes through in the poem and 'a pleading last letter,' shows hurt an vulnerability. My only suggestion are:- change willing to willingly and 'memories came flooding back,' to keep it in the past tense.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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Gingermo, thank you very much for a very good and carefully written critique. You are right with your last suggestions. I'll rectify.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I know that many of us can relate to this story. The times of being uninformed for many of us still lingers on. We still believe those lines that we've fallen for so long ago. They're just memories as you've so eloquently stated, some good, and some bad. I like what you've presented here and enjoyed reading this well written work. Well done!
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2020
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I know that many of us can relate to this story. The times of being uninformed for many of us still lingers on. We still believe those lines that we've fallen for so long ago. They're just memories as you've so eloquently stated, some good, and some bad. I like what you've presented here and enjoyed reading this well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 27-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2020
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Thank you, Jeffrey!
Comment from Minglement
Wow, this is a terrific entry for the memories poem writing prompt. I was totally captured as you told your poignant story in a poem. I could identify with this poem of lost love. Well done, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2020
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Wow, this is a terrific entry for the memories poem writing prompt. I was totally captured as you told your poignant story in a poem. I could identify with this poem of lost love. Well done, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2020
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Minglement! A 6 star for an old love. Thank you very, very much.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Memories writing prompt.
This well written verse tells of memories belonging to the past.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the Memories writing prompt.
This well written verse tells of memories belonging to the past.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 26-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2020
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Sharon, thank you so much!
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Such longing and such a gift of self never forgotten... a beautiful free verse offering for the contest. Your use of the same line beginning and ending is a very effective tool in this case -- thanx for sharing and best of luck!
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Such longing and such a gift of self never forgotten... a beautiful free verse offering for the contest. Your use of the same line beginning and ending is a very effective tool in this case -- thanx for sharing and best of luck!
Comment Written 26-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Yvette, thank you once again. Very good review.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello anonymous,
This is a fine entry for the memories contest.
Belongings Of The Past is a beautiful poem that made me think of my youth. Good job
Gypsy ð???
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Hello anonymous,
This is a fine entry for the memories contest.
Belongings Of The Past is a beautiful poem that made me think of my youth. Good job
Gypsy ð???
Comment Written 26-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Gypsy! A six-star? Wow, thank you so much!
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You deserve it
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:)
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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13th poet, thank you.
Comment from BethShelby
At seventeen everything seems so magical and make us long for something new. One night and we often assume more and sometimes it doesn't happen. The words of your poem or lovely but sad and as you say belong to the past.
"Write to me! Don�´t forget Did you mean Don't forget?
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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At seventeen everything seems so magical and make us long for something new. One night and we often assume more and sometimes it doesn't happen. The words of your poem or lovely but sad and as you say belong to the past.
"Write to me! Don�´t forget Did you mean Don't forget?
Comment Written 26-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Thank you for seeing this error. I repaired the dammage. Thanks for your review Beth!
Comment from dmt1967
This is a very sad story in a poem and I felt the poets pain. Holiday romances generally don't work and I can relate to this story as well. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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This is a very sad story in a poem and I felt the poets pain. Holiday romances generally don't work and I can relate to this story as well. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Thank you very much for the review. Did you get over the holiday-love very fast? It took me about a year! Then I fell in love again, and I hid the photo...until now!
Comment from padumachitta
Hello ah a bittersweet poem from the past.
Good use of descriptive phrasing.
The shorter end stanza works well.
Nice use of writing prompt to pen a memory
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Hello ah a bittersweet poem from the past.
Good use of descriptive phrasing.
The shorter end stanza works well.
Nice use of writing prompt to pen a memory
Comment Written 26-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
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Thanks for this nice review. I was devastated at the time. Now...well one of those things of the past, almost forgotten.
