Gift of State
A 'What Happens After Dark' Contest Offering16 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Well, I did enjoy reading the predicament of an awkward gift given to the first female prez of the U.S.--a carved dragon. Your piece is well written, interesting, and humorous. Nice. Job. Marilyn
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Well, I did enjoy reading the predicament of an awkward gift given to the first female prez of the U.S.--a carved dragon. Your piece is well written, interesting, and humorous. Nice. Job. Marilyn
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Thanx for your review on this one, Marilyn -- so glad you found a smile inside my fulfillment of the craziness of the contest requirements - LOL! ;) :) Take care! ;) Yvette
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
Well, this one just squeaked in under the word count. Good job. All the necessary requirements seem to be in place. A couple of things I noted down as I read through-
the most gosh-awful dragon statue - why not just say ugly, hideous or one of many other adjectives. when you substitute another word for one which would normally by a swear word, it's a little off.
First Female President Afraid of Eighteen-Inch Dragon Statue- should probably have some end punctuation in here.
I refuse to comment on or off the record regarding this matter of insanity. - well, you just have...
Digging through the dresser drawers for a change of clothes / pulled on my pajamas - one wouldn't necessarily assume a change of clothes meant pajamas but rather a fresh set of clothes. Maybe they should be looking for their pajamas.
I didn't get why the president took the dragon to their bedroom and put it on a dresser if they disliked it so much. It doesn't make any sense, it could easily 9and indeed usually is) left behind in the meeting room or handed off to an aid once the visiting dignitary has left.
"Must have been a bad dream, Dan," I explained as I tried to cover my total embarrassment, "You know, one of those things- technically, the second piece of dialogue here should be lower case as the previous one is open and it isn't closed off after the speech tag either.
black dragon just like that terrible statue from Zheng! - Zhang.
I was not the only person that saw a huge, oriental dragon weaving- perhaps who rather than that when referencing people.
Me? Let's just say I never took another gift from any world leader...for luck or otherwise. - that's not going to make them popular at all. in fact, incredibly insulting. lol
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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hi there,
Well, this one just squeaked in under the word count. Good job. All the necessary requirements seem to be in place. A couple of things I noted down as I read through-
the most gosh-awful dragon statue - why not just say ugly, hideous or one of many other adjectives. when you substitute another word for one which would normally by a swear word, it's a little off.
First Female President Afraid of Eighteen-Inch Dragon Statue- should probably have some end punctuation in here.
I refuse to comment on or off the record regarding this matter of insanity. - well, you just have...
Digging through the dresser drawers for a change of clothes / pulled on my pajamas - one wouldn't necessarily assume a change of clothes meant pajamas but rather a fresh set of clothes. Maybe they should be looking for their pajamas.
I didn't get why the president took the dragon to their bedroom and put it on a dresser if they disliked it so much. It doesn't make any sense, it could easily 9and indeed usually is) left behind in the meeting room or handed off to an aid once the visiting dignitary has left.
"Must have been a bad dream, Dan," I explained as I tried to cover my total embarrassment, "You know, one of those things- technically, the second piece of dialogue here should be lower case as the previous one is open and it isn't closed off after the speech tag either.
black dragon just like that terrible statue from Zheng! - Zhang.
I was not the only person that saw a huge, oriental dragon weaving- perhaps who rather than that when referencing people.
Me? Let's just say I never took another gift from any world leader...for luck or otherwise. - that's not going to make them popular at all. in fact, incredibly insulting. lol
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Thank you for your suggestions and your time in reviewing. Much appreciated.
Comment from Sylvia Page
This is a winner. The story is well structured to show the Chinese mentality in making the President believe the disputed waterways was settled. In actual fact, they planted a device to destroy the White House.
Best wishes in the contest
Sylvia
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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This is a winner. The story is well structured to show the Chinese mentality in making the President believe the disputed waterways was settled. In actual fact, they planted a device to destroy the White House.
Best wishes in the contest
Sylvia
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review!
Comment from Darlene Franklin
Ooh, I like this president, dragon, wizard, story. Master of the ancient arts indeed! There's more than one way for him to tame the American monster. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Ooh, I like this president, dragon, wizard, story. Master of the ancient arts indeed! There's more than one way for him to tame the American monster. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review!
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements nicely as you effectively incorporate all of the necessary words within the total word count allotted. The story progresses in a clear and logical manner. The dialog is believable and fluid. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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This meets the contest requirements nicely as you effectively incorporate all of the necessary words within the total word count allotted. The story progresses in a clear and logical manner. The dialog is believable and fluid. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
Well, the good news is that the Secret Service won't think the President is nuts now. They saw it, too. hahahaha
Though I'm not sure what was accomplished? Seems like the US got what they wanted in the Peace Talks and then the President and staff were unharmed in the fire. Though the White House was lost -- a terrible tragedy, to be sure -- does that work as a positive for China in any way?
Otherwise, I enjoyed! Good luck!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Dear Mystery Writer,
Well, the good news is that the Secret Service won't think the President is nuts now. They saw it, too. hahahaha
Though I'm not sure what was accomplished? Seems like the US got what they wanted in the Peace Talks and then the President and staff were unharmed in the fire. Though the White House was lost -- a terrible tragedy, to be sure -- does that work as a positive for China in any way?
Otherwise, I enjoyed! Good luck!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
An exciting choice of scenery one president, - check; one dragon-check; mentioning of the wizard -check and you scramble everything in one friendly fire, and voila you have yourself a nice story. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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An exciting choice of scenery one president, - check; one dragon-check; mentioning of the wizard -check and you scramble everything in one friendly fire, and voila you have yourself a nice story. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Thank you for your time in reviewing and for your good luck wishes!
Comment from estory
I liked this. you had a nice disarming attitude for the female US president, nonchalantly dismissing the dragon statue as a hallucination as these sci fi events unfold. First the laundry burns, and then the white house. I liked how you started very subtly with these small incidents and gradually built up the whole story to explode into flame at the end. Beware of those Chinese bearing gifts! estory
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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I liked this. you had a nice disarming attitude for the female US president, nonchalantly dismissing the dragon statue as a hallucination as these sci fi events unfold. First the laundry burns, and then the white house. I liked how you started very subtly with these small incidents and gradually built up the whole story to explode into flame at the end. Beware of those Chinese bearing gifts! estory
Comment Written 13-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Thank you so very much for this awesome review!!
Comment from shaffer40
What a creative, intriguing, and eerie response to the prompt. The story leaves one with all sorts of images and a new look at politics. And she the first woman president. Let's hope this doesn't portend the future. :) Well-written, by the way.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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What a creative, intriguing, and eerie response to the prompt. The story leaves one with all sorts of images and a new look at politics. And she the first woman president. Let's hope this doesn't portend the future. :) Well-written, by the way.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Wow! Thank you so very much, shaffer, for such a wonderful review! I was a bit worried with how weird this was because of the requirements, but I am glad you found it intriguing! Thank you for the stars and have an awesome weekend!
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You are quite welcome, and well done.
Comment from Irisrose
This is a great short story. It is interesting with wry humor an exudes tremendous energy. The story should definitely be published or even made into a longer novel. I really liked it and would like to read more from this writer!
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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This is a great short story. It is interesting with wry humor an exudes tremendous energy. The story should definitely be published or even made into a longer novel. I really liked it and would like to read more from this writer!
Comment Written 13-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Wow! Thank you so very much for your wonderful comments, Irisrose - I was a little worried how this one would be received, but I'm so glad you enjoyed! I do so appreciate your stopping in for the read and review -- be sure to drop by anytime as you're certainly welcome! Have a great weekend!
