The Walking Dead War
Humans fight off the walking dead.29 total reviews
Comment from Cybertron1986
This story lacks a lot of substance. The simplistic, but broken rhythm mimic the grammar that occupies the wonder of children not able grasp grammatical rules. The expression is stale and it feels like you watched a zombie movie before placing your own rendition of a zombie outbreak. I suggest more feel of the genre to avoid regurgitating established stories.
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reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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This story lacks a lot of substance. The simplistic, but broken rhythm mimic the grammar that occupies the wonder of children not able grasp grammatical rules. The expression is stale and it feels like you watched a zombie movie before placing your own rendition of a zombie outbreak. I suggest more feel of the genre to avoid regurgitating established stories.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from BigPoppaJrock
Very good story about a Zombie war, although me personally would have been a bit more interested in descriptions of the weapons and a better idea why Phil was a good choice. Nice flow through the story very well written, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Very good story about a Zombie war, although me personally would have been a bit more interested in descriptions of the weapons and a better idea why Phil was a good choice. Nice flow through the story very well written, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from DragonSkulls
Lol. What a bummer for Miami. Great little story for contest, Raul. The only advice I could give would be: have the book he got ironically have something to do with zombies or something like that. Haha. Plus "He ran to his car. (Space missing) Some..." Best of luck in the contest, R.
DS
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Lol. What a bummer for Miami. Great little story for contest, Raul. The only advice I could give would be: have the book he got ironically have something to do with zombies or something like that. Haha. Plus "He ran to his car. (Space missing) Some..." Best of luck in the contest, R.
DS
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Willie P. Smith
A good war story. I hope nothing like this really happens, we have enough trouble contending with live people. Is this part of a book you are writing
or just for the fanstory contest? Good work.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2019
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A good war story. I hope nothing like this really happens, we have enough trouble contending with live people. Is this part of a book you are writing
or just for the fanstory contest? Good work.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2019
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Thank you! No, it isn't. It is just for the fanstory contest. Thanks for asking, friend. I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Mia Twysted
That is funny. It left me with a giggle. To think Phil is now the leader. He seems so timid at first.
The only problem I have is the overuse of "He." I wonder if there could be other ways of referring to the main character.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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That is funny. It left me with a giggle. To think Phil is now the leader. He seems so timid at first.
The only problem I have is the overuse of "He." I wonder if there could be other ways of referring to the main character.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story! Thanks for the Advice!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
There are some problems with the grammar that need fixing.
e.g. crashing into... or crashing around inside
like before or like it was before
he had seen lots of
Unfortunately these problems detract from the story, making it less powerful.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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There are some problems with the grammar that need fixing.
e.g. crashing into... or crashing around inside
like before or like it was before
he had seen lots of
Unfortunately these problems detract from the story, making it less powerful.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from sralia
Interesting. I really like the story line. I notice a few inconsistencies in past and present tense. I'm always struggling with that. Following the Walking Dead also, I can completely relate with the shock the main character feels.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Interesting. I really like the story line. I notice a few inconsistencies in past and present tense. I'm always struggling with that. Following the Walking Dead also, I can completely relate with the shock the main character feels.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
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No thanks needed! Would love to hear more.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Raul1
I like your story of zombies (the living dead) and how you made it interesting by Phil how he watched lots of episodes of the Walking Dead TV series and knew what to expect of of the brain eaters,
and he was wise to make the bookstore a haven. I likes how you ended that the book store was going to be a military haven for humans.
Gert
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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Hello Raul1
I like your story of zombies (the living dead) and how you made it interesting by Phil how he watched lots of episodes of the Walking Dead TV series and knew what to expect of of the brain eaters,
and he was wise to make the bookstore a haven. I likes how you ended that the book store was going to be a military haven for humans.
Gert
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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Thank you so much! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story! Much appreciated!
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You are welcome Raul1
Gert
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a very action-packed story beginning to end. Your first sentence caught my attention, the story held it to the end. Great use of a writing prompt, nicely done.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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This is a very action-packed story beginning to end. Your first sentence caught my attention, the story held it to the end. Great use of a writing prompt, nicely done.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Susan X Smith
Interesting "take" on the writing prompt requirements, since this is not the conventional type of "war." I enjoyed reading your story, but I would suggest adding some dialogue to spice it up.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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Interesting "take" on the writing prompt requirements, since this is not the conventional type of "war." I enjoyed reading your story, but I would suggest adding some dialogue to spice it up.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
