Miscellaneous Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "haiku (black hole consumes all)"Poems not in other books
24 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Clever final line, it made me chuckle. Are you concentrating on these small poems now Craig? I find they are much harder to review, but they do make me stop and think.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Clever final line, it made me chuckle. Are you concentrating on these small poems now Craig? I find they are much harder to review, but they do make me stop and think.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Hi Valda. Not intentionally. It's just that lately, when I've found a bit of time and the inclination to sit down and write something, it seems to be the short poem competitions that are scheduled. I think there seem to be a lot more of them lately than a few years back. I like longer forms, and rhyming verse is more natural for me. Hopefully I'll return to that before too long. Thanks for reviewing :) Craig
Comment from Bill Schott
This haiku, Black Hole Consumes All, presented as a 5-7-5, reminds us of the gravitational pull of the imploded star that is so great that even light is held in. 'A void' Tee hee.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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This haiku, Black Hole Consumes All, presented as a 5-7-5, reminds us of the gravitational pull of the imploded star that is so great that even light is held in. 'A void' Tee hee.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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I know... don't give up my day job. Thanks very much, Bill -- appreciated. Craig
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Craig,
Read through this haiku. Enjoyed, though I let my pondering get a little out of control. There are so many iffy rules around the form, I never know which apply to feel confident in assessing them. Depending on the situation though, I figure its a guessing game on what gets prioritized for the rules to be for contest, while only having a minimalized definition to refer to on if they really meant nature or season, or not, and if this is a traditional contest, or not.
Maybe that's why I pondered if the second line could have been:
'crossing its cold horizon'
But is crossing a gerund, or a past participle?? and is crossing cold considered alliteration? and are either allowed in haiku? and if so, would it be enough to generate a season in the lines? And if it's already about nature, does it have to be both nature and a season, or just or?
Are there even seasons in space? and if so, would the black hole not suck all the seasons into itself and never let them go, thus this poem contains all seasons consumed?
Then I started to panic about mentioning anything about those occasional rules I stumble over if they are or aren't every time I try and determine if the poem I'm reading is or isn't a haiku.
Enough overthinking from me though...
The first read through, I missed the play with avoid.... a void. Nicely placed.
In this cosmic haiku, the first two lines set up a strong concrete image of black hole, or at least what I perceive of them, as they are something that don't allow even light to escape, thus hiding its appearance.
A void of image.
An image to avoid.
Pleasing presentation, and playful in that regard. I also like that this cosmic scenerio translates well to an emotional landscape, giving it a secondary proverbish type feel for me.
I've met a few black holes in my day, and they suck the joy right out of you. Something to avoid, in deed.... and yet, something to a void, too... When something is better than nothing, only a void might truly appreciate the company of a black hole.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Hi, Craig,
Read through this haiku. Enjoyed, though I let my pondering get a little out of control. There are so many iffy rules around the form, I never know which apply to feel confident in assessing them. Depending on the situation though, I figure its a guessing game on what gets prioritized for the rules to be for contest, while only having a minimalized definition to refer to on if they really meant nature or season, or not, and if this is a traditional contest, or not.
Maybe that's why I pondered if the second line could have been:
'crossing its cold horizon'
But is crossing a gerund, or a past participle?? and is crossing cold considered alliteration? and are either allowed in haiku? and if so, would it be enough to generate a season in the lines? And if it's already about nature, does it have to be both nature and a season, or just or?
Are there even seasons in space? and if so, would the black hole not suck all the seasons into itself and never let them go, thus this poem contains all seasons consumed?
Then I started to panic about mentioning anything about those occasional rules I stumble over if they are or aren't every time I try and determine if the poem I'm reading is or isn't a haiku.
Enough overthinking from me though...
The first read through, I missed the play with avoid.... a void. Nicely placed.
In this cosmic haiku, the first two lines set up a strong concrete image of black hole, or at least what I perceive of them, as they are something that don't allow even light to escape, thus hiding its appearance.
A void of image.
An image to avoid.
Pleasing presentation, and playful in that regard. I also like that this cosmic scenerio translates well to an emotional landscape, giving it a secondary proverbish type feel for me.
I've met a few black holes in my day, and they suck the joy right out of you. Something to avoid, in deed.... and yet, something to a void, too... When something is better than nothing, only a void might truly appreciate the company of a black hole.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Wonderful comments, Turtle. I think I'm probably more lost than you on what a haiku is meant to be. There are endless arguments about what is, and is not, allowed, although I'm sure I don't need to tell you that. No doubt, entries will be judged by some unseen set of rules, totally ignored in the published conditions. Not that I would have held any hope for this one in the contest. It mildly amused my warped mind, but it's a poor second in my own opinion to the one I meant to enter, but messed up when I posted it. That was the rushing water one. Oh, well, such is life. Most appreciative, as always.
Comment from Sugarray77
Haha, I took this as a pun instead of a Haiku. Love your play on words. This will grab everyone's attention and is a perfect entry for the contest. Good luck.
Melissa
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Haha, I took this as a pun instead of a Haiku. Love your play on words. This will grab everyone's attention and is a perfect entry for the contest. Good luck.
Melissa
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Thanks Melissa :) Nice to hear from you! Cheers, Craig
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have made excellent use of all your syllables in this very descriptive
haiku. To me, beyond describing a scientific phenomenon, it reminds me
of some very controlling people!
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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You have made excellent use of all your syllables in this very descriptive
haiku. To me, beyond describing a scientific phenomenon, it reminds me
of some very controlling people!
Comment Written 03-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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That's a most interesting observation, and I suspect, not without much truth to it. Thanks for the great review. Craig
Comment from BeasPeas
Great job and cleverly worded haiku for the contest. I wish you much luck in it. Image is dynamic and emphasizes the mystique of the black holes. May we never encounter one. Marilyn
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Great job and cleverly worded haiku for the contest. I wish you much luck in it. Image is dynamic and emphasizes the mystique of the black holes. May we never encounter one. Marilyn
Comment Written 03-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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I'll be steering clear of them if at all possible, Marilyn! They are pretty cool things to contemplate, though -- as long as they keep their distance. Many thanks for the good luck wishes and kind words.
Comment from catch22
Hi Craig! Wow, be still my heart. A poem about black holes and the event horizon! Love it. Excellent wordplay in the final line, although I am not sure about a seasonal reference here. Correct me if I'm wrong.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Hi Craig! Wow, be still my heart. A poem about black holes and the event horizon! Love it. Excellent wordplay in the final line, although I am not sure about a seasonal reference here. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Hi Pam,
It seems many people think Haikus must contain a seasonal reference, and quite a few have commented on it. I'm not sure if that is a line being promoted by someone here, but I exercise my democratic right to disagree. It would be interesting to see a source for that notion. I think it is sufficient that they deal with nature. Thanks for the lovely comments. If anyone can appreciate a poem with an astronomical theme, it would be you :) Cheers, Craig
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Hmmmm, see, I learn something new every day. Thanks for the info. Great poem.
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I didn't mean to have a go at you Pam, or be defensive. I'm just interested to know where this idea comes from, as at least three, maybe four, reviewers have mentioned it in response to this poem and the other one I posted on the same day, yet I've never had that comment before.
It make me think maybe someone is running a class putting this idea out there, but I don't know how to find out what classes are currently running. It's no biggie, just curious.
Comment from Mark D. R.
Hi CD!
Very nice illustration to accompany your syllable-restricted Haiku entry.
Your last line is a pip. I can read or interpret it in two ways:
... something to a void, or
... something to avoid
If you considered either, then possibly add an author's note for your contest entry.
Best wishes regardless!
Mark
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Hi CD!
Very nice illustration to accompany your syllable-restricted Haiku entry.
Your last line is a pip. I can read or interpret it in two ways:
... something to a void, or
... something to avoid
If you considered either, then possibly add an author's note for your contest entry.
Best wishes regardless!
Mark
Comment Written 03-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Hi, Mark. Yes, the ambiguity was deliberate. I think you're right - a comment might have been helpful, but It's probably a bit late to add one now. Thanks for the great comments and good wishes :) Craig
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But the contest vote has not yet occurred. It does not change your verse entry.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku about a black hole that can consumes everything that comes close to its horizon never to be seen again surely something to avoid.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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A very well-written haiku about a black hole that can consumes everything that comes close to its horizon never to be seen again surely something to avoid.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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You won't catch me going near one, Sandra. Many thanks for reviewing :) Craig
Comment from Teri7
Craig, This is a very well written haiku poem you have penned for the contest. You used a very good subject - the black hole. and very good descriptive words. That is really good art work you chose to go with your words. Best wishes in the contest. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Craig, This is a very well written haiku poem you have penned for the contest. You used a very good subject - the black hole. and very good descriptive words. That is really good art work you chose to go with your words. Best wishes in the contest. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 03-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Thanks so much for the lovely comments and good wishes, Teri. Much appreciated :) Craig