Ahhhhh, finally
the agony of constant noise8 total reviews
Comment from Aaron Milavec
Poets have their own settled instincts, and I hesitate to say anything to you. Yet, for what it is worth, I risk sharing my perception (which may not be yours):
Excellent pic. You build up the tension nicely and manage to keep rhyming pairs of final words. But, in the last three lines, you fail to deliver on your promise. "Riots" serves your rhyming scheme, but it introduces a whole new topic that distracts me from the build up to that point. This needs fixing.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Poets have their own settled instincts, and I hesitate to say anything to you. Yet, for what it is worth, I risk sharing my perception (which may not be yours):
Excellent pic. You build up the tension nicely and manage to keep rhyming pairs of final words. But, in the last three lines, you fail to deliver on your promise. "Riots" serves your rhyming scheme, but it introduces a whole new topic that distracts me from the build up to that point. This needs fixing.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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well, the rioting on TV was one more example of the noise he wished to escape - which was my point.
I'm sorry to disappoint, but thank you for reading and your opinion.
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Dear Pome_Lover,
I am a fallible human being like yourself. I'm trying to enter sensitively into your experience. The language sets we inhabit due to our upbringing and education are decidedly different. So the words misfire, they sputter, they offend. Words are such frail vessels for our endeavors to communicate. I beg your forgiveness. I brought too much of my experience to your poem. I should have preferred to remain QUIET.
Aaron
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No, don't be quiet. I am just not understanding how I misfired - with the poem. I would really like to know how it would have ended better.
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PS
I read your poem about your granddaughter. Much more satisfying than a puppy. And she is precious.
Comment from pharp
Mystery Poet,
You have penned an excellent poem reflecting so much that I agree with. I smiled when you penned "Down the stairs come rowdy boys,
Everywhere around me, noise!" My four rowdy grandchildren (all boys) spent their winter break with me, on yesterday I sent them home. Now I have peace and quiet and can work on trying to pen a poem. Thanks for sharing a most enjoyable read, the very best to you in the contest.
Blessings...Portia
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Mystery Poet,
You have penned an excellent poem reflecting so much that I agree with. I smiled when you penned "Down the stairs come rowdy boys,
Everywhere around me, noise!" My four rowdy grandchildren (all boys) spent their winter break with me, on yesterday I sent them home. Now I have peace and quiet and can work on trying to pen a poem. Thanks for sharing a most enjoyable read, the very best to you in the contest.
Blessings...Portia
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Portia,
this keeps popping up like a new post and I swear I have answered you twice. and you have answered me.
do not understand.
Comment from Karen Iseminger
...maybe because I live in my eye-of-the-storm I can really relate to this work! And because I live where the snow flies, I also know of the snow's ability to offer a sense of calm.
The rhyme scheme is nice - if I HAVE to make an "editorial" comment - the syllable count misses slightly on a few lines but pronunciation and proper stressing clean it up so, all in all, I can't really suggest any tweaks.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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...maybe because I live in my eye-of-the-storm I can really relate to this work! And because I live where the snow flies, I also know of the snow's ability to offer a sense of calm.
The rhyme scheme is nice - if I HAVE to make an "editorial" comment - the syllable count misses slightly on a few lines but pronunciation and proper stressing clean it up so, all in all, I can't really suggest any tweaks.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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thanks for reading and for your comments, Karen.
Yep, afraid I take "poetic" license with syllables. I try to check the "beat" and have it right, but sometimes....am glad you made it work with pronunciation.
Comment from Gideon300
Yeah I've heard all I want to. I am not turning that stuff on anymore. I am going to the polls, checking my box then drinking a beer.
When the swamp gas lifts, and I find out who crawled out alive. I will go to the polls, check my box, go home and drink a beer.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Yeah I've heard all I want to. I am not turning that stuff on anymore. I am going to the polls, checking my box then drinking a beer.
When the swamp gas lifts, and I find out who crawled out alive. I will go to the polls, check my box, go home and drink a beer.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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I sent off for an absentee ballot, so maybe, if it comes in time, I can vote by mail and miss the line.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Quiet writing prompt.
The well written verse tells of the contrast between noise and quiet.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the Quiet writing prompt.
The well written verse tells of the contrast between noise and quiet.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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thanks, Sharon,
Total fiction. No snow here or little boys, but I remember when I used to live where it snowed a lot, the utter quiet it brought - beautiful.
Thanks for your good wishes.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, my friend,
I totally know what you mean. Lately, I can't listen to the news for very long. I have to take a break and listen to some meditation music or watch a funny video. Your poem's rhyme scheme is good and the presentation is attractive. Good job.
Gypsy
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Hello, my friend,
I totally know what you mean. Lately, I can't listen to the news for very long. I have to take a break and listen to some meditation music or watch a funny video. Your poem's rhyme scheme is good and the presentation is attractive. Good job.
Gypsy
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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thank you, ma'am. That is mighty kind and much appreciated.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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thank you, sir. Your comments are much appreciated.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2020
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thank you. I think I got this twice, but I appreciate your reading my post and your comments.