The Visitation
The light was still on.29 total reviews
Comment from damommy
Great story. I believe in angels, too. I can imagine the father's face when he son met him at the door. These things happen all the time, but credit is not given where it's due.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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Great story. I believe in angels, too. I can imagine the father's face when he son met him at the door. These things happen all the time, but credit is not given where it's due.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much, Yvonne. It is good to know we share a belief and faith in Christ. I appreciate the excellent review and kind words.
Sending you my best today as well,
Sally xo
Comment from Alex Rosel
This is an interesting story. It's a tad unusual for the contest remit, but I think that's most probably to its advantage since it will be noticed easier :)
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
Dr. Sedrick McGrath motored down a poorly lit road near Duncannon Township. -- This is a neat opening. It defines the character, place and time of day :)
his bleary eyes in agreement. -- This doesn't quite work for me. Are they in agreement for the need of petrol, or for the need for coffee? The default is usually the one immediately preceding, as is the case here, but it reads awkwardly to me. Just personal preference.
Hanging his overcoat on a brass hook; he took a seat at the bar. -- I wouldn't use a semi-colon here, I'd use a comma instead. In non-technical writing, the semi-colon can only separate two independent clauses that are sentences in their own right. So the semi-colon isn't appropriate here since Hanging his overcoat on a brass hook isn't a sentence in its own right. I think the word hanging is the problem; it describes what he, Dr. McGrath, is doing. But the word he is positioned the other side of the semi-colon. Thus, the first clause is a sentence fragment.
Good luck with the competition.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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This is an interesting story. It's a tad unusual for the contest remit, but I think that's most probably to its advantage since it will be noticed easier :)
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
Dr. Sedrick McGrath motored down a poorly lit road near Duncannon Township. -- This is a neat opening. It defines the character, place and time of day :)
his bleary eyes in agreement. -- This doesn't quite work for me. Are they in agreement for the need of petrol, or for the need for coffee? The default is usually the one immediately preceding, as is the case here, but it reads awkwardly to me. Just personal preference.
Hanging his overcoat on a brass hook; he took a seat at the bar. -- I wouldn't use a semi-colon here, I'd use a comma instead. In non-technical writing, the semi-colon can only separate two independent clauses that are sentences in their own right. So the semi-colon isn't appropriate here since Hanging his overcoat on a brass hook isn't a sentence in its own right. I think the word hanging is the problem; it describes what he, Dr. McGrath, is doing. But the word he is positioned the other side of the semi-colon. Thus, the first clause is a sentence fragment.
Good luck with the competition.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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Thank you for the excellent review and helpful critiques. I am always glad to hear what my English Teacher has to say, actually, all ten of you. It is good to surround myself with those who are such wonderful writers and don?t mind sharing their wealth. I?ve not been writing very long, a fun hobby that has blossomed in recent months.
Sending you my best today as always, dear Alex.
Sal :+)
Comment from Irish Rain
Such an uplifting story.
All things truly are possible.
I've always thought that angels
dwelled among us.
This has inspired my morning!
Good luck,
Blessings...
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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Such an uplifting story.
All things truly are possible.
I've always thought that angels
dwelled among us.
This has inspired my morning!
Good luck,
Blessings...
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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You star in this, Miss Irish Rain. I wondered if you noticed I gave you top billing. Thank you for the excellent review and kind comments, dear lady. It is always such a blessing to see you and share this wonderful faith with you.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xo
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I saw the 'Irish Rain began to mist'...and I thought 'YES! Of course I did' ha ha...thank you!!!
Comment from lyenochka
Great story! Yes, I also believe that God sends angels to do his work among us. At first I thought the doctor was a kind of Sherlock Holmes.
"how is you son" (your)
In the ending sentence the 'thank you' should be in single quotes.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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Great story! Yes, I also believe that God sends angels to do his work among us. At first I thought the doctor was a kind of Sherlock Holmes.
"how is you son" (your)
In the ending sentence the 'thank you' should be in single quotes.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and kind compliments. I will make the adjustments to the thank you as well. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
Comment from Bill Pinder
Great story about God sending an angel to minister healing in the midst of a dire circumstance. I could use a good angel story in real life. How about you? Thanks for sharing! Bill
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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Great story about God sending an angel to minister healing in the midst of a dire circumstance. I could use a good angel story in real life. How about you? Thanks for sharing! Bill
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for the generous review and six stars, Bill. I am glad you enjoyed my heavenly contest entry. Yes, I can always use God?s intervention in my life and feel His angels around me many times, even daily.
May the blessings of Christ be on you and yours today! Thanks again,
Sally :+)
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
I believe it too! I have heard many stories working for a missionary org. The amazing things God does in other nations. I'm sure here in the US too, but these things are so amazing. In one village the witch doctor was really upset the people were watching the Jesus film, he threw burning coals at the people. They turned into butterflies. People raise from the dead, things you find very hard to believe. But Jesus did it all the time when He walked the earth, so why do we doubt. This is a great story. Love the ending. Hope you do well in the contest. Rox
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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I believe it too! I have heard many stories working for a missionary org. The amazing things God does in other nations. I'm sure here in the US too, but these things are so amazing. In one village the witch doctor was really upset the people were watching the Jesus film, he threw burning coals at the people. They turned into butterflies. People raise from the dead, things you find very hard to believe. But Jesus did it all the time when He walked the earth, so why do we doubt. This is a great story. Love the ending. Hope you do well in the contest. Rox
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for the superb review and insightful comments, dear Rox. It is so wonderful to have fan friend who share this belief and faith with me. It means so much. God and His angels are always at work all over the world!
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xo
Comment from dmt1967
'His vintage Renault was low on petrol and he needed coffee; his bleary eyes in agreement. ' This is very telling, in my opinion. 'The petrol gauge on the dashboard of his vintage Renault showed empty and he needed a wake up coffee.'
This is a good story. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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'His vintage Renault was low on petrol and he needed coffee; his bleary eyes in agreement. ' This is very telling, in my opinion. 'The petrol gauge on the dashboard of his vintage Renault showed empty and he needed a wake up coffee.'
This is a good story. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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You know how cranky and tired an old Renault can be. Thank you so much for the excellent review and kind compliments. It is so appreciated. Sending you my best today as always,
Sally :+)
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is truly a wonderfully inspiring entry for the contest! There are, indeed, angels among us yet they can only intervene of their own volition if a life is threatened before its time. I think, in this case, the family had fervently been asking for help and the angelic presence responded to those ardent pleas. Prayers are always answered, maybe not in the way we may have wanted, but always for the best. I am glad this prayer was answered as requested. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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This is truly a wonderfully inspiring entry for the contest! There are, indeed, angels among us yet they can only intervene of their own volition if a life is threatened before its time. I think, in this case, the family had fervently been asking for help and the angelic presence responded to those ardent pleas. Prayers are always answered, maybe not in the way we may have wanted, but always for the best. I am glad this prayer was answered as requested. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and kind compliments. Your reviews are always so encouraging and I appreciate them and you so much. Sending you my best today as well,
Sal xo
Comment from Lance S. Loria
A very good flash fiction. A positive story with a happy ending. Seems all of mine are filled with conflict. I really enjoyed the read which was quick and flowed effortlessly. No edits or adjustments needed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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A very good flash fiction. A positive story with a happy ending. Seems all of mine are filled with conflict. I really enjoyed the read which was quick and flowed effortlessly. No edits or adjustments needed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and kind comments. I?m so glad you liked my contest entry. Sending you my best today and always, Sally
