Indian Ghosts
The Indians try to get their land back7 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is well-written, my friend. I do think the ending is a bit weak. Could you expand on it with how the children convinced the ghosts perhaps--something with a bit more punch would make this more interesting. This could be worked into a much longer piece. I hope you expand on what you have~Debbie
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
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This is well-written, my friend. I do think the ending is a bit weak. Could you expand on it with how the children convinced the ghosts perhaps--something with a bit more punch would make this more interesting. This could be worked into a much longer piece. I hope you expand on what you have~Debbie
Comment Written 27-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Diana L Crawford
I read this last night actually, but was so late, I didn't have time to comment. I love this story! I love to learn about Native American History and feel so for their story. My grandkids are 1/8 Potawatomi Indians from here in northern Indiana. The history is sad yet so interesting. this is very well written also!
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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I read this last night actually, but was so late, I didn't have time to comment. I love this story! I love to learn about Native American History and feel so for their story. My grandkids are 1/8 Potawatomi Indians from here in northern Indiana. The history is sad yet so interesting. this is very well written also!
Comment Written 25-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
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absolutely was my pleasure!
Comment from Alex Rosel
I enjoyed reading this entertaining fantasy flash fiction piece. It's an unusual take on a broad, widely used, ghost trope :)
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
But, most of the neighbors fear that the ghosts will come back for their land, -- If this was mine I'd omit the starting word But. It doesn't seem to fit here. It doesn't introduce an alternative or a contrast to what's stated immediately previously.
Some, don't believe that ghosts exist and it is just only Western and Indian history. -- Personally, I'd omit one of just or only. Both words sort of serve the same purpose, so only one is needed.
They are doing rituals to rid them out of their land. -- I like this premise. It's eerie :)
Some take sympathy for those poor ghosts. -- I like this as well. Empathizing with a ghost or unworldly manifestations is a lesser used trope of the supernatural genre. Personally, I think it should be employed more :)
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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I enjoyed reading this entertaining fantasy flash fiction piece. It's an unusual take on a broad, widely used, ghost trope :)
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
But, most of the neighbors fear that the ghosts will come back for their land, -- If this was mine I'd omit the starting word But. It doesn't seem to fit here. It doesn't introduce an alternative or a contrast to what's stated immediately previously.
Some, don't believe that ghosts exist and it is just only Western and Indian history. -- Personally, I'd omit one of just or only. Both words sort of serve the same purpose, so only one is needed.
They are doing rituals to rid them out of their land. -- I like this premise. It's eerie :)
Some take sympathy for those poor ghosts. -- I like this as well. Empathizing with a ghost or unworldly manifestations is a lesser used trope of the supernatural genre. Personally, I think it should be employed more :)
Comment Written 25-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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Thank you! I will fix the mistakes. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A good idea with an interesting ending.... don't let hollywood get hold of it cuz it would definitely not be so peaceful! ;) A good write, Raul -- thank you for sharing! ;)
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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A good idea with an interesting ending.... don't let hollywood get hold of it cuz it would definitely not be so peaceful! ;) A good write, Raul -- thank you for sharing! ;)
Comment Written 25-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Brenda Henderson
Very nice Indian Ghost story. With the right artwork and adaptation this would make a beautifully charming children's storybook. Engaging narrative associated with colorful historical facts. Expertly crafted. Well done!
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Very nice Indian Ghost story. With the right artwork and adaptation this would make a beautifully charming children's storybook. Engaging narrative associated with colorful historical facts. Expertly crafted. Well done!
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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You're welcome!
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
That is an interesting account of the Indian Ghosts and their efforts to move the residents away from their perceived territories. The ending shows a sense of justice.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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That is an interesting account of the Indian Ghosts and their efforts to move the residents away from their perceived territories. The ending shows a sense of justice.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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You're welcome.
Comment from Cindy Warren
If you watch the ghost stories on TV you see a lot of Native American stories. Some believe they cursed the land before they were driven off. I wouldn't blame them if they did. There are a couple of places where people can't live to this day.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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If you watch the ghost stories on TV you see a lot of Native American stories. Some believe they cursed the land before they were driven off. I wouldn't blame them if they did. There are a couple of places where people can't live to this day.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!