Morning Serenity
A Quiet Poem entry10 total reviews
Comment from gingermo
I like the repetition in the first and last line in the first verse of the white cotton clouds. The consistent rhyme pattern aa, bb is pleasing and adds meaning to the words which are very descriptive. Your poem has captured an atmosphere of serenity and the personal last line aptly ties it all together. I'm sure you will do well in the competition.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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I like the repetition in the first and last line in the first verse of the white cotton clouds. The consistent rhyme pattern aa, bb is pleasing and adds meaning to the words which are very descriptive. Your poem has captured an atmosphere of serenity and the personal last line aptly ties it all together. I'm sure you will do well in the competition.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Aaron Milavec
Poets have their own settled instincts, and I hesitate to say anything to you. Yet, for what it is worth, I risk sharing my perception (which may not be yours):
You have a solid theme but lose much by way of delivering on the promise that shows up in the final line.
First, the pic. Find cumulus clouds that do look like "cotton." Also the "water's reflection" here is distored--hardly "perfection" or "wonderful."
The 9th and 12th line emphasize the mood change but, since there are no premonitions in the first eight lines, it remains unclear whether the nature walk was somehow responsible.
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Poets have their own settled instincts, and I hesitate to say anything to you. Yet, for what it is worth, I risk sharing my perception (which may not be yours):
You have a solid theme but lose much by way of delivering on the promise that shows up in the final line.
First, the pic. Find cumulus clouds that do look like "cotton." Also the "water's reflection" here is distored--hardly "perfection" or "wonderful."
The 9th and 12th line emphasize the mood change but, since there are no premonitions in the first eight lines, it remains unclear whether the nature walk was somehow responsible.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
Comment from w.j.debi
I really enjoyed this swap quatrain. It is so well written and evokes such a peaceful feeling. I like the imagery of the white cotton clouds drifting above the mountains and the clam mountain lake reflecting the wonderful creations around it.
Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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I really enjoyed this swap quatrain. It is so well written and evokes such a peaceful feeling. I like the imagery of the white cotton clouds drifting above the mountains and the clam mountain lake reflecting the wonderful creations around it.
Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much!
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a very nicely composed poem. It's thoughtful and has great word choices. Rhyming uses some unique combinations like forgotten/cotton and riot/quiet. Best of luck in the contest with this swap quatrain. Marilyn
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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This is a very nicely composed poem. It's thoughtful and has great word choices. Rhyming uses some unique combinations like forgotten/cotton and riot/quiet. Best of luck in the contest with this swap quatrain. Marilyn
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Very clever! What an original twist: the reverse reflection of first and last lines per verse to mirror the water's reflection. Nice imagery. The word "riot" seems a bit of a stretch--otherwise, words are well chosen. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Very clever! What an original twist: the reverse reflection of first and last lines per verse to mirror the water's reflection. Nice imagery. The word "riot" seems a bit of a stretch--otherwise, words are well chosen. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this piece.
Comment from Karen Iseminger
this calmed me! And I love, love, love the first/last line of each stanza. The flow is easily followed and also lends itself to the feeling of calm. Well done! Good luck and keep writing.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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this calmed me! And I love, love, love the first/last line of each stanza. The flow is easily followed and also lends itself to the feeling of calm. Well done! Good luck and keep writing.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much!
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, Morning Serenity, presented in three AABB-rhymed quatrains, finds the calming effects of nature's visions and immensity tio put all our problems into perspective.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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This poem, Morning Serenity, presented in three AABB-rhymed quatrains, finds the calming effects of nature's visions and immensity tio put all our problems into perspective.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thank you for sharing your insights!
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Quiet writing prompt.
This well written verse tells of the quiet of clouds.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the Quiet writing prompt.
This well written verse tells of the quiet of clouds.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, my friend,
Nice entry for the quiet contest. The presentation is very nice. The rhyme scheme is perfect. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Good job.
Gypsy
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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Hello, my friend,
Nice entry for the quiet contest. The presentation is very nice. The rhyme scheme is perfect. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Good job.
Gypsy
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2020
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I appreciate your taking the time to read and share your insights.
