Comment from phill doran

Excellent

Hello Anon Writer
Very good. The unwritten sheets.
I think the paradigm shift started life as a scientific term - and in a way you are writing about chemistry, if not biology, so there is continuity there.
Without being disrespectful to your words, I battle a bit with contractions - in this case "...ne'er.." There are so many other ways to express yourself within this format - for example, you could end line three with a semi-colon and make line four "...two worlds will never be the same..." or perhaps "...their worlds..." or "...our worlds..." if you wished to switch from the observer to the observed. Just some ideas - as I say, I mean no disrespect and I wish you well in your contest.
cheers
phill

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2020

Thank you.

Comment from Fonda Little

Excellent

Love the picture and the colors you chose! God bless you In Jesus's Almighty, All Powerful, Divine, Holy, Majestic Name, The Name Above All Names I pray, amen, Amen, AMEN!

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2020

Thanks! I do so appreciate your time!

Comment from Suzanna Ray

Excellent

Dear writer, an excellent poem, and well illustrated.
I found your title most intriguing and would have stopped to read if it had just been printed in an anthology with no illustration. That is the greatest strength of this poem.

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2020

Thanks! I do so appreciate your time!

reply by Suzanna Ray on 07-Jan-2020

let me know when you post more of your work

Comment from Michele Harber

Excellent

You did an excellent job of depicting an intense sexual encounter without ever overtly mentioning or describing what took place. You skillfully avoided any direct mention (leaving this PG rated), allowing the reader to create his or her own fantasy. Very well done.

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2020

Thanks, Michele! I do so appreciate your time!

reply by Michele Harber on 07-Jan-2020

You're very welcome!

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This cinquain, Paradigm Shift, has the proper formatting and reminds all of us that once:

Two roads diverged ...,
and I took one,
And that has made all the difference.

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2020

Thanks for the lovely addition, Bill... she has definitely made the best of her "Kathy-space" in your heart, yeah? So glad you've had her to walk beside on that chosen road! ;)

Comment from Tina Crute

Excellent

This is a very well crafted cinquain. The message is fully explained in just a few words by the title and content. The world's have shifted...that's a simple concept but also deep. Nice writing!

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2020

Thanks, Tina! I so appreciate your time!

reply by Tina Crute on 07-Jan-2020

You are welcome!

Comment from Iza Deleanu

Excellent

WOW very sensual and emotional poem - innocence finds passion...
And two worlds will ne'er be the same
Again.Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020

Thank you so much!

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written Cinquain about the shift between two worlds that become complicated after a night of passion. Some will make a success while others create pain and heartache for a lifetime.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020

Thank you so much!