St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 52 "St. Louis Chapter 22 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
15 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
no comma after "cook"
Barbara, the fact that this chapter made me squirm should tell you how realistic it is, how terrific your dialogue. The conversation between Mac and Logan was excellent! And the rest? As usual -- super entertainment.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020
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no comma after "cook"
Barbara, the fact that this chapter made me squirm should tell you how realistic it is, how terrific your dialogue. The conversation between Mac and Logan was excellent! And the rest? As usual -- super entertainment.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020
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I made the correction. After I read the sentence, I thought why did I put a comma there. LOL Thank you for dropping by.
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You're very welcome. :)
Comment from Writingfundimension
Very nice chapter where we really get into the nitty-gritty of what McKenzie is looking for in a relationship:
...'He wouldn't be threatened because I'm independent or can take care of myself. I guess that would fall under self-confident, but not cross over to cocky.'
Well said, Barbara. I think most women would like the very same thing ultimately.
Great chapter.
Bev
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020
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Very nice chapter where we really get into the nitty-gritty of what McKenzie is looking for in a relationship:
...'He wouldn't be threatened because I'm independent or can take care of myself. I guess that would fall under self-confident, but not cross over to cocky.'
Well said, Barbara. I think most women would like the very same thing ultimately.
Great chapter.
Bev
Comment Written 13-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020
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I agree. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Barbara, a terrific Thursday to you. I hope this finds you well, in good health and spirit. Thank you for another enjoyable chapter, it seems like Logan is going to audition for role of husband. I'm looking forward to getting to the strip club. Hehe. Good job and have a great day!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020
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Hello Barbara, a terrific Thursday to you. I hope this finds you well, in good health and spirit. Thank you for another enjoyable chapter, it seems like Logan is going to audition for role of husband. I'm looking forward to getting to the strip club. Hehe. Good job and have a great day!
Comment Written 13-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020
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Actually do make it there. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
Very interesting developments. *smile* As for me, I think you're handling this relationship just fine. I wouldn't let anyone's comments bother you - positive OR negative. Keep on doing what you're doing.
This method of sharing potential mates' attributes is a great icebreaker. And a great idea. I'm enjoying it. Nice touch.
I noticed a few ... nits and stuff here and made some notes:
1.) sack. "Here's your bag of Twizzlers." He handed it to her. "I know you do. It won't be long before you can retrieve it from Bill's garage.(")
2.) "I heard that, young lady," replied Bill(.)
3.) "Now, would be a perfect time to tell me what you're feeling.
--> no comma after 'now'
4.) four women pole-dancing for four hours -- nope. How about if there were rotating shows, but that one kept coming back on or was the main show or etc? Or he waited four hours to SEE IT? I don't see those four girls doing that for four hours - do you? Even the guys would get tired of it. No way. Flag.
Thanks a bunch! I enjoyed!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020
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Barbara,
Very interesting developments. *smile* As for me, I think you're handling this relationship just fine. I wouldn't let anyone's comments bother you - positive OR negative. Keep on doing what you're doing.
This method of sharing potential mates' attributes is a great icebreaker. And a great idea. I'm enjoying it. Nice touch.
I noticed a few ... nits and stuff here and made some notes:
1.) sack. "Here's your bag of Twizzlers." He handed it to her. "I know you do. It won't be long before you can retrieve it from Bill's garage.(")
2.) "I heard that, young lady," replied Bill(.)
3.) "Now, would be a perfect time to tell me what you're feeling.
--> no comma after 'now'
4.) four women pole-dancing for four hours -- nope. How about if there were rotating shows, but that one kept coming back on or was the main show or etc? Or he waited four hours to SEE IT? I don't see those four girls doing that for four hours - do you? Even the guys would get tired of it. No way. Flag.
Thanks a bunch! I enjoyed!
Comment Written 12-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020
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I'll see what I can do about #4. You're the only person who commented on it, but I see what you're saying. I will rewrite that area. Thank you for the help.
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welcome!
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello barbara.wilkey,
Lovely piece of Romance Fiction having impressive phraseology, smooth, and captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
These lines are particularly noteworthy:
"...But I believe there's a difference in acknowledging an attractive woman and desiring to jump in bed with her."
And
"...I believe there's a difference in lust and love..."
Interesting Indeed.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020
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Hello barbara.wilkey,
Lovely piece of Romance Fiction having impressive phraseology, smooth, and captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
These lines are particularly noteworthy:
"...But I believe there's a difference in acknowledging an attractive woman and desiring to jump in bed with her."
And
"...I believe there's a difference in lust and love..."
Interesting Indeed.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
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barbara.wilkey,
Most Welcome!
With best wishes.
~ RP
Comment from Shirley McLain
Very nice chapter, with a lot of movement throughout the story. I did enjoy reading it as always. As I've told you many times you are such a great writer. Shirley
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
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Very nice chapter, with a lot of movement throughout the story. I did enjoy reading it as always. As I've told you many times you are such a great writer. Shirley
Comment Written 10-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from tfawcus
I enjoyed this chapter and Mac's description of her ideal man. Whoever he is, he's got a lot to live up to. Logan seems to fit the bill pretty well at the moment. I wonder if he has a fatal flaw.
The action's moving along nicely with some good questions to lead us into your next chapters.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
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I enjoyed this chapter and Mac's description of her ideal man. Whoever he is, he's got a lot to live up to. Logan seems to fit the bill pretty well at the moment. I wonder if he has a fatal flaw.
The action's moving along nicely with some good questions to lead us into your next chapters.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
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I'm excited about some of the upcoming posts. I hope they go over well. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from susand3022
I can see them all now, going off to the strip joint to interview strippers. All in a circle protecting Mac from nothing... like a big buffer all around her. Just so she can peek out from between some bodies and ask a few strippers some questions. LOL Life sure is getting tough for MacKenzie!
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2020
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I can see them all now, going off to the strip joint to interview strippers. All in a circle protecting Mac from nothing... like a big buffer all around her. Just so she can peek out from between some bodies and ask a few strippers some questions. LOL Life sure is getting tough for MacKenzie!
Comment Written 09-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2020
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We'll find out next who goes. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
I don't think it make any difference how long they've known each other. At this point they have the important issue of who murdered Megan to resolve, and that probably overshadows their relationship. When that's resolved, them they'll be more free to explore their relationship. That's a strange thing on Whitmore's part--spending three hours watching the naked women pole dancing without moving from his table. What was on his mind? Mac wants to interview those gals. I'm sure the men will all want to go along! Excellent developments, and Mac has a lot to reveal about her ideal guy. It'll be interesting to know why those qualities are important to her. judi
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2020
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I don't think it make any difference how long they've known each other. At this point they have the important issue of who murdered Megan to resolve, and that probably overshadows their relationship. When that's resolved, them they'll be more free to explore their relationship. That's a strange thing on Whitmore's part--spending three hours watching the naked women pole dancing without moving from his table. What was on his mind? Mac wants to interview those gals. I'm sure the men will all want to go along! Excellent developments, and Mac has a lot to reveal about her ideal guy. It'll be interesting to know why those qualities are important to her. judi
Comment Written 09-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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You're welcome. Great reading. judi
Comment from BethShelby
You are an excellent writer. I remember reading a lot of your work when I was on fanStory before. Your dialogue is very natural and well done. I was in doubt if I should get involved in a story I hadn't read from the beginning but I'm glad I did. Even from this point, I'm getting acquainted with your characters already and I find them interesting.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2020
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You are an excellent writer. I remember reading a lot of your work when I was on fanStory before. Your dialogue is very natural and well done. I was in doubt if I should get involved in a story I hadn't read from the beginning but I'm glad I did. Even from this point, I'm getting acquainted with your characters already and I find them interesting.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2020
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I'm glad you did. If you get confused, ask. I'll be happy to explain. Thank you for dropping by,
