Aaron's Dragons
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Trouble of a Different Kind"An aging knight finds a clutch of dragon eggs
15 total reviews
Comment from Melonie Kirchoff
It's a good story but it could use a lot more descriptive language. It felt like it was just a list of things happening one after another instead of a story being told. I think it would help to get in the head of the main character and describe feelings, emotions, thoughts, reactions and such. Keep it up! Happy Writing!
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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It's a good story but it could use a lot more descriptive language. It felt like it was just a list of things happening one after another instead of a story being told. I think it would help to get in the head of the main character and describe feelings, emotions, thoughts, reactions and such. Keep it up! Happy Writing!
Comment Written 07-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review, and for the suggestions.
Comment from Mark Howitt
This has the potential to become an excellent book.
I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so please ignore me if you wish. I'd ideally like to see a bit of polishing, especially removing repetition. For example, "Aaron thought he would laugh himself into a fit. He might have, had Pink not stopped him. // "You must stop," she said." could become "... into a fit, but Pink sensed it. // "You must stop", she said.
And a little more variety in grammatical form than the active and direct A did B, C said D... Another polishing example: "Aaron took a loaf, and using the cloth, he carried everything back ..." could become "Putting a loaf in the cloth together with the other things, he returned ..."
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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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This has the potential to become an excellent book.
I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so please ignore me if you wish. I'd ideally like to see a bit of polishing, especially removing repetition. For example, "Aaron thought he would laugh himself into a fit. He might have, had Pink not stopped him. // "You must stop," she said." could become "... into a fit, but Pink sensed it. // "You must stop", she said.
And a little more variety in grammatical form than the active and direct A did B, C said D... Another polishing example: "Aaron took a loaf, and using the cloth, he carried everything back ..." could become "Putting a loaf in the cloth together with the other things, he returned ..."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review and for the suggestions.
Comment from Bill Pinder
Thanks for sharing another story in the adventures of the dragons with the problems brewing in the kingdom. Looks like another unique dragon, in fact two, have joined in the adventure.
Bill
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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Thanks for sharing another story in the adventures of the dragons with the problems brewing in the kingdom. Looks like another unique dragon, in fact two, have joined in the adventure.
Bill
Comment Written 07-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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Thanks for staying tuned. Yes, there's lots of trouble brewing.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
We are family I have all my dragons with me. The tribe grows, poor Aaron is going to run soon out of option with this growing household of magical creatures. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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We are family I have all my dragons with me. The tribe grows, poor Aaron is going to run soon out of option with this growing household of magical creatures. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Thanks. Yes, Aaron definitely has his hands full.
Comment from Adri7enne
Wow! That's non-stop action. I don't know how you keep track of so many characters if they're all going to have their individual personalities and descriptions. It would make a delightful comic strip story, like one of those 'Marvel comics". You have an amazing power of concentration to keep all of it afloat. Especially since they all come into play at the same time. Whew! You're a better man than I am Gunga Din! Lol! Well done!
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Wow! That's non-stop action. I don't know how you keep track of so many characters if they're all going to have their individual personalities and descriptions. It would make a delightful comic strip story, like one of those 'Marvel comics". You have an amazing power of concentration to keep all of it afloat. Especially since they all come into play at the same time. Whew! You're a better man than I am Gunga Din! Lol! Well done!
Comment Written 07-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Thanks! Once I decide who the dragon is, it's fairly easy to keep track of him.
Comment from Sylvia Page
The family of dragons is growing by the day. Another handful has emerged from its shell and is bound to give Aaron some extra work. Fortunately, the red dragon is getting more manageable.
The witch is another matter. At least she has gathered and stored enough food for all.
Best wishes
Sylvia
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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The family of dragons is growing by the day. Another handful has emerged from its shell and is bound to give Aaron some extra work. Fortunately, the red dragon is getting more manageable.
The witch is another matter. At least she has gathered and stored enough food for all.
Best wishes
Sylvia
Comment Written 06-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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Thanks. The witch saw the trouble coming. She id what she had to. She may not be too friendly, but she's not evil. I almost fed the red dragon to the king, but she was a favorite.
Comment from Mistydawn
Oh, wonderful, another trouble maker and just when red was calming down too. The poor mouse caught in a game of tug-o-war. I had to chuckle at that part. The chapter is well-written, very descriptive, colorful, imaginative yet believable. Great job.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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Oh, wonderful, another trouble maker and just when red was calming down too. The poor mouse caught in a game of tug-o-war. I had to chuckle at that part. The chapter is well-written, very descriptive, colorful, imaginative yet believable. Great job.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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Thanks. I think Black and Red are going to be a lot of fun.
Comment from juliaSjames
I enjoyed this chapter. I have a large family of cats, all with different personalities. The most aggressive as a kitten was my black cat who was the runt of the litter. He had to be feisty to survive. So I can relate to the dragon squabbles.
Surprised that Pink backed off from newly hatched Black.
Aaron and the witch are a good combination although she seems to push his arrogant knight buttons.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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I enjoyed this chapter. I have a large family of cats, all with different personalities. The most aggressive as a kitten was my black cat who was the runt of the litter. He had to be feisty to survive. So I can relate to the dragon squabbles.
Surprised that Pink backed off from newly hatched Black.
Aaron and the witch are a good combination although she seems to push his arrogant knight buttons.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 06-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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Aaron and the witch want the same thing, to protect the dragons. Aaron isn't arrogant by nature, but he's a knight. It's just the way things are in his world.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
A lot has happened. Two new dragons. The black one is a handful, much like the red one had been. If they're smaller than a mouse, they're very tiny. Surprised that newborns can do much of anything.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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A lot has happened. Two new dragons. The black one is a handful, much like the red one had been. If they're smaller than a mouse, they're very tiny. Surprised that newborns can do much of anything.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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Thanks. I think they're a little bigger than the mouse, but not enough to kill and eat it. Lots of newborns are feisty. I can't have them sitting in the nest with their mouths open. That would be dull!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
You are so lucky. All these dragons to play with. They are my favourite creature I think - so much scope for the imagination. I can imagine that they are rather trying on a full-time basis, and am in great admiration of the speed at which you write (good) English.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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You are so lucky. All these dragons to play with. They are my favourite creature I think - so much scope for the imagination. I can imagine that they are rather trying on a full-time basis, and am in great admiration of the speed at which you write (good) English.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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Thanks. I'm so glad you're still enjoying the story.