St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 51 "St. Louis Chapter 21 part 3"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
13 total reviews
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Barbara, a terrific Thursday to you. I hope this finds you well, in good health and spirit. Thank you for another chapter of your story, I love all your characters and dialogue. I eagerly await the next chapter to see what Mac has to say. Good job as always and have a great day!
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Hello Barbara, a terrific Thursday to you. I hope this finds you well, in good health and spirit. Thank you for another chapter of your story, I love all your characters and dialogue. I eagerly await the next chapter to see what Mac has to say. Good job as always and have a great day!
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2020
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Thank you for the encouraging review. Your reviews always make me smile.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Thanks a lot. My candy is making me want something salty now too...(LOL)
Small grammar nit -- "...Here're your twizzlers..." not 'here's'= twizzlers is plural. If you want it to be singular you'd have to say,"Here's your BAG of twizzlers..." yes? :)
Wow, only nine days they've known each other and marriage talk? Hmm, I am gettin' old...
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Thanks a lot. My candy is making me want something salty now too...(LOL)
Small grammar nit -- "...Here're your twizzlers..." not 'here's'= twizzlers is plural. If you want it to be singular you'd have to say,"Here's your BAG of twizzlers..." yes? :)
Wow, only nine days they've known each other and marriage talk? Hmm, I am gettin' old...
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Thank you for the kind review and I made the correction. They are not necessarily talking marriage, just what is your idea of a perfect husband. LOL
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Seems like a good plan, but there appear to be a lot of unanswered questions.
-Should "crunched here eyebrows" be "scrunched her eyebrows"?
-Should "convenient station" be "convenience station"?
-Very detailed as they prepare for the stakeout.
_The budding romance seems to be moving from his end of it a lot faster than her side - 9 days and they are already hooking up? Seems a tad soon to even get to know each other.
My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that offers assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Seems like a good plan, but there appear to be a lot of unanswered questions.
-Should "crunched here eyebrows" be "scrunched her eyebrows"?
-Should "convenient station" be "convenience station"?
-Very detailed as they prepare for the stakeout.
_The budding romance seems to be moving from his end of it a lot faster than her side - 9 days and they are already hooking up? Seems a tad soon to even get to know each other.
My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that offers assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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I have made the corrections. Thank you for your observation. I have reviewers who already want them together and I keep getting hits for it. I think it's too soon myself that's why I added the number of days at the top. This section goes back to a previous conversation and it's only 'what is your idea of a perfect husband.'
Comment from tfawcus
As always, the lively banter between your characters brings each chapter to life and gives a bit of a zing.
Just a few suggestions this week:
McKenzie crunched her eyebrows together. ['crunched' suggests that a sound is made. How about 'scrunched']
Inside the car, a voice sounded. "Just doing a sound check. [Maybe amend so you don't have 'sounded' and 'soundcheck' so close together]
the convenient station [I've not heard this expression. Is it the same as a convenience store?]
"Yes, but I'm hungry for Twizzlers. Please add it [them] to the list.
"I watched her prefect [perfect] it, too."
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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As always, the lively banter between your characters brings each chapter to life and gives a bit of a zing.
Just a few suggestions this week:
McKenzie crunched her eyebrows together. ['crunched' suggests that a sound is made. How about 'scrunched']
Inside the car, a voice sounded. "Just doing a sound check. [Maybe amend so you don't have 'sounded' and 'soundcheck' so close together]
the convenient station [I've not heard this expression. Is it the same as a convenience store?]
"Yes, but I'm hungry for Twizzlers. Please add it [them] to the list.
"I watched her prefect [perfect] it, too."
Comment Written 03-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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GRRRR this last one, I have changed three times. I am going to have to completely change that sentence. People can't seem to agree on perfect or prefect. I have made the changes. LOL and have followed your suggestion because I trust your judgement. Thank you.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Poor Mac, the men tease the life out of her. Those twizzlers remind me of our liquorice twirls. Same colour of some of them, too, the others are black. This is another well-written part, Barbara. Now we have another undercover cop going into a place no one knows what it is. That will be interesting. I hope they haven't made a mistake and it's the AA or something similar. lol. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
One little nit.
"I watched her prefect (perfect) it, too...
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Poor Mac, the men tease the life out of her. Those twizzlers remind me of our liquorice twirls. Same colour of some of them, too, the others are black. This is another well-written part, Barbara. Now we have another undercover cop going into a place no one knows what it is. That will be interesting. I hope they haven't made a mistake and it's the AA or something similar. lol. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
One little nit.
"I watched her prefect (perfect) it, too...
Comment Written 03-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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I'm confused with that little word. I had it the way you suggested and somebody told me to change it to the way I now have it. DARN!!! I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Writingfundimension
A good insight into McKenzie and how the 'guys' see her:
'Logan shut the car door, as Bill asked, 'Is she displaying that cute pout of hers?'
'Sure is.'
'I do not pout.'
'Both men said at the same time, 'Wanna bet?'
Another well-paced chapter, Barbara.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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A good insight into McKenzie and how the 'guys' see her:
'Logan shut the car door, as Bill asked, 'Is she displaying that cute pout of hers?'
'Sure is.'
'I do not pout.'
'Both men said at the same time, 'Wanna bet?'
Another well-paced chapter, Barbara.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from judiverse
A great chapter. I enjoyed the relief of humor about Mac's pout and Twizzlers. I could do without them, thank you. I hope their surveillance will pay off. I think they've been thwarted because of something bad going on in the police department. Stakeouts don't sound very exciting. Good thing Mac has her Twizzlers. To each his own. They don't look good to me! You show development in Mac and Logan's relationship very well. judi
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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A great chapter. I enjoyed the relief of humor about Mac's pout and Twizzlers. I could do without them, thank you. I hope their surveillance will pay off. I think they've been thwarted because of something bad going on in the police department. Stakeouts don't sound very exciting. Good thing Mac has her Twizzlers. To each his own. They don't look good to me! You show development in Mac and Logan's relationship very well. judi
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're very welcome. Great chapter. judi
Comment from Shirley McLain
I still love the story and I'm ready to read more. You're so good I write the same stuff over and over. You have action intensity and great dialogue. Great story. Shirley
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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I still love the story and I'm ready to read more. You're so good I write the same stuff over and over. You have action intensity and great dialogue. Great story. Shirley
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
On the road again, here they are on the road again. Inching closer to the people who murdered Megan. But for just follow suit and watch out for clues.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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On the road again, here they are on the road again. Inching closer to the people who murdered Megan. But for just follow suit and watch out for clues.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Pretty much true. Only Mr. Whitmore has nothing to do with Megan's murder, but is a case McKenzie is working on. Thank you for the kind review.
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I really enjoy this book thanks for sharing
Comment from Sankey
Good to see you I knew you would get on after church. Another exciting and intriguing read. Suggestions and possible??? Spags. "Isn't that the convenient station ??? convenience store??
"I'm correct. I watched you p(e)r[e]fect it
was this a deliberate switch or another spag?..."I watched her p(e)r[e]fect it, too."
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Good to see you I knew you would get on after church. Another exciting and intriguing read. Suggestions and possible??? Spags. "Isn't that the convenient station ??? convenience store??
"I'm correct. I watched you p(e)r[e]fect it
was this a deliberate switch or another spag?..."I watched her p(e)r[e]fect it, too."
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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It's a convenient gas station. I'll check the other one out. Thank you for the kind review.
