The Meaning of Independence
Remember9 total reviews
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Congrats on Third Place! :) A wonderful offering, Katharine -- loved your emphasis here as it is one too many young folks seem to forget! ;) ;) I am so very thankful for your joining in the 'Fourth Fun'!! ;) :) Take care and Happy Fourth of July! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Congrats on Third Place! :) A wonderful offering, Katharine -- loved your emphasis here as it is one too many young folks seem to forget! ;) ;) I am so very thankful for your joining in the 'Fourth Fun'!! ;) :) Take care and Happy Fourth of July! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 03-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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thanks, I knew Jan would win so I voted for hers instead of mine. I liked yours, too (and mine) ha - but although I meant every word, I wish I'd written a positive, happy one.
happy 4th to you, too!
Katharine
Comment from Darlene Franklin
I especially like this poem for celebrating what freedom means in 21st century America while including our past (a government of, by and for the people). May freedom ever wave, and happy Fourth of July!
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
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I especially like this poem for celebrating what freedom means in 21st century America while including our past (a government of, by and for the people). May freedom ever wave, and happy Fourth of July!
Comment Written 02-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
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thank you so much. I appreciate that.
pome lover
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You're welcome.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Nice reminder of the tenets behind this important day. (What? It's not about a day off from work and eating hot dogs and watching fireworks after the sun goes down?)
Very cool artwork, too, to bring it all together.
Well done entry, Mystery Poet. Good luck to you in the contest. xo
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2019
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Nice reminder of the tenets behind this important day. (What? It's not about a day off from work and eating hot dogs and watching fireworks after the sun goes down?)
Very cool artwork, too, to bring it all together.
Well done entry, Mystery Poet. Good luck to you in the contest. xo
Comment Written 01-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2019
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thanks, I appreciate your comments and good wishes - however I just listened to an entry with Lee Greenwood singing I'm Proud to be an American and I think it will win, hands down. Gave me goose bumps!
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Yes, that's a great song.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This poem tells and defines independence and government and why Americans celebrate Independence Day; enjoyed the read, well said, well done. Write-Inspire-Change --DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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This poem tells and defines independence and government and why Americans celebrate Independence Day; enjoyed the read, well said, well done. Write-Inspire-Change --DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 30-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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thank you
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thank you so much
Comment from LisaMay
Your stacked 5-7-5 is wonderful. The graphic is a very good composite image depicting the strengths of USA in images, and your lines themselves speak volumes about how a government can lose sight of the real reason they are put in position to run the country on behalf of the citizens and residents. Well done.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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Your stacked 5-7-5 is wonderful. The graphic is a very good composite image depicting the strengths of USA in images, and your lines themselves speak volumes about how a government can lose sight of the real reason they are put in position to run the country on behalf of the citizens and residents. Well done.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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thank you so much. I appreciate your insightful review.(re: gov't., not me) :)
Comment from Sheridan1
You have used language with which the citizenry is familiar and in such a way that we double take and think more deeply about our relationship with government, no matter where we live.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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You have used language with which the citizenry is familiar and in such a way that we double take and think more deeply about our relationship with government, no matter where we live.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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may I ask what I need to improve to rate a 5, if you don't mind?
Because I do appreciate your review and was so pleased over your "double-take."
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Very personal reaction here so take with a grain of salt. Think of beginning softly and ending with might.
The first stanza -the word 'should' is often off putting because we hear it so much in childhood. The tone is parental which you are asking the Government not to be. A sardonic tone could be "might" an inquisitive tone might be 'could'. or.....
The last stanza could be stronger - I suggest the last line be powerful with what you want rather than what you don't want (because right now it drifts a bit, like someone lowering their voice at a time it should be ringing out.) So switching the intent of the first line for the last might work?
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what I'd really like to do is start completely over and be upbeat and proud. Wish I could. You're completely right, it's lousy. ugh
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no, after reading it again, I meant exactly what I said, however I wish I had written a positive, uplifting poem of thanks for this country of ours.
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In no way did I think it was lousy.
Comment from lyenochka
Great suite of 5-7-5 poems fully supporting our Independence Day celebrations! Best wishes in the contest and hope you celebrate well. I'm especially thankful for our freedom to worship God here.
"It's purpose, to serve" (Its) for the possessive form.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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Great suite of 5-7-5 poems fully supporting our Independence Day celebrations! Best wishes in the contest and hope you celebrate well. I'm especially thankful for our freedom to worship God here.
"It's purpose, to serve" (Its) for the possessive form.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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oops. thanks!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written stacked 5-7-5 poem about independence day and to remind Americans what they are celebrating for freedom and that the constitution should ensure that government must work for the peoplea and not control the people.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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A very well-written stacked 5-7-5 poem about independence day and to remind Americans what they are celebrating for freedom and that the constitution should ensure that government must work for the peoplea and not control the people.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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thanks!
yes, indeed, that is the message.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements splendidly with a solid theme of Independence Day running throughout and the correct line and syllable count for each stanza. You did a great job expressing the significance of the day rather than just the elements of celebration. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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This meets the contest requirements splendidly with a solid theme of Independence Day running throughout and the correct line and syllable count for each stanza. You did a great job expressing the significance of the day rather than just the elements of celebration. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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and thank YOU for your great review and good luck. much appreciated.
