Man Or Mouse?
5-7-5 Meet the rat catcher.20 total reviews
Comment from john mallahan
Oh those dang ratcatchers out there! Think some of em should swoop in on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, and see what they could get! Sure it would be plenty...
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Oh those dang ratcatchers out there! Think some of em should swoop in on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, and see what they could get! Sure it would be plenty...
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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As a NZ resident I did not know until your review what the White House address actually is. I think that place deserves the full fumigation treatment, and soon!
Comment from Debra White
Hi LisaMay :)
I enjoyed your 5-7-5.
Fun play on words and well presented. I especially enjoyed the last line - well concluded!
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes as always, Debra :)
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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Hi LisaMay :)
I enjoyed your 5-7-5.
Fun play on words and well presented. I especially enjoyed the last line - well concluded!
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes as always, Debra :)
Comment Written 11-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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Thanks for your review, Debra!
Comment from Mark D. R.
Great overall presentation with your selected illustration and 17 syllables. You may have intentionally used 'eek-ing' for your rat catcher rather than 'eking.' If so maybe you want to use single quotes around it to really clue us in to your intention.
IMHO ... increasing the font size for short verses gets a better 'look' from the FS community. Whether you bold the text or not is your poet's choice.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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Great overall presentation with your selected illustration and 17 syllables. You may have intentionally used 'eek-ing' for your rat catcher rather than 'eking.' If so maybe you want to use single quotes around it to really clue us in to your intention.
IMHO ... increasing the font size for short verses gets a better 'look' from the FS community. Whether you bold the text or not is your poet's choice.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
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Thanks for your review and comments, Mark. I took your advice on increasing the font size, but I'll stick with how eek-ing is written. I already put a hyphen in it to make it apparent. I don't want to hand it to readers on a plate or they'll get lazy, haha.
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Touché !
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Lisa
I liked this one but have to say I did not understand the last line. Presentation is great and I wish you nothing but luck in this contest. There are so many entries and thoughts in this format sometimes, I get lost lol. Again Good luck.
xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Hi Lisa
I liked this one but have to say I did not understand the last line. Presentation is great and I wish you nothing but luck in this contest. There are so many entries and thoughts in this format sometimes, I get lost lol. Again Good luck.
xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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I'm glad you liked it enough for the high rating you gave! I'll explain what I meant by "trapped in dead-end job". For a start, 'trapped' and 'dead' refer to the rat catchers tasks of catching and killing the rats.
Also, a 'dead-end job' is a phrase meaning that job is not one where the employee will rise to any great heights, i.e. there isn't a promotion scale. So if you are trapped in a dead-end job it means you are stuck with it; the job will always be the same. I hope that clarifies it for you? Thanks again for your review.
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you gave me the ah-ha moment. Thanks and good luck.
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Thanks for getting it!
(Are you in NZ... where? I am in Dunedin.)
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Live on the west coast, Greymouth but currently in Christchurch until end of Sept. Love Dunedin!
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I'm an Aussie originally but I love Dunedin... been here 37 years now.
I love the West Coast too, rugged stuff very appealing.
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I've been here for 10 years. Live in states and here.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a well written 5-7-5. Your short piece is illustrated well for topic. I guess it can be considered a "dead-end job." Best of luck in the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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This is a well written 5-7-5. Your short piece is illustrated well for topic. I guess it can be considered a "dead-end job." Best of luck in the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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It certainly is not the sort of job I would ever want! Thanks for your review.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your contest entry, LisaMay. Good job with its style. The picture is a perfect pairing with your well-chosen words. I like the play on words with 'eeking.' Thanks for sharing a fun poem. Best wishes. Jan
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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I enjoyed your contest entry, LisaMay. Good job with its style. The picture is a perfect pairing with your well-chosen words. I like the play on words with 'eeking.' Thanks for sharing a fun poem. Best wishes. Jan
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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...and thank YOU very much for this review.
Comment from dragonpoet
The artwork reminds me of the Pied Piper. I like the pun of eek-ing, for both the sounds the mice and women make and how little he makes as a mouse catcher. Dead is also a groaner.
Good luck in the contest and keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
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The artwork reminds me of the Pied Piper. I like the pun of eek-ing, for both the sounds the mice and women make and how little he makes as a mouse catcher. Dead is also a groaner.
Good luck in the contest and keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
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Oh goody, I'm pleased I made you groan, Joan!! It must be a good pun.
Actually, if he's catching rats in the Middle Ages he may well have been making a fortune as there must have been hundreds if not thousands of them to catch.
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You did.
Yes, he may have been rich. Until someone realized cats could to the same thing and not have to be paid.
Joan
Comment from Gail Denham
Very cute - I like your poem. A twist on the old story - and a good use of these old poems and stories. Personally I want to broaden my writing in just that way.
Nice job.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
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Very cute - I like your poem. A twist on the old story - and a good use of these old poems and stories. Personally I want to broaden my writing in just that way.
Nice job.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
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Thanks for reviewing, Gail. Good luck in broadening your writing... old stories and random phrases are a great way to be triggered into a poem.
Comment from Janetsue
I'd sure cry eek! if I found a rat around my place. Don't know how they caught them in the olden days, but it couldn't have been a job I'd ever want. That's a killer of a pun! LOL
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
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I'd sure cry eek! if I found a rat around my place. Don't know how they caught them in the olden days, but it couldn't have been a job I'd ever want. That's a killer of a pun! LOL
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
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Me too! I actually quite like pet rats, but at a pet shop, not running around the streets or in my house. I sure wouldn't want any type of job where I had to kill something (except a pun perhaps).
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your 5-7-5 is clever and interesting. The artwork is perfect. The last line
is especially clever. Is "eek" a play on words? The word "eke" would be
literally correct here. Not sure about how this works as a play on words. ??
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
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Your 5-7-5 is clever and interesting. The artwork is perfect. The last line
is especially clever. Is "eek" a play on words? The word "eke" would be
literally correct here. Not sure about how this works as a play on words. ??
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2019
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Thanks for your review. Yes, it's a play on words... a pun. As soon as I saw the phrase 'To eke out a living' I thought of mice. Then I came up with the pun in the poem about a rat catcher.