Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Prized!"Experiences of living
136 total reviews
Comment from Sally Carter
I regret this makes no sense to me at all.
I cannot see the point of abbreviating words like "remember", which adds nothing to the reader's experience except confusion.
Many of your sentences are completely grammatically incorrect, eg
I feel and never surprise, - "am never surprised"?
how quietly
Thou help me prized - helps me "prize"?
the pride name in Thy grandeur
and I recall
my reporting dawn - what is "reporting dawn"?
leaving this mort' abode,
Throwing around a lot of complicated or strange words does not make for clarity of communication. What, in two sentences, are you actually saying?
Sally
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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I regret this makes no sense to me at all.
I cannot see the point of abbreviating words like "remember", which adds nothing to the reader's experience except confusion.
Many of your sentences are completely grammatically incorrect, eg
I feel and never surprise, - "am never surprised"?
how quietly
Thou help me prized - helps me "prize"?
the pride name in Thy grandeur
and I recall
my reporting dawn - what is "reporting dawn"?
leaving this mort' abode,
Throwing around a lot of complicated or strange words does not make for clarity of communication. What, in two sentences, are you actually saying?
Sally
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANKS
Comment from Galactia
I actually really enjoyed this. I loved the use of (xeno) not commonly used. I must say I'll probably will after reading your poem, loved seeing the sky, both the day and night reflection.
my two favourite stanza's are....
A xeno-cloud in the xen-shadow,
whene'er overcast and
shades xen-shaded to blacken and
booms as chicanery to adumbrate
defiling my golden whitish embroidered azure,
the web of the ceaseless glow I do keep,
and...
Thou truly direct and
I behold seven of the million colors
that spark miraculous lights and
I dip in the oceans of dazzling ray and
manifest Thy lead to me onto the blaze
that overpower at the xeno-clouds chunk disappear,
I do feel that you could have broken this poem up more, in places, few unnecessary lines i felt, though it's a free verse, kind of dragged on. I would have re-written it a little differently.
hou envision
to feel Thy illumination,
incessant care for my inclination
as part
of the job
endowed in my favor,
further then,
Thou reveal
Thy wonder rule
as witness
of the power limitless,
I feel and never surprise,
how quietly
Thou help me prized
the pride name in Thy grandeur
and I recall
my reporting dawn
leaving this mort' abode,
and I appreciate,
we are all memorized by the stars and grateful to the universe/God for creating such beauty, they feel limitless as there are so many. W#e are in ore, from the lack of understanding how they had came to be in the first place and to God to comprehend the universe more then us. I just feel all that could of been written a bit more clearer and shorter.
great job, well enjoyed
Regards
Tia
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
|
I actually really enjoyed this. I loved the use of (xeno) not commonly used. I must say I'll probably will after reading your poem, loved seeing the sky, both the day and night reflection.
my two favourite stanza's are....
A xeno-cloud in the xen-shadow,
whene'er overcast and
shades xen-shaded to blacken and
booms as chicanery to adumbrate
defiling my golden whitish embroidered azure,
the web of the ceaseless glow I do keep,
and...
Thou truly direct and
I behold seven of the million colors
that spark miraculous lights and
I dip in the oceans of dazzling ray and
manifest Thy lead to me onto the blaze
that overpower at the xeno-clouds chunk disappear,
I do feel that you could have broken this poem up more, in places, few unnecessary lines i felt, though it's a free verse, kind of dragged on. I would have re-written it a little differently.
hou envision
to feel Thy illumination,
incessant care for my inclination
as part
of the job
endowed in my favor,
further then,
Thou reveal
Thy wonder rule
as witness
of the power limitless,
I feel and never surprise,
how quietly
Thou help me prized
the pride name in Thy grandeur
and I recall
my reporting dawn
leaving this mort' abode,
and I appreciate,
we are all memorized by the stars and grateful to the universe/God for creating such beauty, they feel limitless as there are so many. W#e are in ore, from the lack of understanding how they had came to be in the first place and to God to comprehend the universe more then us. I just feel all that could of been written a bit more clearer and shorter.
great job, well enjoyed
Regards
Tia
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
-
THANK YOU FOR A GREAT DETAILED COMMENDABLE REVIEW.
Comment from rhymelord
Again, you have produced a mish-mash of broken syntax and terrible, invented and abbreviated words. Why do you do it? Clearly, the fact that you offer $1.30 as a reward for reviewing, will always boost your readership and gain "All Time Best" badges, but is that what you really want? Somewhere under that chaos of words there must lie an intellect capable of communication.
Reg
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
|
Again, you have produced a mish-mash of broken syntax and terrible, invented and abbreviated words. Why do you do it? Clearly, the fact that you offer $1.30 as a reward for reviewing, will always boost your readership and gain "All Time Best" badges, but is that what you really want? Somewhere under that chaos of words there must lie an intellect capable of communication.
Reg
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
-
THANKS
Comment from rjuselius
interesting piece of poetry! i love the imagery, the metaphors and the alliteration. very well written.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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interesting piece of poetry! i love the imagery, the metaphors and the alliteration. very well written.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANK YOU FOR REVIEW.
Comment from Tina McKala
too much. I didn't get it, I wasn't even strong enough to finish the read, even though I tried 3 times. I don't think a poem that needs so many author notes is a good poem. why don't you write it a way that doesn't need explanation?
Normally I would skip a poem like this, but I have a feeling you want to know every opinion when you promote as you promote.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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too much. I didn't get it, I wasn't even strong enough to finish the read, even though I tried 3 times. I don't think a poem that needs so many author notes is a good poem. why don't you write it a way that doesn't need explanation?
Normally I would skip a poem like this, but I have a feeling you want to know every opinion when you promote as you promote.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANKS
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You are so obviously a very religious man, your peotry oozes this fact. You chosen words are sometimes hard to follow without a dictionary (in my case, anyway) but I do like what you write. It is unique and interesting. I have never come across a writer like you. I thought your illustration was superb, and works well with the words you have written. I just wish I could read your poem and the meaning leap out at me. I guess it will soon. I am understanding more now than when I first read you, perhaps it will become clear soon. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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You are so obviously a very religious man, your peotry oozes this fact. You chosen words are sometimes hard to follow without a dictionary (in my case, anyway) but I do like what you write. It is unique and interesting. I have never come across a writer like you. I thought your illustration was superb, and works well with the words you have written. I just wish I could read your poem and the meaning leap out at me. I guess it will soon. I am understanding more now than when I first read you, perhaps it will become clear soon. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANK YOU FOR HONEST REVIEW.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
Well, i like the depth of some of the expressions you used, such as I embraced love pearls. Most of the lines are not clearly expressive. Very difficult to read because of language encumbrance. cheers
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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Well, i like the depth of some of the expressions you used, such as I embraced love pearls. Most of the lines are not clearly expressive. Very difficult to read because of language encumbrance. cheers
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANK YOU FOR FEEDBACK.
Comment from Deborah Marie
Well penned poem and lovely photo choice. Love the set-up and color scheme as well. Nice use of cleverly descriptive wording for impressive imagery, progression, rhythm and flow for an excellent read, Deb
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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Well penned poem and lovely photo choice. Love the set-up and color scheme as well. Nice use of cleverly descriptive wording for impressive imagery, progression, rhythm and flow for an excellent read, Deb
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANK YOU FOR REVIEW.
Comment from guinea
This work is truly wonderful. Your words flow well. Shows deep thinking. I must take time and read the rest of your work. I think I am beginning to understand some of it.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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This work is truly wonderful. Your words flow well. Shows deep thinking. I must take time and read the rest of your work. I think I am beginning to understand some of it.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANK YOU FOR NICE REVIEW.
Comment from c_lucas
Sometimes our vocabulary can make up stumble and lose the path. That is what I see in this unique piece of poetry. There are places where a little clarification is needed.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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Sometimes our vocabulary can make up stumble and lose the path. That is what I see in this unique piece of poetry. There are places where a little clarification is needed.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013
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THANKS
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THANKS
