The Unexpected.
A flash fiction contest.15 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
You did a great job with this story! I hope you'll write more adventures of kids trying to be brave under these kinds of circumstances! I smiled at the snake skin reference as I remember how you don't like snakes. I really liked "Dust bunnies were so abundant, a zoo could have been started."
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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You did a great job with this story! I hope you'll write more adventures of kids trying to be brave under these kinds of circumstances! I smiled at the snake skin reference as I remember how you don't like snakes. I really liked "Dust bunnies were so abundant, a zoo could have been started."
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Helene for reviewing and your fantastic comments. Blessings, smiles n hugs!
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I've used cleo85 many times also.
This image will draw the reader in: " Jimmy was the one who turned the knob with his sleeve pulled down over his hand to avoid the dirt."
With your word limitations, you did an excellent job, covering the setting and character description. You kept the reader in great suspense. Great work. I have to give you A+
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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I've used cleo85 many times also.
This image will draw the reader in: " Jimmy was the one who turned the knob with his sleeve pulled down over his hand to avoid the dirt."
With your word limitations, you did an excellent job, covering the setting and character description. You kept the reader in great suspense. Great work. I have to give you A+
Comment Written 29-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much Liz for reading, reviewing and your fantastic comments, thank you as well for the six shinies, lol.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
LOL! Yeah, don't tell the cops tonight... kids are so silly! :) But this one had me starting to tell them to just 'get out' just over halfway through... old, abandoned places always give me the creeps! ;) :) LOL! I really like the girl/boy humor woven among the discoveries... but what is up with the snakeskin..? ;) :) :) You've got me wondering.... Great offering, ma'am -- thanx for sharing! :) Yvette
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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LOL! Yeah, don't tell the cops tonight... kids are so silly! :) But this one had me starting to tell them to just 'get out' just over halfway through... old, abandoned places always give me the creeps! ;) :) LOL! I really like the girl/boy humor woven among the discoveries... but what is up with the snakeskin..? ;) :) :) You've got me wondering.... Great offering, ma'am -- thanx for sharing! :) Yvette
Comment Written 20-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for reviewing Yvette. The snake skin meant that there was probably still a snake in the house somewhere. I am so glad you enjoyed it.
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You see, even more reason for me to be hollering at them to 'leave'!! ;) :)
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Yepper, I only wrote what my muse said, lol
Comment from poetwatch
Ah Alie, a picture is worth a thousand words. You should have taken a pic of the ghost girl. :) You may have solved the crime and gotten a reward. After the ticket for breaking and entering. :) This is a good entry for the Halloween Flash Fiction contest.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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Ah Alie, a picture is worth a thousand words. You should have taken a pic of the ghost girl. :) You may have solved the crime and gotten a reward. After the ticket for breaking and entering. :) This is a good entry for the Halloween Flash Fiction contest.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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Wow thank you Jose for reviewing and your amazing comments.
Comment from robyn corum
Alie,
Yep. Kids are stupid. So, that means someone else is using the old house, huh? A decomposing body is a recently-dead body. That is a newer development.
The police will need to know for sure. But not until those kids gets another taste of home and love and safety.
Nice job. Good luck!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Alie,
Yep. Kids are stupid. So, that means someone else is using the old house, huh? A decomposing body is a recently-dead body. That is a newer development.
The police will need to know for sure. But not until those kids gets another taste of home and love and safety.
Nice job. Good luck!
Comment Written 19-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much Robyn for your comments and good wishes.
Comment from BeasPeas
Old houses, presumed haunted, intrigue everyone. Most like to investigate. I think sometimes we scare ourselves more than the house scares. In this case, though, I think the police should have been notified right away. Good luck in the contest with this interesting and provocative flash fiction. Marilyn
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Old houses, presumed haunted, intrigue everyone. Most like to investigate. I think sometimes we scare ourselves more than the house scares. In this case, though, I think the police should have been notified right away. Good luck in the contest with this interesting and provocative flash fiction. Marilyn
Comment Written 19-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Thank you Marilyn for reviewing and your great comments and wishes.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your story is a good contest entry, aryr. I enjoyed reading it. Your words flow ell with great imagery. This is filled with great suspense. I was engaged from start to finish. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully with Love, Jan
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Your story is a good contest entry, aryr. I enjoyed reading it. Your words flow ell with great imagery. This is filled with great suspense. I was engaged from start to finish. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully with Love, Jan
Comment Written 19-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Thank you Jan for your kind words & encouragement.
Comment from Mabaker
I don't know what it is with some people they just want to scare themselves to... somewhere! Great use of descriptive words Alie you took us along all the passageways and the kitchen, ugh! I'm with you on snakes skin on or off! The place we lived before this had an old shed and being civic minded Raymond decided to clean it out. Finding a rather heavy box he casually opened it to find a coiled up python. Very much alive he (Raymond, not the snake) closed the lid and left it to it slumber. The six this time is for the pictures you create wonderful and shivery. Luv U Anne
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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I don't know what it is with some people they just want to scare themselves to... somewhere! Great use of descriptive words Alie you took us along all the passageways and the kitchen, ugh! I'm with you on snakes skin on or off! The place we lived before this had an old shed and being civic minded Raymond decided to clean it out. Finding a rather heavy box he casually opened it to find a coiled up python. Very much alive he (Raymond, not the snake) closed the lid and left it to it slumber. The six this time is for the pictures you create wonderful and shivery. Luv U Anne
Comment Written 19-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Wow, thank you so much Anne for your kind words and for sharing those memories. I just couldn't pass up the season. If I had found the heavy box I would have slammed the lid and ran like heck. Luv u Alie
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I don't know that Mister Casual didn't do just that. LOL
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Ahaaaa he is being secretive lol, but he was allowed to run like heck.
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I reckon he might have too Alie.
Comment from Rikki66
Good luck in the contest. Those that dare do not do, those that do run home scared of what they find a body or a ghost.
Rikki*******************************************************
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Good luck in the contest. Those that dare do not do, those that do run home scared of what they find a body or a ghost.
Rikki*******************************************************
Comment Written 19-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for your sixes and for your wishes and wonderful comments.
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Welcome
Rikki
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Interesting description of a visit to a real haunted house, such as one would imagine but never really see. Scary stories can conjure up new stories in the minds of listeners. This would make a good campfire story. :)
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Interesting description of a visit to a real haunted house, such as one would imagine but never really see. Scary stories can conjure up new stories in the minds of listeners. This would make a good campfire story. :)
Comment Written 19-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind words Phyllis.
