The Nesting Instinct
(1,168 words) Be careful what you wish for.5 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
Chewsday's edition indeed! - so clever. This is a great entry and had me hurrying through it to find out what happened. You've tied up all the ends nicely and I didn't find any spags. Good luck.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Chewsday's edition indeed! - so clever. This is a great entry and had me hurrying through it to find out what happened. You've tied up all the ends nicely and I didn't find any spags. Good luck.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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'Chewsday' was a last second arrival - one of those flashes of relevant imagination... my mind seems to think in puns.
Thanks for your review.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Intriguing indeed:) I really enjoyed your story, very beautifully written. It is indeed a crime story, we don't know if it was an accident or somebody else cause the death of this young person. The scary part of your story, the rodents. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Intriguing indeed:) I really enjoyed your story, very beautifully written. It is indeed a crime story, we don't know if it was an accident or somebody else cause the death of this young person. The scary part of your story, the rodents. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks for your review and comments about my story. I actually don't mind rats and mice - I wrote it because of a friend's extreme hysterical reaction to them, but I am sure I would get hysterical too if they dropped on my head in the bathtub and I couldn't get away from them!
Comment from Scarbrems
Gruesome, with a little bit of humour. I like it. You build this up nicely, introducing the hatred of rats, the claw-footed bathtub easily, without things feeling forced. I like the link at the end with nesting rats and the 'nesting' human. Chewsday - love it.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Gruesome, with a little bit of humour. I like it. You build this up nicely, introducing the hatred of rats, the claw-footed bathtub easily, without things feeling forced. I like the link at the end with nesting rats and the 'nesting' human. Chewsday - love it.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks for your comments. I was unsure about including the touches of humour - about the heavy lifting and eating cheesecakes, and Chewsday's edition, but I thought it was such a gruesome story it needed lightening up.
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It works well. Some of the best horror movies have that touch of humour.
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I wouldn't know - horror horrifies me and I've never seen one!
I made myself write this story to see if I could. I have since written another one with even more blood in it... I begin to worry myself!
Comment from royowen
You've constructed this very complicated plot very well indeed, You've chosen your characters well, with very readable and under stable dialogue, the plot is a winner, well thought out and practical, well explained and great to follow. Well done, great post, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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You've constructed this very complicated plot very well indeed, You've chosen your characters well, with very readable and under stable dialogue, the plot is a winner, well thought out and practical, well explained and great to follow. Well done, great post, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 07-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks for you comments. A friend of mine bought a house recently and I helped her move so that is what triggered this story. I won't show it to her because there is an extractor fan right above her lovely bathtub!
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Good job
Comment from Alex Rosel
This is an entertaining read, and your title The Nesting Instinct is well chosen to throw the reader, which in turn, comes back to bite them (see what I did there?).
I hate their horrid little clawed paws. â?? Oh, I like this a lot. For me, "clawed paws" is just perfect for setting the atmosphere for a horror piece of fiction. And it's reinforced by the subsequent "a very deep claw-foot bathtub". A great bit of foreshadowing {smiles}.
Good luck with the competition {smiles}.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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This is an entertaining read, and your title The Nesting Instinct is well chosen to throw the reader, which in turn, comes back to bite them (see what I did there?).
I hate their horrid little clawed paws. â?? Oh, I like this a lot. For me, "clawed paws" is just perfect for setting the atmosphere for a horror piece of fiction. And it's reinforced by the subsequent "a very deep claw-foot bathtub". A great bit of foreshadowing {smiles}.
Good luck with the competition {smiles}.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks for your review, Alex. Initially, I was going to have the victim in the bath a male called Claude, but I pulled back from that degree of obvious, haha.