senryu (mouth set firmly)
My life needs sweetening.11 total reviews
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have made excellent use of all of your syllables in this piece. You have met the prompt requirements by senryu-ing yourself. I get a little "hard-boiled" myself sometimes! :-)
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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You have made excellent use of all of your syllables in this piece. You have met the prompt requirements by senryu-ing yourself. I get a little "hard-boiled" myself sometimes! :-)
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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Thanks for reviewing. As long as we lighten up by lunchtime I guess it's OK.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
I saw this one several days ago. I thought then and I think now, what a wonderful image this Haiku has created. Everybody knows somebody who fits this description. Kudos to the author
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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I saw this one several days ago. I thought then and I think now, what a wonderful image this Haiku has created. Everybody knows somebody who fits this description. Kudos to the author
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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It sounds rather bleak... emotionally hardened, no honey or sugar to share breakfasts with. She'll perk up by lunchtime. And at dinner time she'll probably eat a whole cheesecake by herself, or a block of chocolate, then start bouncing off the walls grinning in a sugar rush! Hopefully, someone else is coming around for dinner, so she doesn't make a pig of herself.
Comment from NickieT
This is cleverly done. I really enjoy the combination of hard boiled and no sugar. It gives the reader an idea of personality all through the wonderful lens of breakfast =)
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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This is cleverly done. I really enjoy the combination of hard boiled and no sugar. It gives the reader an idea of personality all through the wonderful lens of breakfast =)
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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I'm pleased you like this one. You seem to be getting all my sad ones.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I read this three times and finally got it. I don't have a honey to share breakfast with, either! And that's the way a hard-boiled person would like it. Humphrey Bogart's Sam Spade would have loved to use this senryu as dialogue in a detective movie. Nice share!
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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I read this three times and finally got it. I don't have a honey to share breakfast with, either! And that's the way a hard-boiled person would like it. Humphrey Bogart's Sam Spade would have loved to use this senryu as dialogue in a detective movie. Nice share!
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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Emotionally hardened types get used to being without a honey I guess. Soft-boiled can run all over the place more freely.
Comment from Sallyo
Mmm, I wonder if that's a comment on your nature or on the situation you happen to live in? Maybe it's a bit of both. The piece made me think, anyway, which is a purpose of poetry
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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Mmm, I wonder if that's a comment on your nature or on the situation you happen to live in? Maybe it's a bit of both. The piece made me think, anyway, which is a purpose of poetry
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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Definitely something of both. Emotionally hardened through necessity and situation, even though generally soft-boiled.
Comment from humpwhistle
Someone sounds like a morning grump. But who am I to judge.
I eat Curmudgeon-Os for breakfast.
I like the play on words of your satori.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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Someone sounds like a morning grump. But who am I to judge.
I eat Curmudgeon-Os for breakfast.
I like the play on words of your satori.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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I hope your Curmudgeon-Os are tasty - you should suggest that name to the breakfast cereal companies. I'm sure it would prove popular.
Comment from Darlene Franklin
What a stark picture and diet, s adly healthy! No butter of salt for your egg, no milk or sugar for your coffee. Your life does need sweetening! Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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What a stark picture and diet, s adly healthy! No butter of salt for your egg, no milk or sugar for your coffee. Your life does need sweetening! Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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No 'honey' to sweeten me up either. But I definitely put some salt on my egg!
Comment from Alex Rosel
I'm sure many readers will be able to relate to this. I'm assuming the pun, "hardboiled" is intentional {smiles}.
If this was mine, I'd hyphenate "hard-boiled".
Best of luck with this when the voting booth opens {smiles}.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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I'm sure many readers will be able to relate to this. I'm assuming the pun, "hardboiled" is intentional {smiles}.
If this was mine, I'd hyphenate "hard-boiled".
Best of luck with this when the voting booth opens {smiles}.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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Thanks for your suggestion. I added the hyphen now.
'Hard-boiled' in this context means emotionally hardened.
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{Thumbs up}.
Comment from A Little Bird
Congratulations on this short, but insightful piece. Hope you find that person or activity in your life that can sweeten it, if that's what you desire. Good luck with the competition!
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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Congratulations on this short, but insightful piece. Hope you find that person or activity in your life that can sweeten it, if that's what you desire. Good luck with the competition!
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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Thanks for your comments. At least with breakfast alone, I can do the crossword in peace!
Comment from Gloria ....
I can dig it. The tone is firm and the hardboiled egg and unsweetened coffee make this one fine senryu about yourself that I AM not going to hazard any guess on who it might be. :)
Best of luck in the booths. :)
Gloria
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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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I can dig it. The tone is firm and the hardboiled egg and unsweetened coffee make this one fine senryu about yourself that I AM not going to hazard any guess on who it might be. :)
Best of luck in the booths. :)
Gloria
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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I'm sure you will be right - you are very astute.
It's not coffee, though.