St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "St. Louis Chapter 12 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
18 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
The relationship does seem to be fairly moving on with these two now. Much easier in one another's company.
She hesitated. "Are you sure about this." - perhaps a question mark in here.
"Thank you for switching the subject. I didn't want to tell your mom we're going to the dump site." - Hmm, not particularly tactful in regard to Logan's feelings though.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2019
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The relationship does seem to be fairly moving on with these two now. Much easier in one another's company.
She hesitated. "Are you sure about this." - perhaps a question mark in here.
"Thank you for switching the subject. I didn't want to tell your mom we're going to the dump site." - Hmm, not particularly tactful in regard to Logan's feelings though.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2019
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I wondered about the last line myself. You're the only person to pick up on it. I will see if I can come up with a gentler way of saying it. Thank you.
Comment from Dawn Munro
"Why (are) you decked out..." I realize it is dialogue, and we might actually say it without the "are", but IMHO it reads better with the proper grammar.
same thing here (although not everywhere -- in some place the shortened speech works, I believe) = "Maybe I'll find something, but (I) doubt it."
I'd be awfully tempted to replace one of those "churches" with 'place of worship' or 'sanctuary' -- there are so many in close proximity. Otherwise, an excellent read!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2019
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"Why (are) you decked out..." I realize it is dialogue, and we might actually say it without the "are", but IMHO it reads better with the proper grammar.
same thing here (although not everywhere -- in some place the shortened speech works, I believe) = "Maybe I'll find something, but (I) doubt it."
I'd be awfully tempted to replace one of those "churches" with 'place of worship' or 'sanctuary' -- there are so many in close proximity. Otherwise, an excellent read!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2019
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Thank you for your kind review. Sorry you had to read it without any money attached.
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You're very welcome, and I was happy to read it! :)
Comment from JLR
First good luck with the little minions....second thank you for your background and lead into your new chapter. You have a great take developing, perfect mystery and strong characters very enjoyable reading. Write on and write often...
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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First good luck with the little minions....second thank you for your background and lead into your new chapter. You have a great take developing, perfect mystery and strong characters very enjoyable reading. Write on and write often...
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Mistydawn
Sounds like you have your hands full. I'm sure you'll do just fine. The chapter is well-written, interesting moves the story along nicely. I'm so glad I found your post, could continue with the story.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Sounds like you have your hands full. I'm sure you'll do just fine. The chapter is well-written, interesting moves the story along nicely. I'm so glad I found your post, could continue with the story.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from tfawcus
I like the way this is developing. The dialogue in this chapter is particularly natural and well used both to develop character and to move the action along. We seem to be heading for a full blown romance here, but I have a feeling that you won't make the going too easy for them! LOL
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2019
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I like the way this is developing. The dialogue in this chapter is particularly natural and well used both to develop character and to move the action along. We seem to be heading for a full blown romance here, but I have a feeling that you won't make the going too easy for them! LOL
Comment Written 03-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2019
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It won't be easy for them. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Exciting chapter, the murderer is still to be discovered, and for now, is roaming free in the story. In the meantime, business as usual. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2019
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Exciting chapter, the murderer is still to be discovered, and for now, is roaming free in the story. In the meantime, business as usual. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from susand3022
Your post left me dancing! So if this is a mess you know it's cause I'm still jammin' ... lol... I love the story, I didn't notice any errors in it but I'm a little out of it... I just spent three days running with a three-year-old. The cranky toddler thing gets a bit much after a while. Two days is enough, but it was a holiday and I can't say no to my niece. She's a really good kid. I don't know how you do 24!!!! I think at the end of the week I'd need some therapy. LOL I might just move into that deli! :)
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2019
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Your post left me dancing! So if this is a mess you know it's cause I'm still jammin' ... lol... I love the story, I didn't notice any errors in it but I'm a little out of it... I just spent three days running with a three-year-old. The cranky toddler thing gets a bit much after a while. Two days is enough, but it was a holiday and I can't say no to my niece. She's a really good kid. I don't know how you do 24!!!! I think at the end of the week I'd need some therapy. LOL I might just move into that deli! :)
Comment Written 02-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2019
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I'm pretty sure there are days that I need therapy. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
I've added you and your students to my daily prayer list. I saw no evidence of SPAG in this so either it is really not there or I was just so wrapped up in the story I simply overlooked it LOL. This is really well written and certainly held my attention start to finish. Well done and tank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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I've added you and your students to my daily prayer list. I saw no evidence of SPAG in this so either it is really not there or I was just so wrapped up in the story I simply overlooked it LOL. This is really well written and certainly held my attention start to finish. Well done and tank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your prayers. Please continue. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Logan's mum sounds like me, lol. Every time my sons brought a young lady home I started asking when should I buy my hat! lol. We do like to see our boys settled with a good lady. It does seem to me that they really are getting closer, even though it's early days. Getting to know each other is important. I enjoyed this part, Barbara. Well done! Sandra xx
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Logan's mum sounds like me, lol. Every time my sons brought a young lady home I started asking when should I buy my hat! lol. We do like to see our boys settled with a good lady. It does seem to me that they really are getting closer, even though it's early days. Getting to know each other is important. I enjoyed this part, Barbara. Well done! Sandra xx
Comment Written 02-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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I think couples should spend time together and figure each other out before they hop into bed. Maybe I'm old fashioned. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
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No, not old fashioned, just very sensible. Too fast ends in unhappiness.
Comment from judiverse
Great post. I like the way the relationship between Mac and Logan is developing slowly. Logan does have a way of getting Mac to do what he wants. I think she actually likes having him give directions (such as going with him to church). It must be difficult for parents who've lost a child like this to have to wait so long before the body is released. Must be hard for Logan's mom. An actual Blues City Deli. Neat that you used it in your story.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2019
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Great post. I like the way the relationship between Mac and Logan is developing slowly. Logan does have a way of getting Mac to do what he wants. I think she actually likes having him give directions (such as going with him to church). It must be difficult for parents who've lost a child like this to have to wait so long before the body is released. Must be hard for Logan's mom. An actual Blues City Deli. Neat that you used it in your story.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2019
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It is. Most places I've used in all my stories are real. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're very welcome. I liked the restaurant. judi
