Comment from Chrissy710

Excellent

Ha Ha Bill, Must have been some atmosphere on the planet . A good story that made me smile with your clever ending. Good luck in the contest. Cheers Chris

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020

Thanks, Chrissy, for the kind review. Bill

Comment from Suzanna Ray

Excellent

Dear Bill, If you didn't write other stuff, I would be seriously concerned about your mental health! (smile)

So, what do I particularly like or dislike about this post?

I like it because It is bizarre. as for the other side of the coin, I think you are trying TOO hard to be cute when you have to name Lt Watson , Lt 'wrong way' Watson.
Or when you use expressions like " your ears are beginning to look like ( drink coasters") He was a Lt after all, And probably a graduate from Annapolis; . . besides it is your principal protagonist who is becoming 'something else.' not the Lt. hallucinating.

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020

Yes, being cute is a burden I have that keeps me from staying serious when I should. I see this as part of the revision process and I have to agree that the nickname for the navigator has no purpose if not connected to his diverting them to the wrong planet. Since that wasn?t suggested, the labeling becomes superfluous.
Truth be told, this wasn?t a horror story until I wrote our narrator?s thoughts about what Watson tasted like. Then I simply added the next and last sentence and labeled it as a horror story. Some people consider cannibalism horrible.
I realized I had reserved a spot in the horror contest, so I dropped this in.
Your critique about the lieutenant?s nickname is justified and I?m eliminating it. I?m sorry, but Watson?s description of the captain?s ears is the only, no pun intended, fleshing out of the luey?s character that I include.
So, Watson is just a tasty navigator and the captain became deformed and insane.

reply by Suzanna Ray on 20-Jan-2020

Dear Bill, I would think that IF the narrator evolved into a monster that ate people from his exposure to the gasses on that planet rather than just saying he had gone insane, would be a more horrifying scenario! What do you think?

reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020

This is fun. I?m sure I?ve spent more time and thought on this back and forth than with the story.
My narrator is unreliable, noting his increasing abilities, denying his advancing deformation, and acknowledging he was about to and supposedly did eat his lieutenant, almost as an afterthought, minimizing its horrific implications.
The actual ripping and tearing of Watson was not my goal for this story.

reply by Suzanna Ray on 20-Jan-2020

Dear Bill, I like the word ?deformation? ! Ain?t the english language great! If a word doesn?t already exist, you can just combine a couple of syllables and make one up! P. S. I am pretty sure deformation IS already a dictionary word. I will have to look it up, and
? transformation ? too.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I was worried about the "horror" category but then I thought, Bill will add his humor and redeem it somehow. Well, I was not disappointed. Poor Watson. My favorite part was Watson's description of the captain's changing appearance.

"Your complexion is jaundice " (jaundiced)

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020

I swear there was a D on jaundiced when I posted. Or, was it on ...anD green? :)

Comment from Y. M. Roger

Excellent

LOL! Okay, I know it wasn't meant to be funny and maybe it's late, but this was quite the amusing horror offering, Bill.... Regardless of my giggles, this really was set up well to demonstrate through thought and dialogue the transformation that was occurring -- great job! ;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck in the competition! ;) Yvette

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020

Thank you, Yvette. I appreciate your positive review. Bill

Comment from Tina Crute

Excellent

Oh no! Poor Watson. The surprise ended in horror alright. I enjoyed this read.Your artwork too, I like, as it is immensely interesting, and begs poems to be written about it. Thanks for the groan and the laugh!
Tina

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020

Thanks for joining the captain for dinner, Tina.

reply by Tina Crute on 20-Jan-2020

Haha! I am coming no
where near him! I don't
want to be his nxt course!

Comment from susand3022

Excellent

Hi Bill, I guess Watson hadn't been read his fairy tales as a child. Otherwise, he'd simply have said... "What big eyes you have, Captain," and high-tailed it out of there when he saw the drool!!! lol

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 19-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020

Watson is all eaten up about not high-tailing it.