Lunch in 2020
Contest Entry7 total reviews
Comment from LisaMay
I gasp with admiration at your inventive sequence of deadly encounters, both man-made and of the natural world. I was laughing at their deaths which is not very nice of me but shows your power as a storyteller.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2020
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I gasp with admiration at your inventive sequence of deadly encounters, both man-made and of the natural world. I was laughing at their deaths which is not very nice of me but shows your power as a storyteller.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2020
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Thank you for the fantastic review and generous stars, Lisa. I'm glad you liked my ridiculous story. Have a great rest of your weekend.
;)
Ron
Comment from cupa tea
Martin Carver was rushing in and out (of) traffic, in his blue Porsche, to get
back to work after lunch.
Talk about bad luck! That man was full of it...
Good luck in the contest...I really enjoyed your story...
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
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Martin Carver was rushing in and out (of) traffic, in his blue Porsche, to get
back to work after lunch.
Talk about bad luck! That man was full of it...
Good luck in the contest...I really enjoyed your story...
Comment Written 18-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
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Thank you for the great review and for catching the goof, Cupa Tea. You're the first one to mention that. I've read over this thing countless times and never even caught it myself. Lol. I'm glad you liked this ridiculous piece. Thank you again.
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no problem...good luck in the contest!
Comment from tempeste
Ciao mystery writer. I gave you your 3rd well deserved vote.
This contest took a long time to get to the booth ...it's quite a macabre theme ... I was surprised how you made the narrative flow despite dealing with death scenes ..
You had me hooked right through to the apocalyptic ending.
You have a very vivid imagination and you penned a compelling story in great detail.
I really enjoyed how the chain of events / deaths occurred...
I wish you well in the contest.
When I give my vote in the booth, I usually just give a five star rating ...
....only in rare occasions do I give the entry a 6 star vote too..
This is one of those exceptional times.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
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Ciao mystery writer. I gave you your 3rd well deserved vote.
This contest took a long time to get to the booth ...it's quite a macabre theme ... I was surprised how you made the narrative flow despite dealing with death scenes ..
You had me hooked right through to the apocalyptic ending.
You have a very vivid imagination and you penned a compelling story in great detail.
I really enjoyed how the chain of events / deaths occurred...
I wish you well in the contest.
When I give my vote in the booth, I usually just give a five star rating ...
....only in rare occasions do I give the entry a 6 star vote too..
This is one of those exceptional times.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
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I'm honored this was one of those rare occasions, Tempeste. I dearly appreciate the giant sixer and support, friend. It took a few days to come with these chain of events but I had a blast with it. Again, thank you so much for the fantastic review and six, Tempeste. Have a great day.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Graphic imagery, sly touches of humor re...when Dave became Alpo...used to be left handed...saw many things in his life...a helicopter dropping...wasn't one of those things. Cleverly wince-worthy. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Graphic imagery, sly touches of humor re...when Dave became Alpo...used to be left handed...saw many things in his life...a helicopter dropping...wasn't one of those things. Cleverly wince-worthy. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 04-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Thank you for the great review, Liz. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked this silliness. Have a wonderful day.
Comment from Mia Twysted
That was amazing. I love how one thing effected another. It was like watching a movie in slow motion as everyone ran for their lives. I could see it all go down in my head.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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That was amazing. I love how one thing effected another. It was like watching a movie in slow motion as everyone ran for their lives. I could see it all go down in my head.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Mia. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked this silly piece. Have a great day.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
I am almost speechless. This is very well written, if one likes this sort of thing. It's not for the faint of heart, which apparently, I must be.
I found some errors:
The transponder shot like a
rocket, (you have a hidden line break before "rocket") (you have other hidden line breaks in your story, but you can find them by reading your work as it appears in FanStory -- they may not be visible in your original)
Officer, David Boone, was running -->
Officer David Boone was running
one of the blades struck a heavy, blue, mail box -->
one of the blades struck a heavy, blue mailbox
blasted him off of his bike, --> blasted him off his bike,
It saved his life as he dangled on the outside if the building. --> outside of the building
I started feeling a little sick, at about the point where the hazardous materials truck spilled its contents, but I persevered and finished reading. I know it's supposed to be funny, but, I can't... I just can't!
I had no idea that the story would culminate in mass destruction. This story has a very good chance of winning the contest, except that it's four chapters too short. I don't think you'll find too many volunteers to help you write four chapters of funerals and grieving!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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I am almost speechless. This is very well written, if one likes this sort of thing. It's not for the faint of heart, which apparently, I must be.
I found some errors:
The transponder shot like a
rocket, (you have a hidden line break before "rocket") (you have other hidden line breaks in your story, but you can find them by reading your work as it appears in FanStory -- they may not be visible in your original)
Officer, David Boone, was running -->
Officer David Boone was running
one of the blades struck a heavy, blue, mail box -->
one of the blades struck a heavy, blue mailbox
blasted him off of his bike, --> blasted him off his bike,
It saved his life as he dangled on the outside if the building. --> outside of the building
I started feeling a little sick, at about the point where the hazardous materials truck spilled its contents, but I persevered and finished reading. I know it's supposed to be funny, but, I can't... I just can't!
I had no idea that the story would culminate in mass destruction. This story has a very good chance of winning the contest, except that it's four chapters too short. I don't think you'll find too many volunteers to help you write four chapters of funerals and grieving!
Comment Written 04-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much for the help, Mary. I fixed all the goofs already.
The line breaks depend on how each person has their computer set up. If it's zoomed in more than I have my own then the lines will mess up like that. I made the font a size smaller. Hopefully that fixed that.
In a thread on the contest page, we were informed that Tom will, for some odd reason, only allow one chapter to be entered. Everyone will be voting on only the first chapter because of this so I decided to get all the deaths in the first chapter. Lol.
Again, thank you for all your help and I'm glad you actually made it all the way through the silly piece. I hope you have a wonderful day, Mary.
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You're very welcome, happy to help. I've been trying a new medication that's been affecting my stomach, so I'm sure that didn't help matters. It really was very creative. I hope you do very well in the contest!
Comment from LyndaS
A warning for violence?? HAHAHAHA! This is sooooo outside the box and excellent. Thank you for this afternoon chuckle fest. You have definitely answered this challenge and then some. There are so many excellent deaths in this. My favorite is the policeman dying from a very pissed off pit-bull. And the old lady that gets decapitated in the park. HAHA! I was confused a bit by this prompt but 20 deaths you have delivered and I love that your next 4 chapters are attending the funerals that you caused. HAHA! This is EXCELLENT and so funny. The flow of this is really well done. Talk about a chain reaction. All because you were late getting back to work from lunch. A formidable entry into this contest and damn...I hope you win. If for no other reason than making me laugh on this gorgeous day in Florida. GOOD LUCK!!!! Lynda
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
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A warning for violence?? HAHAHAHA! This is sooooo outside the box and excellent. Thank you for this afternoon chuckle fest. You have definitely answered this challenge and then some. There are so many excellent deaths in this. My favorite is the policeman dying from a very pissed off pit-bull. And the old lady that gets decapitated in the park. HAHA! I was confused a bit by this prompt but 20 deaths you have delivered and I love that your next 4 chapters are attending the funerals that you caused. HAHA! This is EXCELLENT and so funny. The flow of this is really well done. Talk about a chain reaction. All because you were late getting back to work from lunch. A formidable entry into this contest and damn...I hope you win. If for no other reason than making me laugh on this gorgeous day in Florida. GOOD LUCK!!!! Lynda
Comment Written 04-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
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Wow. Thank you so much for the fantastic review and the giant sixer, Lynda. Lol, yeah, I had to come up with some pretty ridiculous ways for people to die to come up with 20. I really appreciate the generous rating and good luck wishes, Lynda. That's all I was really going for, someone to get a chuckle out of my twisted humor. I'm glad you did. Thank you again. Have a wonderful day.
;)
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Already had a wonderful day. You're welcome. LS
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I'm glad to hear it.
;)
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HAHAHA! LU2,