To the Least of These
A 75-word Story offering for the contest17 total reviews
Comment from susand3022
You have to wonder sometimes, Yvette, what would be so bad that would make a child run away from home and face something like that. I know that some kids have homes that are so horrible that it's better out there than at home, and that's just wretched. But the others... the ones who think that it's better not to have a curfew or to be able to just do what you want... I feel so sorry for them. They're so stupid.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2019
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You have to wonder sometimes, Yvette, what would be so bad that would make a child run away from home and face something like that. I know that some kids have homes that are so horrible that it's better out there than at home, and that's just wretched. But the others... the ones who think that it's better not to have a curfew or to be able to just do what you want... I feel so sorry for them. They're so stupid.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2019
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Yeah....but then I see how some of these parents just talk down to their children....and then it becomes not such a far leap for a hard-headed teen to walk away and then let pride not let them come home again... :( ;( :( Thanx for the review, Lady S....I'm slowly catching up...it's a perception thing, right?! ;) ;) Have a great weekend! ;) ;) Yvette
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
What an inspiring contest entry, Mystery Author. I enjoyed reading it. The lines/words flow well to tell a sad story until . . . the perfect ending. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Jan
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019
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What an inspiring contest entry, Mystery Author. I enjoyed reading it. The lines/words flow well to tell a sad story until . . . the perfect ending. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Jan
Comment Written 01-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019
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Thank you, Jan, for this wonderful review!!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I enjoyed this write, it is honest and real and you touched my heart with these words, I only have one six left this week and it is going straight into your kind and thoughtful pocket, your words are a joy to read, good luck with the contest, this is a winner for me, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019
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I enjoyed this write, it is honest and real and you touched my heart with these words, I only have one six left this week and it is going straight into your kind and thoughtful pocket, your words are a joy to read, good luck with the contest, this is a winner for me, love Dolly x
Comment Written 01-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019
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I am both honored and humbled by your words, Dolly. Thank you so very much for your wonderful review and those shiny stars!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You might want to recheck the wordage. The competition calls for exactly 75 but I make this coming in at 76. If you're using a word counter, it will count the fact that you haven't left a space following the ellipsis here -at her scarred arms and legs...yeah, - as a single word legs...yeah, but it is two and is pushing your word count over. It is running the risk of disqualification as it is.
"That's okay." Tall woman offered her hand and smiled. - it feels like a word has been dropped out here (The before tall)) to try to make the word count.
The solution to the over-count and this missing word is quite simple though. If you change Tall woman simply to She it solves both issues.
Whilst the story works in this format, it's not particularly original. These kinds of stories are very prevalent, using that exact end line.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019
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Hi there,
You might want to recheck the wordage. The competition calls for exactly 75 but I make this coming in at 76. If you're using a word counter, it will count the fact that you haven't left a space following the ellipsis here -at her scarred arms and legs...yeah, - as a single word legs...yeah, but it is two and is pushing your word count over. It is running the risk of disqualification as it is.
"That's okay." Tall woman offered her hand and smiled. - it feels like a word has been dropped out here (The before tall)) to try to make the word count.
The solution to the over-count and this missing word is quite simple though. If you change Tall woman simply to She it solves both issues.
Whilst the story works in this format, it's not particularly original. These kinds of stories are very prevalent, using that exact end line.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 01-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019
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Thank you.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Your story is well centered has a beginning and a surprising ending. You manage to capture in 75 words the essence of a human life. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019
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Your story is well centered has a beginning and a surprising ending. You manage to capture in 75 words the essence of a human life. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019
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Wow, Iza! This is such a wonderful surprise and I am so very grateful for those beautiful stars! Thank you for stopping by today!
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You are welcome and good luck with the contest, your piece of hard working deserves a prize:)
Comment from Mia Twysted
I like the message this piece puts off. You have to learn to take care of yourself and there is always someone out there who cares for you whether you think so or not, even if you don't want to accept it.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019
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I like the message this piece puts off. You have to learn to take care of yourself and there is always someone out there who cares for you whether you think so or not, even if you don't want to accept it.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019
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Many thanks for your review.
Comment from Sallyo
This works very well. The only thing I'd change (and this is personal) is "tall" because Lexi is startled by the voice meaning she wouldn't yet know if the woman is tall or not. I'd sub an adjective describing the voice.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019
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This works very well. The only thing I'd change (and this is personal) is "tall" because Lexi is startled by the voice meaning she wouldn't yet know if the woman is tall or not. I'd sub an adjective describing the voice.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019
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Thanks so much for your suggestion and the review.
