Aiona's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 69 "Flake"Because my portfolio is too messy and I have OCD.
4 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Aiona,
This sounds like a person in need of help. He seems to be on his way to losing his friends due to his drug habbit.
Nicelyn descriptive and emotive 15 syllable poem.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing.
Joan
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2020
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Aiona,
This sounds like a person in need of help. He seems to be on his way to losing his friends due to his drug habbit.
Nicelyn descriptive and emotive 15 syllable poem.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing.
Joan
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2020
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Thanks, Joan.
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No problem, Aiona.
Joan
Comment from susand3022
Really, Aiona??? You want to race with someone who's on Meth?? That's just NUTS!!! You should know better than that... I hope you make the fool wear a lot of life jackets... like all over his body! Dumbass is likely to end up in the water... they need to invent flotation suits. Pull the chord and you become your own life raft! (better add a homing device!) {hey, if you run with that one, I want a share of the profits!} ;)
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2020
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Really, Aiona??? You want to race with someone who's on Meth?? That's just NUTS!!! You should know better than that... I hope you make the fool wear a lot of life jackets... like all over his body! Dumbass is likely to end up in the water... they need to invent flotation suits. Pull the chord and you become your own life raft! (better add a homing device!) {hey, if you run with that one, I want a share of the profits!} ;)
Comment Written 05-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2020
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LOL! I dunno. I think you would own the patent on that one. Actually his best friend did end up in the water last year. He was drinking, and fell overboard. CCTV of the marina showed he was in the water for two hours before the night security man passed by and heard a gurgling noise, and pulled him out, hypothermic.
Comment from phill doran
Hello Aiona
Yes, very sad, very common. My experience is that your friend did not even 'forget' in the normal sense of the word - the commitment just never registered in their mind, which - if it is a meth issue - isn't really a 'mind'.
The piece itself is 'right' and balanced - in passing, perhaps end with a question mark ("...high?") as you appear to be giving them the benefit of the doubt - just a thought.
I wish you well with your writing.
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2020
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Hello Aiona
Yes, very sad, very common. My experience is that your friend did not even 'forget' in the normal sense of the word - the commitment just never registered in their mind, which - if it is a meth issue - isn't really a 'mind'.
The piece itself is 'right' and balanced - in passing, perhaps end with a question mark ("...high?") as you appear to be giving them the benefit of the doubt - just a thought.
I wish you well with your writing.
cheers
phill
Comment Written 05-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2020
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Thanks, Phil. I will do that.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
You said you'd come.
Why did you lie?
Or forgot
'Cause you were high.
Perfectly done for the contest and a needed message along with it. Nicely done
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2020
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You said you'd come.
Why did you lie?
Or forgot
'Cause you were high.
Perfectly done for the contest and a needed message along with it. Nicely done
Comment Written 05-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2020
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Thanks, Barb.
