The Walking Dead War
Humans fight off the walking dead.29 total reviews
Comment from Badger_29
Very well written. You drew me, but reader in and although I don't particularly care for this genre, you had me caught up in the excitement of the moment in Miami Florida. Your descriptions of your characters and their actions were very clear and concise and the reader couldn't help but sit on my edge of my chair just a bit waiting to see what's going to happen next. I would like to see a sequel to this one as you have piqued my interest. Well written good flow good excitement you captured the senses. If I had anything to suggest, it might be to add more sensory data. A very effective one is the sense of smell like Phil smelled gun grease as he entered the store sight taste what is heard and what is felt is also very good sensory data. Keep writing keep writing keep writing!
Blessings,
Brother Badger cull
Darren
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2019
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Very well written. You drew me, but reader in and although I don't particularly care for this genre, you had me caught up in the excitement of the moment in Miami Florida. Your descriptions of your characters and their actions were very clear and concise and the reader couldn't help but sit on my edge of my chair just a bit waiting to see what's going to happen next. I would like to see a sequel to this one as you have piqued my interest. Well written good flow good excitement you captured the senses. If I had anything to suggest, it might be to add more sensory data. A very effective one is the sense of smell like Phil smelled gun grease as he entered the store sight taste what is heard and what is felt is also very good sensory data. Keep writing keep writing keep writing!
Blessings,
Brother Badger cull
Darren
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Maria Millsaps
The walking dead. I remember those movies, I couldn't sit through them without screaming. Your story has a good plot and seems to be flowing well. Your character (Phil) could be better developed, and you can add dimension to your story with more written visuals. Describe more what the writer is seeing and feeling as opposed to doing.
Scary.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2019
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The walking dead. I remember those movies, I couldn't sit through them without screaming. Your story has a good plot and seems to be flowing well. Your character (Phil) could be better developed, and you can add dimension to your story with more written visuals. Describe more what the writer is seeing and feeling as opposed to doing.
Scary.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Cheryl I
This was quite an exciting zombie story. I never saw The Walking Dead, but I know it is very popular. One suggestion: the second-to-last paragraph reads, "they were in a fear of frenzy." I think it would be better, "they were in a frenzy of fear." Very nice job on this story! Cheryl
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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This was quite an exciting zombie story. I never saw The Walking Dead, but I know it is very popular. One suggestion: the second-to-last paragraph reads, "they were in a fear of frenzy." I think it would be better, "they were in a frenzy of fear." Very nice job on this story! Cheryl
Comment Written 28-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I will fix the mistake. I'm happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Tiffanny Brooks
haha - this is a funny and weird story. Where was the artillary store owner? Phil is an odd hero - perfect! I love the image you chose to accompany the story!
Thanks for sharing!
Tiffanny
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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haha - this is a funny and weird story. Where was the artillary store owner? Phil is an odd hero - perfect! I love the image you chose to accompany the story!
Thanks for sharing!
Tiffanny
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story! You're welcome! It is humorous! Thanks, Tiffany! :)
Comment from tfawcus
A chilling scenario when fantasy becomes fact. I imagine that bullets would have little effect on the walking dead. I have always been fascinated by the concept of zombies. I may even have met a few in my time.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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A chilling scenario when fantasy becomes fact. I imagine that bullets would have little effect on the walking dead. I have always been fascinated by the concept of zombies. I may even have met a few in my time.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed my story!
Comment from gudbjorg
This is a very modern topic and it's a fast-moving account that keeps the reader's interest. I gave 4 stars because there are several lapses of grammar eg. 'Here nobody saw something surreal like it before.' and '
fear of frenzy.' A good proofreading would improve the text considerably and add to the excitement the author builds up through the passage.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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This is a very modern topic and it's a fast-moving account that keeps the reader's interest. I gave 4 stars because there are several lapses of grammar eg. 'Here nobody saw something surreal like it before.' and '
fear of frenzy.' A good proofreading would improve the text considerably and add to the excitement the author builds up through the passage.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Wow -- that moved really fast for the city of Miami to be taken over by Zombies! I think I would have like to have seen a bit more build-up, but great idea... Liked that you started it out just like any other day at the comic book store... ;) :) Thanx for sharing! ;)
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Wow -- that moved really fast for the city of Miami to be taken over by Zombies! I think I would have like to have seen a bit more build-up, but great idea... Liked that you started it out just like any other day at the comic book store... ;) :) Thanx for sharing! ;)
Comment Written 20-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from john mallahan
Sometimes think the world would be better off if we just experienced the zombie apocalypse! Couldn't be any worse than what the white house establishes as reality! Maybe, we just ARE living in an alternative universe!
Hopin you've read your Stephen King for the horror quality!
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Sometimes think the world would be better off if we just experienced the zombie apocalypse! Couldn't be any worse than what the white house establishes as reality! Maybe, we just ARE living in an alternative universe!
Hopin you've read your Stephen King for the horror quality!
Comment Written 20-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy you enjoyed my story! It seems like an alternative universe doesn't it? Perhaps. I like your viewpoint.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is really kind of sloppy for a contest entry. It meets the theme and word count requirements, there's just too much SPAG to make it an enjoyable read. I just listed a few below and stopped worrying with it halfway through:
"Phil had come to a bookstore to purchase a book," - this is a bit redundant as it can be assumed by the location he was there to get a book.
"about to happen, how his" - should be semi-colon after happen since it is followed by another clause.
"Phil couldn't even realized what was happening out of the area." - this sentence makes no sense as written; 'Phil had no idea of what might be going on elsewhere.'
Good luck in the voting and thanks for sharing it.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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This is really kind of sloppy for a contest entry. It meets the theme and word count requirements, there's just too much SPAG to make it an enjoyable read. I just listed a few below and stopped worrying with it halfway through:
"Phil had come to a bookstore to purchase a book," - this is a bit redundant as it can be assumed by the location he was there to get a book.
"about to happen, how his" - should be semi-colon after happen since it is followed by another clause.
"Phil couldn't even realized what was happening out of the area." - this sentence makes no sense as written; 'Phil had no idea of what might be going on elsewhere.'
Good luck in the voting and thanks for sharing it.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I won third place. I will follow your advise.
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There were only three in the contest and as I recall this got one vote.
Comment from Ricky1024
This is what you considered a war writing prompt entry rich in theme and imagery.
I've actually used that picture before when I was writing a piece about the human mind!
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Dr. Ricci 1024
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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This is what you considered a war writing prompt entry rich in theme and imagery.
I've actually used that picture before when I was writing a piece about the human mind!
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Dr. Ricci 1024
Comment Written 18-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
