Comment from artisart4u

Exceptional

This is a sentimental story, I assumed the were going to visit the other school. This would be a haunting memory to the children but imagine it had to come to an end some how and with the real estate lady that was the final scene.

It is nicely punctuated.

This is nicely written and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019

Kinda. The teacher and kids are ghosts that died in the bus crash. They haven't passed over to the other side, that's why the real estate lady did not see them. Thanks for your kind review and sparkly stars, cheers.

reply by artisart4u on 28-Jul-2019

I am so sorry, now I understand it. Thanks.

Comment from john mallahan

Excellent

Wow, what a thought! Amazing to me how sometimes the "moving on" can be a process for some! The adoring children. The lovely countryside.
What a nice image!

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019

Thanks for the review, cheers.

Comment from Loredana

Excellent

A classic! I loved the story. Kind of guessed they were all dead when the real estate came in and didn't even acknowledge them. Well written. Easy to follow. The only thing I would change is the final sentence. It takes away from the story. Personally, I would delete it or I would make as if they repeated the same thing every day. Just an idea.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019

Good call. I also thought to omit that final line, but wanted to be sure the readers got it. Haha. Many do not read to the end of my poems, I know, because I often have a twist. So they say, "oh John is so lucky...not realizing that poor John has died by the end, sigh. Thanks for your thoughtful advice, and reading to the end. I appreciate, cheers.

Comment from Patty Palmer

Excellent

I thought this was a sweet story. It didn't make sense until the realestate lady started talking on the phone about the accident. This was a nice story. Good luck with the contest!

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019

Thanks for the review. Every day I walk past an old schoolhouse in Vermont and thought about this story, cheers.

reply by Patty Palmer on 27-Jul-2019

You're welcome! Such a sad story though.

Comment from nor84

Good

I wanted to give you a heads up. Please refer to the contest announcement as there is a 700 word minimum. When I ran this through Microsoft Word, it counted only 679 words. You probably have time to edit. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2019

Thanks for the review and heads up. I added the additional words. Cheers.

Comment from the13thpoet

Excellent

Good Monday afternoon, let me start by wishing you good luck in the contest. I enjoyed reading your story, it was well written and created great imagery, thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2019

Thanks for the review. I have started walking early mornings here in Vermont and I pass by a real one room school house. I guess the story started from there. Hope that you are doing well. Peace.

Comment from pome lover

Excellent

wow. good for you. totally unexpected.
good story telling. good visuals - loved the description of the ceiling, and the teacher thinking of the generations of school house-goers. Your writing also made me immediately angry and the woman bursting in without any manners. And then...
Original and well written. good job.
pome lover

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2019

Thanks for the insightfully review. I have begun walking in the morning here in Vermont and I pass by the real one~room school house. I love meeting up with the old timers here and they tell me stories when they were young and attended the school. I think of their old faces on schoolboy bodies, but that's just me. Cheers.

reply by pome lover on 22-Jul-2019

I have never seen an old one room school house except in pictures and movies. Vermont is a lovely place to take a walk. I have been there in the fall.

reply by the author on 22-Jul-2019

I just love them. One big room and a small one for the teacher. The one I walk by every day was bought by a guy from California, so I would visit and appreciate. This guy cut into the beautiful ceiling to make a little sleeping place. Argh. I told him in the winter it would be so hot. I would have made the small room into bedroom then a nice pullout couch for main room. sigh. Cheers

reply by pome lover on 22-Jul-2019

oh, well, you tried! (Hope he gets hot up there. :)