God Omniscient Deeds
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Birth Death and Memorability!"God Omniscient Deeds
102 total reviews
Comment from ElPoetry001
Too obvious to be said.
Never understood when read.
Man envelopes it with his greed.
Seeking power as his ultimate deed.
Love, is the answer.
A seer once said:"Too soon old, too late smart."
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Too obvious to be said.
Never understood when read.
Man envelopes it with his greed.
Seeking power as his ultimate deed.
Love, is the answer.
A seer once said:"Too soon old, too late smart."
Comment Written 04-Apr-2020
Comment from estory
Welcome back to the site. I think you picked the right three words here and the philosophy is pretty strong in describing life. Fate, Time and Deed are indeed what makes up much of what can be described as the stuff of life. We are conceived, we have finite time to live, and we have to make something of ourselves. estory
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Welcome back to the site. I think you picked the right three words here and the philosophy is pretty strong in describing life. Fate, Time and Deed are indeed what makes up much of what can be described as the stuff of life. We are conceived, we have finite time to live, and we have to make something of ourselves. estory
Comment Written 04-Apr-2020
Comment from Mrs. KT
Good Morning, Alcreator Litt Dear,
Your four-line poem begins strong. I was with you until the fourth line when the power of your poem dissipated with the following "a seer said something like this..." That line is nebulous. Who is the seer? What did he say? What were the repercussions?
Thank you for sharing,
diane
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Good Morning, Alcreator Litt Dear,
Your four-line poem begins strong. I was with you until the fourth line when the power of your poem dissipated with the following "a seer said something like this..." That line is nebulous. Who is the seer? What did he say? What were the repercussions?
Thank you for sharing,
diane
Comment Written 04-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Thank u.
Comment from TPAC
A very profound declaration, defining the certainties prevailing the living existence, provocative statements declaring the eternal conditions in which we survive. All stated in my view of this particular given viewpoint.
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A very profound declaration, defining the certainties prevailing the living existence, provocative statements declaring the eternal conditions in which we survive. All stated in my view of this particular given viewpoint.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2020
Comment from Jonbeyond
The immortality of truth is witnessed by the Word ....................................
...............................................
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The immortality of truth is witnessed by the Word ....................................
...............................................
Comment Written 04-Apr-2020
Comment from Reese Turner
Thought provoking. I shall spend this day wondering if I did any deeds worthy of remembering... But, a fine free verse, relevant to real life. Thanks for sharing.
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Thought provoking. I shall spend this day wondering if I did any deeds worthy of remembering... But, a fine free verse, relevant to real life. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2020
Comment from jenintorre
This is a truly thought provoking and profound poem. I really enjoyed reading it. Your words are so true. Great presentation. Best wishes and stay safe. Jen.
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This is a truly thought provoking and profound poem. I really enjoyed reading it. Your words are so true. Great presentation. Best wishes and stay safe. Jen.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2020
Comment from Frank Jauregui
Blessings and thank you for sharing your post. These are four lines of poetry that engender much thought about life and death and everything in between. What else is left? God's judgement of the whole matter.
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Blessings and thank you for sharing your post. These are four lines of poetry that engender much thought about life and death and everything in between. What else is left? God's judgement of the whole matter.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2020
Comment from heavenempress
Splendid kind of poetry. I enjoyed the these true facts of life and the rhyming. Well structured presentation and attractive image. I highly recommend your work to others.
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Splendid kind of poetry. I enjoyed the these true facts of life and the rhyming. Well structured presentation and attractive image. I highly recommend your work to others.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2020
Comment from Selyob
You started out well with a strong thought and followed it with line two, creating a strong theme. I like where you are going.
However, line three seriously breaks from the established rhythm and meter. Line four continues the break from the established rhythm, but takes it to a severe extent. In fact, this poem is very difficult to distinguish from plain prose. For these reasons, this poem needs a serious rewrite.
I understand you are attempting to establish your own style of expression, and I personally respect and appreciate that, but for a work to qualify as "poetry" certain requirements MUST be met... and a consistent rhythm is one of them.
That said, I would truly appreciate seeing the work once you have addressed these issues. I think you are onto something. Your vision is solid, and your voice strong. Two qualities which are sorely needed in poetry.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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You started out well with a strong thought and followed it with line two, creating a strong theme. I like where you are going.
However, line three seriously breaks from the established rhythm and meter. Line four continues the break from the established rhythm, but takes it to a severe extent. In fact, this poem is very difficult to distinguish from plain prose. For these reasons, this poem needs a serious rewrite.
I understand you are attempting to establish your own style of expression, and I personally respect and appreciate that, but for a work to qualify as "poetry" certain requirements MUST be met... and a consistent rhythm is one of them.
That said, I would truly appreciate seeing the work once you have addressed these issues. I think you are onto something. Your vision is solid, and your voice strong. Two qualities which are sorely needed in poetry.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Thank u.
