Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Prized!"Experiences of living
136 total reviews
Comment from Mr. Nicholas Spears
You have a real way with words when it comes to these pieces. They're thought-provoking and intelligently-put and, most of all, while they're, as you openly admit, prosey, they still come off as magnificent works of poetry.
Well done.
  |
You have a real way with words when it comes to these pieces. They're thought-provoking and intelligently-put and, most of all, while they're, as you openly admit, prosey, they still come off as magnificent works of poetry.
Well done.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2006
Comment from judelesemann
Beautiful poem. I love your style and the use of words to paint the pictures. Your melodic flow is almost hypnotic. Well done. Jude
|
Beautiful poem. I love your style and the use of words to paint the pictures. Your melodic flow is almost hypnotic. Well done. Jude
Comment Written 31-Mar-2006
Comment from RaymondJohn
I'm giving you four stars because I can't understand what you're trying to say. I'm also giving you four stars because it has a strong beginning and ending, good (if obscure) imagery, and very good choice of words. Maybe it will suddenly dawn on me and I, like Archimedes, will exclaim "Eureka." Lots of fun. I'm glad you offered it. Ray.
 |
I'm giving you four stars because I can't understand what you're trying to say. I'm also giving you four stars because it has a strong beginning and ending, good (if obscure) imagery, and very good choice of words. Maybe it will suddenly dawn on me and I, like Archimedes, will exclaim "Eureka." Lots of fun. I'm glad you offered it. Ray.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2006
Comment from DrSav
quite the deep piece.
I commend you for such depth but then wonder if it should be made simpler for those who dont quite understand.
I liked it all the same.
Well done
- DS -
|
quite the deep piece.
I commend you for such depth but then wonder if it should be made simpler for those who dont quite understand.
I liked it all the same.
Well done
- DS -
Comment Written 30-Mar-2006
Comment from mswritealot
You're a master of poetry. Read it, scratched my head and read it again a couple more times trying to get in your mind. 7 points. I was getting a bit lost. Took another look from a different reading format and finally came to some understanding. Excellent
|
You're a master of poetry. Read it, scratched my head and read it again a couple more times trying to get in your mind. 7 points. I was getting a bit lost. Took another look from a different reading format and finally came to some understanding. Excellent
Comment Written 29-Mar-2006
Comment from karenpatry
Yikes, fascinating poem! My mind harks back to high school and the poems of Robert Frost, which we analyzed and re-analyzed. Not to say that your work is like his, but that your poem is worthy of such exercises in classrooms, for all the depth and hidden symbolism. My only comment: You are using an old english word for God, but not the grammar structure that accompanied its use in the past. This became a minor distraction for me, and if you were pleased to do so, this could be easily corrected. One example:
--"thou [dost] truly direct..."
And another: --"thou (are) [art] unexplained..." Heck, just read the old King James Translation of the Bible for a half hour, and you'll get the drift. (Actually, I suspect that old english grammar is the least of your worries in this poem.....) Good job. k
|
Yikes, fascinating poem! My mind harks back to high school and the poems of Robert Frost, which we analyzed and re-analyzed. Not to say that your work is like his, but that your poem is worthy of such exercises in classrooms, for all the depth and hidden symbolism. My only comment: You are using an old english word for God, but not the grammar structure that accompanied its use in the past. This became a minor distraction for me, and if you were pleased to do so, this could be easily corrected. One example:
--"thou [dost] truly direct..."
And another: --"thou (are) [art] unexplained..." Heck, just read the old King James Translation of the Bible for a half hour, and you'll get the drift. (Actually, I suspect that old english grammar is the least of your worries in this poem.....) Good job. k
Comment Written 29-Mar-2006
Comment from Cat Morris
I am not a poet. I have read this over three times, once aloud, and I am still a bit unsure of it's meaning.
I think that you have the total meaning in your mind, but somehow it did not translate for a lay person reading poetry.
I I will put it in my bookcase and read it another day, again. Perhaps when I am not so tired, or did not have such a day, it's meaning will seep out for me.
|
I am not a poet. I have read this over three times, once aloud, and I am still a bit unsure of it's meaning.
I think that you have the total meaning in your mind, but somehow it did not translate for a lay person reading poetry.
I I will put it in my bookcase and read it another day, again. Perhaps when I am not so tired, or did not have such a day, it's meaning will seep out for me.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2006
Comment from celebrity_pets
Well this took several reads, I suspect my heart is not so easily graced;) seven colors for each of the seven points? You have some awesome imagery exploding from the page here but I actually lost some of it between reads, your poetry is so extremely complex. Yet I enjoy a challenge and finished believing in feeling prized so maybe He has chosen to grace my heart after all;) The use of aint didn't work for me though, I wonder at your intention, was it merely for the contrast? The use of your abbreviations shows to me an inner strength which you seem to invite a challenge with the comfort of the sure that there is only one solution. Beautiful Well Done:)
|
Well this took several reads, I suspect my heart is not so easily graced;) seven colors for each of the seven points? You have some awesome imagery exploding from the page here but I actually lost some of it between reads, your poetry is so extremely complex. Yet I enjoy a challenge and finished believing in feeling prized so maybe He has chosen to grace my heart after all;) The use of aint didn't work for me though, I wonder at your intention, was it merely for the contrast? The use of your abbreviations shows to me an inner strength which you seem to invite a challenge with the comfort of the sure that there is only one solution. Beautiful Well Done:)
Comment Written 28-Mar-2006
Comment from Thomas Hawkins
There's a rhythm/flow conflict in this piece. If not, then it is convoluted so as to not be evident to the casual reader. The archaic language makes it really hard to delve into and the abbreviations seem overused. Not knocking your work or talent, this piece just seems to be trying to be something its not. I have to reference Ocham's Razor here, keep it simple.
|
There's a rhythm/flow conflict in this piece. If not, then it is convoluted so as to not be evident to the casual reader. The archaic language makes it really hard to delve into and the abbreviations seem overused. Not knocking your work or talent, this piece just seems to be trying to be something its not. I have to reference Ocham's Razor here, keep it simple.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2006
Comment from sharon fallis
I feel that this poem is too broken up and drug out too long. You are using words from 'old english' mixed with modern-nistic extremes. It should be either one or the other, but not both as it takes away from the whole concept of what you are trying to say. Otherwise you have a good subject, and the idea is nice. Just need to 'tweak' it to perfection.
Thank you for sharing Sharon
|
I feel that this poem is too broken up and drug out too long. You are using words from 'old english' mixed with modern-nistic extremes. It should be either one or the other, but not both as it takes away from the whole concept of what you are trying to say. Otherwise you have a good subject, and the idea is nice. Just need to 'tweak' it to perfection.
Thank you for sharing Sharon
Comment Written 27-Mar-2006
