I'm Leaving Her
A man explains why he leaves his wife.31 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
When the love has gone there is no bringing it back and a break can often determine if the love has died. I have known people who have left their partners and then regretted it though, I enjoyed your words Phillip, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2019
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When the love has gone there is no bringing it back and a break can often determine if the love has died. I have known people who have left their partners and then regretted it though, I enjoyed your words Phillip, love Dolly x
Comment Written 29-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2019
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I'm honored by words, Dolly.
Phillip
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"I'm Leaving Her", is a well-written and thought-provoking piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. You KEEP WRITING and I'll KEEP reading. I look forward to seeing your next post.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2019
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"I'm Leaving Her", is a well-written and thought-provoking piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. You KEEP WRITING and I'll KEEP reading. I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2019
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I'm certainly no poet, however, I will do my best to keep you reading. Thanks for the encouragement, Duchess.
Phillip
Philip,my friend,
The more you write, THE BETTER YOU GET.
God bless and take care,
the Duchess
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Thanks, Duchess.
Phillip
Comment from Mary Wakeford
This happens so often on both sides, and it must be so disheartening. If only the spurned lovers would take on this philosophy instead of violence or other means. I wouldn't want to be with someone who cheated.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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This happens so often on both sides, and it must be so disheartening. If only the spurned lovers would take on this philosophy instead of violence or other means. I wouldn't want to be with someone who cheated.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Nope. Not good.
Phillip
Comment from JudyE
You've done well to relate a story in rhyme in this way. It has a rhythmic feel. Infidelity is such a cruel thing but the 'man' in your poem is not going to stoop to the woman's level. You've done well to portray this.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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You've done well to relate a story in rhyme in this way. It has a rhythmic feel. Infidelity is such a cruel thing but the 'man' in your poem is not going to stoop to the woman's level. You've done well to portray this.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Thanks, Judy E.
Phillip
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello pbomar1115
I like how you are direct s put your foot down and tell this woman that you are serious or if this is a warning to the woman you are referring to.
Gert
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Hello pbomar1115
I like how you are direct s put your foot down and tell this woman that you are serious or if this is a warning to the woman you are referring to.
Gert
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Thanks, Gert.
Phillip
Comment from Mastery
Hi Phillip. One question right off the get go...."Is this a rhyming poem or a short story? If you consider it poetry ( and it does rhyme btw) the the category should be changed, I think.
quite a story here. : ) Bob
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Hi Phillip. One question right off the get go...."Is this a rhyming poem or a short story? If you consider it poetry ( and it does rhyme btw) the the category should be changed, I think.
quite a story here. : ) Bob
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Ha. I thought rhyming poetry. I guess. Nevertheless, it's in the poetry group. Anyway, I'm grateful for the rating. Anyone else with your question this would have been a low evaluation. Thanks, Bob.
Phillip
Comment from lyenochka
It's such a painful thing to have a relationship with someone who can't be true. It's good that the narrator saves his self-esteem and rationally makes the right decision.
Some comments:
It's not that I followed her explained what I learned. (not sure what this means. Maybe : It's not clear that I followed her explanation. Here's what I learned.)
It was her body condition on every return. (conditioner? lotion?)
I'll scratch my head, each time, ponding, "Do she thinks she's fooling (pondering, "Does she think she's fooling)
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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It's such a painful thing to have a relationship with someone who can't be true. It's good that the narrator saves his self-esteem and rationally makes the right decision.
Some comments:
It's not that I followed her explained what I learned. (not sure what this means. Maybe : It's not clear that I followed her explanation. Here's what I learned.)
It was her body condition on every return. (conditioner? lotion?)
I'll scratch my head, each time, ponding, "Do she thinks she's fooling (pondering, "Does she think she's fooling)
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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I made sone correction, Lyencohka while you were reviewing the piece.
Phillip
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Great! It reads better.
I would suggest: "her body's condition"
and instead of "squabbling to a," I would say, "squabbling with a."
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OK, I like the corrections. Thanks, Lyenochka.
Phillip
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So you got it edited okay now?
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The more I study grammar I will improve at this writing business.
Phillip
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Phillip. Your story poem has the age-old theme of infidelity. A good poem, raw, always timely, and rhymes. There is no guarantee in any relationship, whether male or female, that one will be true to the other. Maybe that's why so many in the younger generation opt not to marry.
A small typo to fix here: "Do (does) she thinks (think) she's fooling me?"
Marilyn
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Hi Phillip. Your story poem has the age-old theme of infidelity. A good poem, raw, always timely, and rhymes. There is no guarantee in any relationship, whether male or female, that one will be true to the other. Maybe that's why so many in the younger generation opt not to marry.
A small typo to fix here: "Do (does) she thinks (think) she's fooling me?"
Marilyn
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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I agree, Beas, and thanks for the needed correction.
Phillip
Comment from LisaMay
The way you describe this woman she certainly does not deserve to be with a man of your integrity as shown in the story. An honest man should have the benefit of a loyal relationship with an honest woman. I liked your straight-talking style with some dialect that is different to what my ears are accustomed to. (I live in New Zealand.)
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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The way you describe this woman she certainly does not deserve to be with a man of your integrity as shown in the story. An honest man should have the benefit of a loyal relationship with an honest woman. I liked your straight-talking style with some dialect that is different to what my ears are accustomed to. (I live in New Zealand.)
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Believe it or not, Lisa, at a late age, I'm still learning "Proper Grammar." In addition, you give encouragement as I learn the craft of storytelling.
Phillip
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There are certainly some rules that are useful, but poetry is written from the heart at it's best. You will have lots of stories to tell - at a late age you will have lived a lot and now have the wisdom and experience to try to make some sense of it.
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Grammar learning is helping me express what I otherwise would not have expressed. It is liberating.
Phillip
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That is wonderful, Phillip! New knowledge is indeed liberating. You will flourish and grow!
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Ha. We will see,
Phillip
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:))))
Comment from Sallyo
I don't often see rhymed stories, even on FS! This is clever, and the wording is individual enough to keep me on my interpretive toes. The dialect is different from mine (I'm Tasmanian) but I think the following may need fixing.
ponding
pondering
It's not that I followed her explained what I learned.
It's not that I followed her- explained what I learned.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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I don't often see rhymed stories, even on FS! This is clever, and the wording is individual enough to keep me on my interpretive toes. The dialect is different from mine (I'm Tasmanian) but I think the following may need fixing.
ponding
pondering
It's not that I followed her explained what I learned.
It's not that I followed her- explained what I learned.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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I will make the correction, Sallyo. And thanks for reading.
Phillip
