Beneath the Surface (a metaphor)
Trimeric contest entry14 total reviews
Comment from Six-Star Writer
"No walls within are needing fought," is a grammatically-incorrect phrase.
"Then follow every path my mind forgives" makes no sense. Why--and how--would a person follow a path his mind doesn't take?
Cliches:
--evils of mankind
--scar this heart
--beneath the surface
--precious dreams
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2019
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"No walls within are needing fought," is a grammatically-incorrect phrase.
"Then follow every path my mind forgives" makes no sense. Why--and how--would a person follow a path his mind doesn't take?
Cliches:
--evils of mankind
--scar this heart
--beneath the surface
--precious dreams
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2019
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Hahaha. It's 'forgoes' not forgives. Wow, how simple. Thanks for the great review. Hopefully your belly button love entry will get at least one more vote before it's all over. Plus I also hope someone will actually write a comment for your piece that you didn't have to write yourself. Hahahaaaaa.
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Even if nobody writes a review, the poem will still be better than your garbage, and the "forties" consent is still valid. Keep trying; you're bound to write something good someday, evil dragon.
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Hahaha. Evil dragon, that's good. Thanks for the laugh.
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You should change your mame to Evil Dragon . . . or better yet, Delusional Dragon.
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Hahaha. Too funny.
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Yeah, funny is as funny does.
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If you say so. Haha
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I do, Evil Dragon.
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Awwww, you're so cute.
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I am cute.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
So impressed that you made this rhyme as well as following the basic format! I think the first line is a strong beginning one with "s" alliteration with 'surface' and 'solace.' I like the line "No burdens scar this heart when I compose" and is making me wish I could go back to composing songs, too! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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So impressed that you made this rhyme as well as following the basic format! I think the first line is a strong beginning one with "s" alliteration with 'surface' and 'solace.' I like the line "No burdens scar this heart when I compose" and is making me wish I could go back to composing songs, too! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the great review and for creating the contest, Crystie. I had fun with it. I really appreciate the gracious stars and good luck wishes. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Comment from LisaMay
Did you turn into a girl? This is uncharacteristically tame for you!! It is so sweet and soothing and calm and gentle, full of dreaming and drifting and poetic escapism from war and burdens and evils, all those nasty things.
It is rather lovely and I like it. But then, I am a girl and I would say that.
(Coincidentally, I have just written a poem called Start Surface, Go Deep - but it is nasty compared to yours. Maybe I temporarily turned into a boy?)
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Did you turn into a girl? This is uncharacteristically tame for you!! It is so sweet and soothing and calm and gentle, full of dreaming and drifting and poetic escapism from war and burdens and evils, all those nasty things.
It is rather lovely and I like it. But then, I am a girl and I would say that.
(Coincidentally, I have just written a poem called Start Surface, Go Deep - but it is nasty compared to yours. Maybe I temporarily turned into a boy?)
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Lol. Yeah, sometimes I have to turn into a chick so I can try to win a contest once in a while. Haha. Thank you for the great review, Lisa. I'm glad you you liked girly piece. Lol.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Trimmer ice treat poem about our fears that we can hide from others underror the service, behind a smile, or hidden in a little joke we share.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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A very well-written Trimmer ice treat poem about our fears that we can hide from others underror the service, behind a smile, or hidden in a little joke we share.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the gracious review and stars, Sandra. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements beautifully as you deliver a deliciously well constructed Trimeric Treat for the reader's utter enjoyment. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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This meets the contest requirements beautifully as you deliver a deliciously well constructed Trimeric Treat for the reader's utter enjoyment. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the excellent review, Mystic A. I really appreciate the generous stars and good luck wishes. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Comment from Janetsue
I understand the message here, particularly because I remember when I used to skin dive in the Caribbean decades ago and how quiet, peaceful, and beautiful it was beneath the water's surface. I love this posting.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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I understand the message here, particularly because I remember when I used to skin dive in the Caribbean decades ago and how quiet, peaceful, and beautiful it was beneath the water's surface. I love this posting.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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I bet that would be a blast to do. Thank you for the great review and gracious stars, Spangle.
Comment from Gail Denham
Nice job for this challenge - if you can ignore all that's happening around you - and compose - write - think of subjects that need discussion - you're doing a great job.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Nice job for this challenge - if you can ignore all that's happening around you - and compose - write - think of subjects that need discussion - you're doing a great job.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the great review and generous stars, Gail. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Comment from Cindy Warren
It must be nice to be able to stay calm under the surface. That's a skill I need to learn. Letting it go is easier said than done. I think this is a good contender for the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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It must be nice to be able to stay calm under the surface. That's a skill I need to learn. Letting it go is easier said than done. I think this is a good contender for the contest.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the fantastic review and gracious stars, Cindy. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your trimeric is well-written, moving, and thought-provoking. There are those unique times--few and far between for some people--when one is able to block out the noise and distractions of life and really SEE.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Your trimeric is well-written, moving, and thought-provoking. There are those unique times--few and far between for some people--when one is able to block out the noise and distractions of life and really SEE.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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I really appreciate the gracious stars and kind words, Janice. Thank you. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Excellent choice of image, fonts and background colors. All three elements are enhancing and enchanting the beauty of this poem. So beautiful:"Beneath the surface, solace calms my woes.
No wars I hold within are needing fought.
No burdens scar this heart when I compose,
where evils of mankind breach not my thoughts." Good luck with the contest
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Excellent choice of image, fonts and background colors. All three elements are enhancing and enchanting the beauty of this poem. So beautiful:"Beneath the surface, solace calms my woes.
No wars I hold within are needing fought.
No burdens scar this heart when I compose,
where evils of mankind breach not my thoughts." Good luck with the contest
Comment Written 08-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Iza. I dearly appreciate the generous stars and good luck wishes. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a great rest of your weekend.
