Heartbreak, Failure and Success
The Past 20 Years contest entry13 total reviews
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Wow! You really have done -- and been through -- quite a lot! Thank you for sharing this 20-year chronicle of your life. You gave it a perfect name, covering everything. And considering your challenges, you accomplished a great deal, also having a little fun once in awhile -- I'm thinking of all those squirrels running around you.
You also found a great picture to go with your story. SUCCESS is more prominent than failure, as it should be. I also have some mental health challenges, and you have coped well with yours -- besides the other disappointments and heartbreak you mentioned.
Here are some minor errors I found:
because the director said my voice was changing; that I could not longer hit the high soprano notes. --> no longer hit
2011 and 2012 I was...
-->
In 2011 and 2012 I was...
2016, brought me disappointments -->
2016 brought me disappointments
Your story needs some paragraph breaks. It's up to you, as to where you would like to put them, but I would like to suggest the following places:
In 2004...
In 2010,...
In 2015,
2017 brought me news...
In January 2020,...
You taught me a new word, "retreatant." I actually had to look it up, to make sure it's a word -- and it is! It's amazing that you wrote poems for all of the retreatants. How many were there?!
I understand about bedbugs. My husband and I have gone several rounds with the nasty creatures. We also experienced some level of isolation, because of it. We have one branch of the family that we haven't seen in at least 7 years, and I suspect that may be part of the reason.
The fear people have of bedbugs is understandable, but only to a degree -- your friends should have allowed you to explain. You can't catch bedbugs over the phone! Even apart from the isolation, having them is very traumatic. It's a terrible experience, which I understand well. (I also have a lot of experience getting rid of them.)
Congratulations that your son is a writer! You must be proud of him. Your faith in God is the most important thing and keeps you strong through everything. Thank you for sharing your story.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2020
  |
Wow! You really have done -- and been through -- quite a lot! Thank you for sharing this 20-year chronicle of your life. You gave it a perfect name, covering everything. And considering your challenges, you accomplished a great deal, also having a little fun once in awhile -- I'm thinking of all those squirrels running around you.
You also found a great picture to go with your story. SUCCESS is more prominent than failure, as it should be. I also have some mental health challenges, and you have coped well with yours -- besides the other disappointments and heartbreak you mentioned.
Here are some minor errors I found:
because the director said my voice was changing; that I could not longer hit the high soprano notes. --> no longer hit
2011 and 2012 I was...
-->
In 2011 and 2012 I was...
2016, brought me disappointments -->
2016 brought me disappointments
Your story needs some paragraph breaks. It's up to you, as to where you would like to put them, but I would like to suggest the following places:
In 2004...
In 2010,...
In 2015,
2017 brought me news...
In January 2020,...
You taught me a new word, "retreatant." I actually had to look it up, to make sure it's a word -- and it is! It's amazing that you wrote poems for all of the retreatants. How many were there?!
I understand about bedbugs. My husband and I have gone several rounds with the nasty creatures. We also experienced some level of isolation, because of it. We have one branch of the family that we haven't seen in at least 7 years, and I suspect that may be part of the reason.
The fear people have of bedbugs is understandable, but only to a degree -- your friends should have allowed you to explain. You can't catch bedbugs over the phone! Even apart from the isolation, having them is very traumatic. It's a terrible experience, which I understand well. (I also have a lot of experience getting rid of them.)
Congratulations that your son is a writer! You must be proud of him. Your faith in God is the most important thing and keeps you strong through everything. Thank you for sharing your story.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2020
-
Dear Mary Kay, Thank you! for your exceptional rating, and for pointing out the mistakes. I will go in and edit.
Comment from w.j.debi
It sounds as if you've lived a varied and fruitful life. As with all of us, it is a mixture of trials and triumphs. I was so happy to read you feel that there has been more good than bad. It takes a good heart to recognize that.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
 |
It sounds as if you've lived a varied and fruitful life. As with all of us, it is a mixture of trials and triumphs. I was so happy to read you feel that there has been more good than bad. It takes a good heart to recognize that.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
-
Dear w.j.debi, Thanks for your review, comments, and compliment.
Comment from Carl DeVere
You rock--you keep going no matter what and triumph over some serious difficulties and hurts that might well defeat the lesser-hearted. You've had quite a struggle, but also some very interesting adventures along the way. Your beliefs are strong and, no doubt, help you through adversity. Well expressed and confessed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
|
You rock--you keep going no matter what and triumph over some serious difficulties and hurts that might well defeat the lesser-hearted. You've had quite a struggle, but also some very interesting adventures along the way. Your beliefs are strong and, no doubt, help you through adversity. Well expressed and confessed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
-
Dear Carl, Thank you for your comments, compliments, and five stars.
