Seasons
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Travel Light"Colors of each of the 4
12 total reviews
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this verse is very nicely written.
It reads smoothly and tells a clear story, using the Blind Rhyme.
Well done and thank you for sharing this with us.
Sharon
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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I think this verse is very nicely written.
It reads smoothly and tells a clear story, using the Blind Rhyme.
Well done and thank you for sharing this with us.
Sharon
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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Thanks for your kind words
Hugs, Trisha
Comment from estory
The complicated, interlinked rhyme scheme here worked well as a musical and rhythmic effect, in my opinion. It set up dramatic breaks in the language that interrupted the natural flow, like waves breaking on a barrier wall. Interesting, and different, imaginative. There's this sense of people trying to leave their baggage, their past, behind and not quite being able to move beyond it. Somehow it's always following us around, like these rhymes. In that way, I thought it was good form following function, or form providing a good framework for the theme. How does one find one's true self? Nowadays I think most people would say it's in being yourself, but I think it's impossible to define an individual separate from the people interacting in his/her life. So to be truly oneself, one must serve others. estory
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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The complicated, interlinked rhyme scheme here worked well as a musical and rhythmic effect, in my opinion. It set up dramatic breaks in the language that interrupted the natural flow, like waves breaking on a barrier wall. Interesting, and different, imaginative. There's this sense of people trying to leave their baggage, their past, behind and not quite being able to move beyond it. Somehow it's always following us around, like these rhymes. In that way, I thought it was good form following function, or form providing a good framework for the theme. How does one find one's true self? Nowadays I think most people would say it's in being yourself, but I think it's impossible to define an individual separate from the people interacting in his/her life. So to be truly oneself, one must serve others. estory
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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Finding your true self depends on the amount of baggage ?sold? you in childhood and how your life is affected. I really appreciate your in-depth review. Thanks for your kind words
Hugs, Trisha
Comment from Gail Denham
You did well with the inner rhymes. The poem becomes one about leaving some distrusts, messes behind. I did think at first it would truly be about traveling light. This is a theme I write about as a few times, when traveling, I was so overburdened.
Good poem
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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You did well with the inner rhymes. The poem becomes one about leaving some distrusts, messes behind. I did think at first it would truly be about traveling light. This is a theme I write about as a few times, when traveling, I was so overburdened.
Good poem
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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Thanks for your kind words
Hugs, Trisha
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written blind rhyme poem about baggage of the
Past that can hold us back for a long time and leave no space for new adventures. Take only what you need leave the rest behind.
Typo
(U)Very few of us are baggage free
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A very well-written blind rhyme poem about baggage of the
Past that can hold us back for a long time and leave no space for new adventures. Take only what you need leave the rest behind.
Typo
(U)Very few of us are baggage free
Comment Written 25-Jan-2020
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your Potlatch Club challenge poem, Bucketlist. Your lines flow smoothly with good rhymes and a great message to all about living their lives. The image is a good pairing, too. Your poem progresses at a good pace with each verse adding more to your message. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with Love, Jan
Enable mental tapes to grow
Sew belief from insults' hurt
Same tapes will play [blurt out in our head] on in our head (Is there a rhyme for the word 'hurt'?]
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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I enjoyed your Potlatch Club challenge poem, Bucketlist. Your lines flow smoothly with good rhymes and a great message to all about living their lives. The image is a good pairing, too. Your poem progresses at a good pace with each verse adding more to your message. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with Love, Jan
Enable mental tapes to grow
Sew belief from insults' hurt
Same tapes will play [blurt out in our head] on in our head (Is there a rhyme for the word 'hurt'?]
Comment Written 24-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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Thanks Jan, your suggestion improved my poem, as I had overlooked a missing rhyme.
I?m glad you enjoyed my poem, thanks for your kind review
Hugs,
Trisha
Comment from damommy
Your blind/hidden rhymes fit in very well, very smoothly. It would be nice if we could leave the bad parts of our past behind us sometimes, but unfortunately, it's always with us.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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Your blind/hidden rhymes fit in very well, very smoothly. It would be nice if we could leave the bad parts of our past behind us sometimes, but unfortunately, it's always with us.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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Sometime the past hurts so much, that the person can?t function . It?s always with us , but it?s the degree of effect that is the real challenge.Thanks so much for your positive review
Hugs, Trisha
Comment from May 1
Wow, this is such a deep poem, wonderfully written. It is very fun to read and I really like the image you chose for this poem. All in all, I really enjoyed reading this poem.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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Wow, this is such a deep poem, wonderfully written. It is very fun to read and I really like the image you chose for this poem. All in all, I really enjoyed reading this poem.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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I really appreciate your complimentary review. Thank you so much.
Hugs,Trisha
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I so agree with your words here Trish! Unfortunately we can't help but carry baggage, it is with us always and some carry it on their sleeve and some hide it, I enjoyed your words here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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I so agree with your words here Trish! Unfortunately we can't help but carry baggage, it is with us always and some carry it on their sleeve and some hide it, I enjoyed your words here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 24-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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And some get their lives in a mess from large baggage. Thanks for your kind review
Hugs, TrishA
Comment from Bill Pinder
I like this poem displaying the concept of hidden rhyme. You have expressed a very important idea in a creative way. It is a tough battle. Thanks for sharing. Bill
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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I like this poem displaying the concept of hidden rhyme. You have expressed a very important idea in a creative way. It is a tough battle. Thanks for sharing. Bill
Comment Written 24-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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Yes, it estrous some people?s lives. Therapists will never be out of a job!, Thanks Bill, for your positive review.
Hugs ,
Trisha
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Wow I have not tried one of these yet but this one follows the rules and the wording is cleverly chosen. Very cute and spot on rhyme and meter. Nicely done
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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Wow I have not tried one of these yet but this one follows the rules and the wording is cleverly chosen. Very cute and spot on rhyme and meter. Nicely done
Comment Written 24-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2020
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It was very time consuming for me! Health problems are slowing me down a lot. Thanks for your positive review
Hugs,Trisha