Finding Peace
a sonnet34 total reviews
Comment from Boogienights
This is so touching and emotional. I understand what you mean, as I lost both my brother and sister a year apart. My core family is gone...all who could remember me when I was young. Being alone sometimes helps.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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This is so touching and emotional. I understand what you mean, as I lost both my brother and sister a year apart. My core family is gone...all who could remember me when I was young. Being alone sometimes helps.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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I am so pleased you found FINDING PEACE both touching and emotional, Boogienights. Many thanks for your kind praise. Rod
Comment from phill doran
Hello to you
This is very good. It is raw and clearly deeply personal, but the reader will readily translate the feelings into their own experiences I am sure.
Perhaps you might have a look at line 9 where you appear to have broken your rhythm and meter;
"...but find / a place / on qui / et paths / a midst / the trees..."
I make this 2 syllables too long.
"...but find / a place / on paths / a midst / the trees..." perhaps? (I mean no disrespect to your chosen words. This is just an example: a suggestion.)
In advance, I apologize if it is an accent or regional issue, but I am also uncertain of the rhyme "screams/condemns" (Lines 10 & 12)
You have a powerful, personal work here and with a small adjustment I am sure you will do well in your contest.
Cheers
phill
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Hello to you
This is very good. It is raw and clearly deeply personal, but the reader will readily translate the feelings into their own experiences I am sure.
Perhaps you might have a look at line 9 where you appear to have broken your rhythm and meter;
"...but find / a place / on qui / et paths / a midst / the trees..."
I make this 2 syllables too long.
"...but find / a place / on paths / a midst / the trees..." perhaps? (I mean no disrespect to your chosen words. This is just an example: a suggestion.)
In advance, I apologize if it is an accent or regional issue, but I am also uncertain of the rhyme "screams/condemns" (Lines 10 & 12)
You have a powerful, personal work here and with a small adjustment I am sure you will do well in your contest.
Cheers
phill
Comment Written 03-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much, phil, for taking the time to read FINDING PEACE closely. and for those great suggestions. I can't believe I wrote hexameter, not pentameter, in line 9. I did edit it. And yes, condemns/screams is not a true rhyme, but I figured I could take some poetic license. Rod
Comment from Patty Palmer
This is a really well-written poem! Even when you know that you, thank God that you're still alive. But, there's that part of you that feels so dang guilty because you are alive to live your life and your friend is not. I know you feel like you should have been there too. My son goes through the same thing at times. While in Iraq, the building he worked in was hit when the base was attacked. It just so happened that he had gone across base to eat lunch. On the way back on the bus, they heard the bomb. Turning the corner, he saw that it was his building that had been hit and the two people he worked with and he was friends with were both killed instantly. He said if he had gotten back 5 minutes earlier, he would have been standing right there with them. He went through a lot of pain with survivor's guilt. I told him and I will offer the same advice to you. You weren't killed because it wasn't your time. God knows when we are born the exact moment when we will die. And it doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing when your time comes, is when you will die and not a moment before or after. Evidently,
Pa you and my son are still here for a reason. There's something the Lord has for you to do before you leave this earth. Keep your chin up! Everything happens for a reason. Just follow the Lord and let him take the lead. God bless you!!!
Patty
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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This is a really well-written poem! Even when you know that you, thank God that you're still alive. But, there's that part of you that feels so dang guilty because you are alive to live your life and your friend is not. I know you feel like you should have been there too. My son goes through the same thing at times. While in Iraq, the building he worked in was hit when the base was attacked. It just so happened that he had gone across base to eat lunch. On the way back on the bus, they heard the bomb. Turning the corner, he saw that it was his building that had been hit and the two people he worked with and he was friends with were both killed instantly. He said if he had gotten back 5 minutes earlier, he would have been standing right there with them. He went through a lot of pain with survivor's guilt. I told him and I will offer the same advice to you. You weren't killed because it wasn't your time. God knows when we are born the exact moment when we will die. And it doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing when your time comes, is when you will die and not a moment before or after. Evidently,
Pa you and my son are still here for a reason. There's something the Lord has for you to do before you leave this earth. Keep your chin up! Everything happens for a reason. Just follow the Lord and let him take the lead. God bless you!!!
Patty
Comment Written 03-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Wow! That is quite a story, Patty. I do hope YOU can or have written about it yourself and can share it with other FanStorians. I confess that my poem is fiction, but I truly appreciate your praise and comments. Rod
Comment from lyenochka
Such a beautiful sonnet! And you have the form perfectly done starting with the pain and then reflecting and receiving solace in nature. Hope you do well in the contest!!
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Such a beautiful sonnet! And you have the form perfectly done starting with the pain and then reflecting and receiving solace in nature. Hope you do well in the contest!!
Comment Written 03-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Hi. lyenochka. I always look forward to your reviews. I am so pleased you like FINDING PEACE so much. And I am delighted to say I won the contest. Rod
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Congratulations, Rod! You had my vote!
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Thank you so much! Rod
Comment from Drew Delaney
A well written sonnet about feelings. I think it is important to express out feelings and not keep them tucked in our hearts. This poem speaks of regret to some extent. We all experience these guilty thoughts. You did so well expressing feelings.
Drew
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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A well written sonnet about feelings. I think it is important to express out feelings and not keep them tucked in our hearts. This poem speaks of regret to some extent. We all experience these guilty thoughts. You did so well expressing feelings.
Drew
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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I am so pleased you thought I expressed the Speaker's feelings of guilt well in FINDING PEACE, Drew. Many thanks for your kind praise. Rod
Comment from Diana L Crawford
This is quite a touching and emotional piece! Your description of this solitary place in nature is haunting yet beautiful. A place to release sorrow with no one to judge! Excellent contest entry!
xoxo
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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This is quite a touching and emotional piece! Your description of this solitary place in nature is haunting yet beautiful. A place to release sorrow with no one to judge! Excellent contest entry!
xoxo
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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I am so pleased you found FINDING PEACE touching and emotional and my imagery haunting, Diana. Many thanks for your high praise. Rod
Comment from Janet Foor
A somber poem of feelings. You have created a sad and somber tone in this well written sonnet. Strong sonnet rhyme and meter. A perfect picture to draw the reader into the poem.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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A somber poem of feelings. You have created a sad and somber tone in this well written sonnet. Strong sonnet rhyme and meter. A perfect picture to draw the reader into the poem.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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I am so pleased you like the sad and somber tone of FINDING PEACE, Janet, as well as the artwork chosen. Many thanks for your kind praise and best wishes. Rod
Comment from Lu Saluna
Such a beautifully written sonnet and so sad. I can feel the sorrow of the tortured soul come out of the words. Very powerful.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Such a beautifully written sonnet and so sad. I can feel the sorrow of the tortured soul come out of the words. Very powerful.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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I am so pleased you enjoyed my sad sonnet, Lu Saluna, and that you could feel the sorrow of my Speaker. Many thanks for your kind praise of FINDING PEACE. Rod
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The grief here in your words is something we cannot share as we bear it alone and in our solitude we come to terms with it. I can identify with your words and your sonnet is sensitive and I enjoyed your rhymes and meter too, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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The grief here in your words is something we cannot share as we bear it alone and in our solitude we come to terms with it. I can identify with your words and your sonnet is sensitive and I enjoyed your rhymes and meter too, love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Hi, Dolly. Many thanks for sharing FINDING PEACE. I am delighted you could relate to the Speaker and enjoyed my rhyme and meter. Rod
Comment from dkblack
Very well written. You have clearly told of the healing power of Nature. Being outside in Nature always makes me think the higher thoughts. I love to walk when it is lightly raining.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Very well written. You have clearly told of the healing power of Nature. Being outside in Nature always makes me think the higher thoughts. I love to walk when it is lightly raining.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Many thanks for sharing FINDING PEACE, dkblack. You have identified its theme so clearly. I truly appreciate your kind praise and those six bright stars. Rod
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I was glad to see it won the contest. Not even a close contender. I did vote for it. It did deserve those six stars!
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Again, many thanks for the wonderful praise and that vote. Rod
