If I Could
My brother died suddenly (2005) changing our lives forever.30 total reviews
Comment from Alchera
I am dolorously felt for your brother's lost. I felt throughout your versification your heartily tie and family legacy towards the rocker. He was a complete free spirit when he played his tune and proud of his home hand made guitar which was a real beauty admired and appreciated by his fans and above all by his unique only dolorous sister. He will Always be in your heart and then your childhood's epiphanies will pop out and they can become your new inspirational ideas for writing. Well done indeed!
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2020
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I am dolorously felt for your brother's lost. I felt throughout your versification your heartily tie and family legacy towards the rocker. He was a complete free spirit when he played his tune and proud of his home hand made guitar which was a real beauty admired and appreciated by his fans and above all by his unique only dolorous sister. He will Always be in your heart and then your childhood's epiphanies will pop out and they can become your new inspirational ideas for writing. Well done indeed!
Comment Written 21-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2020
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Thank you so much, Tony, for your exceptional and beautiful six-star review of my poem about my brother. I am very touched by the meaningful things you wrote and your deep expressions of sympathy. Many thanks! God bless you, my friend. - Mary Kay
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Always welcome! How is your mum? Is she ok? And how are you two going on in New York ?
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Hi Tony, Mom actually lives in New Jersey. I had to leave her place yesterday because I could no longer take care of her -- first, I might have Covid-19, and secondly, all the heavy lifting was hurting my back.
I was tested yesterday at my primary doctor's office in NYC.
When I left my Mom's, I was under the impression that she would be paying for the extra hours that I couldn't cover, but today I found out that she changed her mind, because she can't afford it. Other family members are mad at me, and don't even call to ask how I'm doing.
I hope my mother will be alright during the hours she's alone, and also that I didn't give her the virus (if I have it). Thanks for asking, Tony my friend. - Mary Kay
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O God ! I hope you have no virus! Remain at home! We, too, are forced to remain at home. Don?t worry about your relatives. Think only about your family in NY. It?s like a war now everywhere. We can?t go out and neither move from our townhall community, Blessings Mary Kay and do take care of yourself.Tony
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Thank you so much, Tony. Yes, it's like there's a war everywhere. I appreciate your loving, caring response. God bless you and keep you, my friend - and protect you and your family.
- Mary Kay
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Yes , here our space has been reduced to the native town and we should not go out. A great hug of health dearst Mary Kay! did you get your results of your analisis? Bye Tony
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Thank you so much, my friend! I don't have my test results yet, Tony. I am still waiting, but no fever anymore, so the worst of it must be over, and I thank God. Blessings, Mary Kay
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Ciao Mary Kay! I hope things are well over there with you amnd your family. Here we remain home hoping at least the weather improves. A great big hug my friend. Blessings Tony
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Ciao Tony! Well I got the news. I am positive for Covid-19. I have improved a lot, and I no longer have a fever. I'm staying in touch with my doctor, but just hoping that my husband doesn't come down with it. Thanks for staying in touch, my friend. God bless you and your family.
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Mary Kay Stay at home! I have improved doesn't mean anything! let fifteen days pass by and then repeat all your analysis! Here things are getting worse ! we are and must stay at home! Blessings dearest friend of mine! Tony
Comment from JP Writer
This poem is so touching... I won't bother pointing out its flaws, as you already did so in your notes. But also, it's so raw and honest I would not want to harp on negatives. May your brother's memory bring you comfort.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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This poem is so touching... I won't bother pointing out its flaws, as you already did so in your notes. But also, it's so raw and honest I would not want to harp on negatives. May your brother's memory bring you comfort.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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I will thank you for the four stars, Jayne, but I would like to also point out that the vast majority of people on this site do not follow the rating specifications as stated. I once gave out a 3 to someone when I first started (and I thought I was being generous), but then I realized that you have to botch up a piece of work VERY badly to earn a 3 -- and for a few minor errors, imperfections or deviations, one doesn't usually give a 4.
I have only been posting on this site for a few months, but I learned this rather quickly. You're even newer than I am.
The ratings definitely skew to the higher end. Even with some irregularities in rhythm and rhyme, all of my other ratings on this poem were at 5 or 6 -- and some reviewers pointed out that the substance of the poem outweighed the form. I envisioned it set to music, and I can hear it in my head -- there's no way for you to know that, of course, but one reviewer imagined the lyrics being sung to music at "the strip" -- not sure which one that is -- but the vibe was there.
I am happy that my poem touched you, and yes, John's memories bring me comfort. I would love to see him come walking back through my door, but that's not the way life works. I'll have to wait awhile. Thanks for reading it.
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Mary Kay, yes, I learned that the hard way just today. I gave someone 3 stars for a story that was a total mess but offered very thoughtful suggestions how it could be improved. He turned right around and trashed some of my poems, with 3 and 2 stars -- for works that others had rated 5 or 6 stars. I may stop submitting, not because I can't handle receiving low ratings, but because I don't want to assign higher stars than I believe a piece deserves. But I have already submitted to several contests and will wait until those deadlines pass. I've invested way too many hours reviewing works. Most people are gracious, but more than one were very upset. My theory, as a former reporter who had very rough editors and later as an editor who has been gentle but also firm and honest, is that critiques are the way we grow into a better writer.
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Hi Jayne, I'm sorry that you've had such a bad experience. This site is like more like a club encouraging people to write, and not as competitive as the outside world. But it wasn't right for anyone to behave that way, vindictively, rather than coming to you and having a gentle discussion. I made peace with giving the skewed ratings, just knowing first, that the stated standards are different from the unspoken ones, and secondly, that the real, constructive criticism comes in the text of the reviews. You can say just about anything you want (within reason and propriety) if you give somebody a 5. I won't give out a 4 unless something is REALLY bad and I am certain that the person put no effort into making it any better.
You know, don't you, that you can "mute" someone if they're being mean or vengeful? You can try to reach an understanding first, but if that's not possible, muting is an option.
I hope you will have a better evening!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Memories and grief shine glowingly through this tribute poem about a brother who adored music and thought himself a rock star. I love this line: "you kept the rhythm strong," because, of course, male family members so often do this with the rhythm of family life itself. This tribute poem points out that John was a 'sweet and gentle giant,' whose absence made his mother cry. Nice share.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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Memories and grief shine glowingly through this tribute poem about a brother who adored music and thought himself a rock star. I love this line: "you kept the rhythm strong," because, of course, male family members so often do this with the rhythm of family life itself. This tribute poem points out that John was a 'sweet and gentle giant,' whose absence made his mother cry. Nice share.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much for your excellent, kind and thoughtful review of my poem about John. He was a very awesome brother and I will always miss him, even though I have had to adjust to life without him. I appreciate your understanding. <3
Comment from Susan Larson
Mary Kay, I empathize. My son was diagnosed with brain cancer six weeks after his wedding and died six years later. He, too, had a passion for his guitar. His youngest brother died in 1998, leaving our middle son no on with whom to share his childhood memories. I am so sorry for your loss.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Mary Kay, I empathize. My son was diagnosed with brain cancer six weeks after his wedding and died six years later. He, too, had a passion for his guitar. His youngest brother died in 1998, leaving our middle son no on with whom to share his childhood memories. I am so sorry for your loss.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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I'm deeply sorry, Susan. These two losses must have been devastating for you as a mother. I know how losing John affected my Mom. Like your only living son, I was left as my mother's only child, without siblings (except those from my father's second wife). It really is hard to be left an "only child" after having the joy and companionship of siblings.
You really were able to relate to my poem... even down to the guitar! Thank you for your beautiful and very empathetic review.
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I am deeply touched by your reply.
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Thank you, as was I. God bless you.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Mary Kay, your grief shines through this wonderful poem about your beloved brother. It must have a shock to you and the family that he was suddenly gone. I'm so very sorry.
Good luck in the contest. Ulla xx
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Hi Mary Kay, your grief shines through this wonderful poem about your beloved brother. It must have a shock to you and the family that he was suddenly gone. I'm so very sorry.
Good luck in the contest. Ulla xx
Comment Written 05-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much, Ulla, for your beautiful and compassionate review. It was a really terrible shock for us. Thank you for understanding, and for everything you wrote. - Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from Gail Denham
I'm so sorry to hear of your brother's passing. You did a great job of incorporating the guitar, his music, and his life all together. I lost two brothers at their young age - one to polio at 15 and the other to car crash at 22. I so often think of them, what would they have been like if they grew up. I think we always miss these precious ones. Blessings.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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I'm so sorry to hear of your brother's passing. You did a great job of incorporating the guitar, his music, and his life all together. I lost two brothers at their young age - one to polio at 15 and the other to car crash at 22. I so often think of them, what would they have been like if they grew up. I think we always miss these precious ones. Blessings.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much, Gail, for your beautiful review, and for sharing from your own heartbreaking experience. What a terrible sequence of events your family went through -- and your parents must have suffered terribly. You must have been very young yourself, and it had to be very hard to understand and process those losses. It's natural to imagine how things might have been different; my Mom had a brother who died before she was born, and I have always wondered what it would have been like to have him as an uncle... yes, we will always miss our beloved ones. God bless you.
Comment from Miss Cookie Atkinson
He was a good looking young man with a pure heart that loved music which made him happy yes, he will be miss but never forgotten
hank you for sharing
Cookie
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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He was a good looking young man with a pure heart that loved music which made him happy yes, he will be miss but never forgotten
hank you for sharing
Cookie
Comment Written 05-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Thank you, Cookie, for your excellent review and for all the wonderful things you wrote about my brother! You're so sweet and kind. God bless you. xoxo
Comment from BethShelby
What a lovely and fitting tribute to your brother. I think poems like this come from the heart and they flow out without attention to rhyme schemes or numbered stanzas. I believe it means more just to leave structure and say what the heart feels. Very nice. I'm sorry for your loss.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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What a lovely and fitting tribute to your brother. I think poems like this come from the heart and they flow out without attention to rhyme schemes or numbered stanzas. I believe it means more just to leave structure and say what the heart feels. Very nice. I'm sorry for your loss.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much for your beautiful and sensitive review, and for your kind and thoughtful condolences. It's very much appreciated. God bless you!
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You are welcome.
Comment from royowen
A nicely put together Poem, a wonderfully sentimental about a much loved and missed brother, who loved to buy and beautify these most famous of guitar royalty and play these heavenly instruments. Well done, beautifully written, polished and rhymed, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
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A nicely put together Poem, a wonderfully sentimental about a much loved and missed brother, who loved to buy and beautify these most famous of guitar royalty and play these heavenly instruments. Well done, beautifully written, polished and rhymed, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 04-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
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Thank you very much, Roy, for your excellent and thoughtful review, and your kindness and understanding as well. John could actually make an entire guitar from scratch, besides! I appreciate everything you wrote. - Mary Kay
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Well done
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Thanks, Roy, God bless!
Comment from Diana L Crawford
What a beautiful living tribute to your brother. I have only one full brother and half sisters and a brother between my mom and dad. I'm so sorry for your loss. No matter how many years go by, lived one we lose are always on our minds. xoxo
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
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What a beautiful living tribute to your brother. I have only one full brother and half sisters and a brother between my mom and dad. I'm so sorry for your loss. No matter how many years go by, lived one we lose are always on our minds. xoxo
Comment Written 04-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
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Thank you very much, Diana, for your excellent and thoughtful review, and for your understanding. I appreciate your kindness!
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Thank you for sharing!