The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 78 "Up, Up and Away"A Novel
24 total reviews
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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 A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 07-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks for that. Appreciated. Tony
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Listing your cast of characters is very helpful. In a series I am reading I have to make my own list and diagram who is connected with whom and what the nature of the relationship is. So this is very convenient for the reader. One of my favorite lines which creates the foreshadowing, curiosity, being hooked in is the line: "It was a decision I would live to regret." You recreate the dialect and culture well. You create just enough suspense even near the end. Well written. I am voting for this one.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Listing your cast of characters is very helpful. In a series I am reading I have to make my own list and diagram who is connected with whom and what the nature of the relationship is. So this is very convenient for the reader. One of my favorite lines which creates the foreshadowing, curiosity, being hooked in is the line: "It was a decision I would live to regret." You recreate the dialect and culture well. You create just enough suspense even near the end. Well written. I am voting for this one.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Thanks for your comments, Liz. The cast of characters has grown rather larger than I anticipated at first. Hard to keep track of them all at times. Thanks for your encouraging comments. Appreciated. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Alex Rosel
I like you narrative style. It makes for an easy read. However, I accept I may miss on some nuances since there's a lot of your previous excerpts I haven't read.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
A very general point: This uses the first-person narrator. Yet the narrator disappears into the bedroom, and the narrative goes on to describe actions happening in the other room. This is a major disjoint. To maintain veracity, I think the narrative needs to explicitly state something like "through the bedroom door I watched as Madeleine handed Helen a basket."
She came in with Serafina rubbing against her pink slippers. -- This is a very picky point. I have a cat, and he doesn't rub against my feet or shoes. He will brush up against my calf. I'm assuming all cats are the same, so rubbing against slippers doesn't fit for me.
Helen kissed her on both cheeks, taking care to avoid her rollers -- I like the imagery here. It adds to Madeleine and Helen's characterizations {smiles}.
She settled, purring as she sunk her claws in and out of my leg. -- As a cat person, I find this awkward. If this was mine, I'd use the strong verb "kneading" to describe the cat's behavior.
The last remnants of a hellish inferno were being extinguished by the rising gloom. -- This threw me. I assume the "hellish inferno" is referencing something from an earlier chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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I like you narrative style. It makes for an easy read. However, I accept I may miss on some nuances since there's a lot of your previous excerpts I haven't read.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
A very general point: This uses the first-person narrator. Yet the narrator disappears into the bedroom, and the narrative goes on to describe actions happening in the other room. This is a major disjoint. To maintain veracity, I think the narrative needs to explicitly state something like "through the bedroom door I watched as Madeleine handed Helen a basket."
She came in with Serafina rubbing against her pink slippers. -- This is a very picky point. I have a cat, and he doesn't rub against my feet or shoes. He will brush up against my calf. I'm assuming all cats are the same, so rubbing against slippers doesn't fit for me.
Helen kissed her on both cheeks, taking care to avoid her rollers -- I like the imagery here. It adds to Madeleine and Helen's characterizations {smiles}.
She settled, purring as she sunk her claws in and out of my leg. -- As a cat person, I find this awkward. If this was mine, I'd use the strong verb "kneading" to describe the cat's behavior.
The last remnants of a hellish inferno were being extinguished by the rising gloom. -- This threw me. I assume the "hellish inferno" is referencing something from an earlier chapter.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Thanks very much, Alex. I appreciate your useful suggestions about cat behaviour and have made a few adjustments. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good chapter, Tony, that begins on
a lighter note with the arrival of Helen's
landlady, and the banter among them.
-Things are going well for now.
-I guess Charles surprised Helen
with his announcement of leaving
a few things in her apartment!
-Charles keeps his part of the bargain of
keeping the painting safe for Alain
despite his despicable treatment of him.
-You end the chapter well with
some decisions that foreshadow things
not necessarily being a good idea-
like Charles keeping the passport
and Helen's meeting with Jeanne.
-Now we wait to see what Bamforth
has to add to the crowded agenda
of mystery and intrigue!
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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-A good chapter, Tony, that begins on
a lighter note with the arrival of Helen's
landlady, and the banter among them.
-Things are going well for now.
-I guess Charles surprised Helen
with his announcement of leaving
a few things in her apartment!
-Charles keeps his part of the bargain of
keeping the painting safe for Alain
despite his despicable treatment of him.
-You end the chapter well with
some decisions that foreshadow things
not necessarily being a good idea-
like Charles keeping the passport
and Helen's meeting with Jeanne.
-Now we wait to see what Bamforth
has to add to the crowded agenda
of mystery and intrigue!
Comment Written 14-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Many thanks for your review of Up, Up and Away and the six-star accolade. Most appreciated. The story is winging its way towards a climax that may surprise everyone - me included! LOL
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You are very welcome and deserving, Tony. You may have to use this same title LOL!
Comment from Pearl Edwards
the wicker basket of hot croissants sounds enticing, just when I'm having my afternoon coffee.
planned to meet with Jeanne, to make arrangements that would have unimaginable consequences for us both - these sound very ominous for the travellers. as does the passports -It was a decision I would live to regret. Dramatic detail in this chapter Tony, loved it.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
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the wicker basket of hot croissants sounds enticing, just when I'm having my afternoon coffee.
planned to meet with Jeanne, to make arrangements that would have unimaginable consequences for us both - these sound very ominous for the travellers. as does the passports -It was a decision I would live to regret. Dramatic detail in this chapter Tony, loved it.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 14-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
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Many thanks for your review and sixth star. Glad you found the foreshadowing of future events effective. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from lyenochka
Oh that Mme Durand and that Bamford - no good can come from them. You have skillfully set up the scene for some scary or unpleasant events to come. I do like your Mme Bisset - she's lots of fun and I enjoyed your banter about Helen's feline behavior compared with Serafina.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Oh that Mme Durand and that Bamford - no good can come from them. You have skillfully set up the scene for some scary or unpleasant events to come. I do like your Mme Bisset - she's lots of fun and I enjoyed your banter about Helen's feline behavior compared with Serafina.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Very many thanks, Helen. I appreciate your comments. It's been entertaining developing the character of Mme Bisset. Glad you're enjoying the result. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Mastery
Hi Tony. This is yet another well written chapter. I especially enjoy the scenes when Madame is in the room for some reason. LOL
Great images throughout, like this for instance:
"I emerged from the bedroom, buttoning my shirt and tucking it into my trousers as I drew up a chair beside her. Serafina leapt across, landing in my lap. She settled, purring as she sunk her claws in and out of my leg." (I can see all of this.)
So, Bamforth is back. Hmmm. : ) Bob
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Hi Tony. This is yet another well written chapter. I especially enjoy the scenes when Madame is in the room for some reason. LOL
Great images throughout, like this for instance:
"I emerged from the bedroom, buttoning my shirt and tucking it into my trousers as I drew up a chair beside her. Serafina leapt across, landing in my lap. She settled, purring as she sunk her claws in and out of my leg." (I can see all of this.)
So, Bamforth is back. Hmmm. : ) Bob
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Very many thanks, Bob. I appreciate your comments. It's been entertaining developing the character of Mme Bisset. Glad you're enjoying the result. All good wishes, Tony
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Keep up the good writing. : ) Bob
Comment from royowen
I look forward to these regrets that Charles speaks of, this sounds like a real writing adventure for you Tony. I wonder if Helen and Charles really will get it on permanently, Helen sounds a little like harnessing the west wind. Well done, great episode, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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I look forward to these regrets that Charles speaks of, this sounds like a real writing adventure for you Tony. I wonder if Helen and Charles really will get it on permanently, Helen sounds a little like harnessing the west wind. Well done, great episode, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Very many thanks, Roy. I appreciate your comments. As you say, it has been a bit of a writing adventure developing this story. Glad you're enjoying the results. All good wishes, Tony
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Well done
Comment from estory
I thought this was a lively chapter, with that sexual innuendo between Charles and Helen and the landlady, and the cat jumping around his lap was a great symbol of the charged atmosphere. I liked all the forshadowing too; the hint about the trouble over the passport, and the fiery sky at the airport. Trouble seems to be brewing. The chapter wound up really well, I thought the tempo was picking up, and you left off with that tap on the shoulder from Bamforth. more trouble. estory
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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I thought this was a lively chapter, with that sexual innuendo between Charles and Helen and the landlady, and the cat jumping around his lap was a great symbol of the charged atmosphere. I liked all the forshadowing too; the hint about the trouble over the passport, and the fiery sky at the airport. Trouble seems to be brewing. The chapter wound up really well, I thought the tempo was picking up, and you left off with that tap on the shoulder from Bamforth. more trouble. estory
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Thanks for your supportive review of this chapter and comments about the sexual innuendo and the foreshadowing of future events..
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written chapter. Everything is organized for the flight and a last drink before boarding the airplane sounds like a good idea seeing there is no alcohol served on the flight.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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A very well-written chapter. Everything is organized for the flight and a last drink before boarding the airplane sounds like a good idea seeing there is no alcohol served on the flight.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Very many thanks for your review and supportive comments, Sandra. As always, much appreciated. All good wishes, Tony