haiku (hungry lizard)
The miracle of lizard colors.4 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with your haiku, Lance. Good job with the syllable count, the image, and the picture your words create.
May I suggest:
jumped--->best to use present tense--->jumps
turning--->'ing' try to avoid 'ing' words unless they are definitely adjectives
satori--->this is your 'aha' moment--make it count--->maybe something related to the lizard eating--camouflages from prey
These are just suggestions--use or file 13
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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You did a good job with your haiku, Lance. Good job with the syllable count, the image, and the picture your words create.
May I suggest:
jumped--->best to use present tense--->jumps
turning--->'ing' try to avoid 'ing' words unless they are definitely adjectives
satori--->this is your 'aha' moment--make it count--->maybe something related to the lizard eating--camouflages from prey
These are just suggestions--use or file 13
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Great comments. I actually made the ?jumps? change. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Val Crisson
First of all, you have too much presentation. I would pick one. Secondly, your haiku title should read - haiku (hungry green lizard). Good haiku, but I would have liked the satori line (last line) not to blend in so much with the first two lines. And "ings" in haiku are frowned upon. Please, take this with kindness as you asked me to look at it.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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First of all, you have too much presentation. I would pick one. Secondly, your haiku title should read - haiku (hungry green lizard). Good haiku, but I would have liked the satori line (last line) not to blend in so much with the first two lines. And "ings" in haiku are frowned upon. Please, take this with kindness as you asked me to look at it.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Great constructive criticism. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Cindy Warren
Ah, a little chameleon. It amazes me how they can do that. I watched a TV show a while back where a little octopus was able to mimic black and white squares. That freaked me out a little.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Ah, a little chameleon. It amazes me how they can do that. I watched a TV show a while back where a little octopus was able to mimic black and white squares. That freaked me out a little.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Darlene Franklin
That's simply amazing. Green's your color, Mr. Lizard, but what a funny lucky creature! It looks ready to be put in a magnifier and be blown up to the size of the dinosaurs.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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That's simply amazing. Green's your color, Mr. Lizard, but what a funny lucky creature! It looks ready to be put in a magnifier and be blown up to the size of the dinosaurs.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Hahaha. Thanks for your comments and review.
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You're welcome.