St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "St. Louis Chapter 10 part 4"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
18 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Nice short little chunk here but not too much to go on in terms of any of the plot strands other than a commentary on their 'relationship'. Good and tight though.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2019
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Nice short little chunk here but not too much to go on in terms of any of the plot strands other than a commentary on their 'relationship'. Good and tight though.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2019
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Thank you for reading without any money attached.
Comment from Janetsue
The title of this posting caught my attention because I used to live in St. Louis. The lines offer a good-build up of a relationship emitting some fireworks, and that holds the reader's interest.
Some minor points:
McKenzie placed the last plate on the table. "Deal." She glanced at her ringing phone and stepped into the kitchen. (If she was carrying and placing plates, where was the phone situated? It had to be some place where she could easily look at it while it was ringing.)
He placed large slices of meat on Mckenzie's plate and said, "True. Logan, help yourself to some potato salad and pass it around. You're up next." (Why not say 'brisket' instead of 'meat'--this would increase the sensory input for the reader because 'meat' is too ambiguous a word--even though there is a picture.)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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The title of this posting caught my attention because I used to live in St. Louis. The lines offer a good-build up of a relationship emitting some fireworks, and that holds the reader's interest.
Some minor points:
McKenzie placed the last plate on the table. "Deal." She glanced at her ringing phone and stepped into the kitchen. (If she was carrying and placing plates, where was the phone situated? It had to be some place where she could easily look at it while it was ringing.)
He placed large slices of meat on Mckenzie's plate and said, "True. Logan, help yourself to some potato salad and pass it around. You're up next." (Why not say 'brisket' instead of 'meat'--this would increase the sensory input for the reader because 'meat' is too ambiguous a word--even though there is a picture.)
Comment Written 14-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Because of my use of brisket, I didn't want to be redunit. Ihad already used it. Also, it was at last plate, so there was nothing left in her hand. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're very welcome!
Comment from judiverse
Looks like Mac won't be in on Mitch's assignment. Or will she? She's very determined. Wonder what she's up to with Jose, and what he wants her to check out. In the sentence, "Bill sat. Deal." I wondered if you were actually referring to Logan. The matter of the missing cell phone could be significant. Megan would surely have had hers with her. Mac protests too much about not being in a relationship with Logan! Great chapter, and I'm sorry I'm fresh out of sixes. They go quickly. Anyway, this was definitely worth a six. judi
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
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Looks like Mac won't be in on Mitch's assignment. Or will she? She's very determined. Wonder what she's up to with Jose, and what he wants her to check out. In the sentence, "Bill sat. Deal." I wondered if you were actually referring to Logan. The matter of the missing cell phone could be significant. Megan would surely have had hers with her. Mac protests too much about not being in a relationship with Logan! Great chapter, and I'm sorry I'm fresh out of sixes. They go quickly. Anyway, this was definitely worth a six. judi
Comment Written 14-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I was worried about you. You usually review me earlier. Sixes, not a problem.
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You're very welcome. I've been having terrible hip pain, so haven't felt up to doing much reviewing or writing. judi
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Excellent continuation. I've always liked the dialogue between your characters. It's never forced or awkward and definitely adds to the flow as it pushes the story forward . The images and descriptions you create add to the scenes. One observation:
(You guys, it doesn't mean) he can take over my life Sounds a tad awkward . . .maybe It doesn't mean you guys can take over my life.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Good morning, Barbara
Excellent continuation. I've always liked the dialogue between your characters. It's never forced or awkward and definitely adds to the flow as it pushes the story forward . The images and descriptions you create add to the scenes. One observation:
(You guys, it doesn't mean) he can take over my life Sounds a tad awkward . . .maybe It doesn't mean you guys can take over my life.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 13-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I will make that correction. I appreciate the help.
Comment from the13thpoet
A happy Monday to you Barbara. I enjoyed this latest chapter of the story. It is moving along quite nicely. The characters and dialogue are dynamic and engaging, can't wait to see what happens next. Good job! Keep it coming!
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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A happy Monday to you Barbara. I enjoyed this latest chapter of the story. It is moving along quite nicely. The characters and dialogue are dynamic and engaging, can't wait to see what happens next. Good job! Keep it coming!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from susand3022
Hahaha, I love that last line... me thinks she doth protest a little too much too... giggle, giggle...
Megan's cell phone eh? It will be there of course, but why??? Why on Earth would she leave it behind? Unless she didn't... (smh) ...
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Hahaha, I love that last line... me thinks she doth protest a little too much too... giggle, giggle...
Megan's cell phone eh? It will be there of course, but why??? Why on Earth would she leave it behind? Unless she didn't... (smh) ...
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I doubt if she did leave it behind.
Comment from tfawcus
This chapter gently moves the relationship between Logan and Mac to a new level. I found the dinner table dialogue convincing and authentic.
You now have me curious about what they might find in Megan's apartment.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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This chapter gently moves the relationship between Logan and Mac to a new level. I found the dinner table dialogue convincing and authentic.
You now have me curious about what they might find in Megan's apartment.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh, yes, she doth protest too loud! LOL, Logan is right. But, he doesn't help matters, either. Now, where is that phone, it must have something on it that the murderer didn't want to be seen. Perhaps it will also explain why she was murdered. I wonder how Logan will feel when the reason and the murderer is found. Logan seems more concerned with Mac and her problem at the moment, which isn't wrong, the living need to be protected, the dead are beyond it. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Oh, yes, she doth protest too loud! LOL, Logan is right. But, he doesn't help matters, either. Now, where is that phone, it must have something on it that the murderer didn't want to be seen. Perhaps it will also explain why she was murdered. I wonder how Logan will feel when the reason and the murderer is found. Logan seems more concerned with Mac and her problem at the moment, which isn't wrong, the living need to be protected, the dead are beyond it. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I appreciate the insight.
Comment from Sylvia Page
Hello Barbara,
This chapter takes the story along in a nice engaging manner that I found was easy reading. Mackenzie looks to Logan for help and he gives her the right answer. So, there is an inkling of a relationship build-up even though they have met for just a few days. Good imagery emerged from this.
Best
Sylvia
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Hello Barbara,
This chapter takes the story along in a nice engaging manner that I found was easy reading. Mackenzie looks to Logan for help and he gives her the right answer. So, there is an inkling of a relationship build-up even though they have met for just a few days. Good imagery emerged from this.
Best
Sylvia
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Tootsie55
Always love your writing. Once again an excellent chapter. Keep up the good work and I hope should we be outta here before this is finished you will share offsite with us thanks.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Always love your writing. Once again an excellent chapter. Keep up the good work and I hope should we be outta here before this is finished you will share offsite with us thanks.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
