The Last Visit
A dying old cowboy story.33 total reviews
Comment from Cindy Warren
It sounds to me like he had exactly the life he wanted for many years. Maybe I'm a bit of a romantic when it comes to cowboys, but I like to think he did. In your second last stanza, Docs doesn't need the apostrophe. Doc's means belonging to Doc.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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It sounds to me like he had exactly the life he wanted for many years. Maybe I'm a bit of a romantic when it comes to cowboys, but I like to think he did. In your second last stanza, Docs doesn't need the apostrophe. Doc's means belonging to Doc.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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OOps, you caught my mistake. I know better, My college major was
English literature. Thanks for the review and stars.
Comment from john mallahan
This reminds me way to much of "Brokeback Mountain" Seems as if ya always could be under the impression ya'll are gonna live forever. Then it happens. The occasion we shoulda been ready for all along, yet weren't. The part that gets me is, why weren't we?
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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This reminds me way to much of "Brokeback Mountain" Seems as if ya always could be under the impression ya'll are gonna live forever. Then it happens. The occasion we shoulda been ready for all along, yet weren't. The part that gets me is, why weren't we?
Comment Written 16-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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Thanks for the review and stars. I believe it is because we don't want
to think about death, especially our own.
Comment from Brooklyn J. Frances
I LOVE this poem. There is something so warm and comfortable about the way a cowboy speaks, and you captured it not only in your creative spellings ("ferget" was my favorite) but in unique words such as "ornery" and phrases such as "my song's 'bout sung." You told a touching story and built a loveable character in just a few lines. Thank you for sharing it!
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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I LOVE this poem. There is something so warm and comfortable about the way a cowboy speaks, and you captured it not only in your creative spellings ("ferget" was my favorite) but in unique words such as "ornery" and phrases such as "my song's 'bout sung." You told a touching story and built a loveable character in just a few lines. Thank you for sharing it!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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Thanks, Brooklyn for your nice comments and beautiful six stars.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A wonderful offering, Willie -- just perfect for story in a poem. Love your intertwining of the present and the 'unsure' and the vernacular vs. narration! ;) ;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck in the contest! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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A wonderful offering, Willie -- just perfect for story in a poem. Love your intertwining of the present and the 'unsure' and the vernacular vs. narration! ;) ;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck in the contest! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 16-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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Thanks, Yvette, for your review and stars.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
This is really well done. I'm out of 6's or I'd give it one. A great story of an old cowboy who lived an interesting life, but seems to be dying alone. I'm glad someone was with him when he died. I saw no errors and felt it very well written. Rox
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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This is really well done. I'm out of 6's or I'd give it one. A great story of an old cowboy who lived an interesting life, but seems to be dying alone. I'm glad someone was with him when he died. I saw no errors and felt it very well written. Rox
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Thank you much for this wonderful review and the virtual six.
Comment from JanPerry
Superb! A wonderful slang language we associate with cowboys. I love the hats on the pegs, it really feels like a ranch or corall. Sorry can't spell carall. I love the interactions between the cowboy and the old man. This is a masterpiece and you should show it to everyone, especially those in the corall.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Superb! A wonderful slang language we associate with cowboys. I love the hats on the pegs, it really feels like a ranch or corall. Sorry can't spell carall. I love the interactions between the cowboy and the old man. This is a masterpiece and you should show it to everyone, especially those in the corall.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Thank you, Jan, for your very uplifting comments and beautiful six stars. All are much appreciated. It is spelled corral. Thanks again.
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Ok. I haven't used that word ever, thanks.
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Ok. I haven't used that word ever, thanks.
Comment from Loredana
This has all the features of a ballad and it would be great to hear it sung. Beautiful story. I like the way you made the reader hear the accent. I would have used it in more places. Stanza 6, line 2 it seems too short to continue with the same rhythm as the stanzas above. Also, line 4 of the same stanza. It feels as if it's missing one or two words. It's just my feeling, though.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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This has all the features of a ballad and it would be great to hear it sung. Beautiful story. I like the way you made the reader hear the accent. I would have used it in more places. Stanza 6, line 2 it seems too short to continue with the same rhythm as the stanzas above. Also, line 4 of the same stanza. It feels as if it's missing one or two words. It's just my feeling, though.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Thanks, for your review and kind comments. Thanks also for the six stars.
Comment from Susan Larson
This poem seems to capture the essence of what a real cowboy would think and say even though my only impression of real cowboys is what I have seen in movies. Nice read.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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This poem seems to capture the essence of what a real cowboy would think and say even though my only impression of real cowboys is what I have seen in movies. Nice read.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Susan, thank you for your review and five stars.
Comment from Sally Law
Love this, Mr. Smith. Your cowboy's life story is a bittersweet one but rich and real. I thought it very authentic and I think my favorite line was, "I was married once and once was plenty." I got a bang out of this one. Thank you, and my best for the contest.
Sally :+)
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Love this, Mr. Smith. Your cowboy's life story is a bittersweet one but rich and real. I thought it very authentic and I think my favorite line was, "I was married once and once was plenty." I got a bang out of this one. Thank you, and my best for the contest.
Sally :+)
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Thank you, Sally, for your review and comments. And of course the five stars.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from jenintorre
I love this poem. It is so clever and sensitively written. Your character really comes alive on the page (before he dies) This will surely win the competition. I hope so. Good luck. Jen.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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I love this poem. It is so clever and sensitively written. Your character really comes alive on the page (before he dies) This will surely win the competition. I hope so. Good luck. Jen.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Thank you, for the great review and shiny six stats.
