St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "St. Louis Chapter 7 part 2"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
19 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Another good continuation, Barbara,
Things are moving well now in Logan's sister's case.
A few things I spotted as I read through-
About fifteen minutes later, Logan walked to McKenzie's holding two cups of coffee.- feels like a word is missing here. Maybe table after her name?
"Even though, I've already had plenty, I could still use another cup. - I don't think you need the comma after though.
McKenzie watched him sit in the car. I wouldn't like the one-night-stands, myself, and it's just downhill from there. She studied him for a few moments. It'll be easier for him to listen to it alone. I doubt any brother wants to hear his sister likes experimenting with rough sex, multiple partners or with different sexes. I bet he never thought of himself as a perfectionist. McKenzie took a sip of coffee and grinned. He'll probably enjoy that title, but not the overprotective part. I'll tell him about Eleanor later. She watched through the window and noticed him hit the steering wheel. "Not good."
- here you use normal font for some of the direct thought and italics for other parts of it. usually find it better to use one form for it.
"I thought I might help. It's that or something microwaveable. You're choice." - Your choice.
Want me to go on, or do you have the general idea." - should probably have a question mark here.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2019
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Another good continuation, Barbara,
Things are moving well now in Logan's sister's case.
A few things I spotted as I read through-
About fifteen minutes later, Logan walked to McKenzie's holding two cups of coffee.- feels like a word is missing here. Maybe table after her name?
"Even though, I've already had plenty, I could still use another cup. - I don't think you need the comma after though.
McKenzie watched him sit in the car. I wouldn't like the one-night-stands, myself, and it's just downhill from there. She studied him for a few moments. It'll be easier for him to listen to it alone. I doubt any brother wants to hear his sister likes experimenting with rough sex, multiple partners or with different sexes. I bet he never thought of himself as a perfectionist. McKenzie took a sip of coffee and grinned. He'll probably enjoy that title, but not the overprotective part. I'll tell him about Eleanor later. She watched through the window and noticed him hit the steering wheel. "Not good."
- here you use normal font for some of the direct thought and italics for other parts of it. usually find it better to use one form for it.
"I thought I might help. It's that or something microwaveable. You're choice." - Your choice.
Want me to go on, or do you have the general idea." - should probably have a question mark here.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2019
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Thank you. I'll work on the thought italics. I thought all thought needed to be italics. I will try to figure which ones should and shouldn't be for easier reading.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
It was the perfect length, Barbara, mine were always long and I don't remember you complaining about them!!!! Let's have more long ones from you. :)) This was really superbly written, my friend, the details we just enough to give Mac something to work on, but not too much that she could say who did the murder. Poor Logan, brothers tend to be protective of their sisters. Another excellent part! :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2019
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It was the perfect length, Barbara, mine were always long and I don't remember you complaining about them!!!! Let's have more long ones from you. :)) This was really superbly written, my friend, the details we just enough to give Mac something to work on, but not too much that she could say who did the murder. Poor Logan, brothers tend to be protective of their sisters. Another excellent part! :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 29-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2019
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Yes, Logan is struggling with the news about Megan. Thank you for reading.
Comment from Karen Luciana
HI Barbara,
This chapter is very well-written, especially because you make the conversation between Logan and McKenzie flow with ease. I always find dialogue difficult to write. I want to read more to find out about Megan. Great job and good luck!
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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HI Barbara,
This chapter is very well-written, especially because you make the conversation between Logan and McKenzie flow with ease. I always find dialogue difficult to write. I want to read more to find out about Megan. Great job and good luck!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ben Colder
Tough news to listen to. One can only imigine the results of this story and where it is going. You characters drink as much coffee as mind does. LOL. Best to you Barb.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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Tough news to listen to. One can only imigine the results of this story and where it is going. You characters drink as much coffee as mind does. LOL. Best to you Barb.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. Coffee is easy to write in. LOL
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LOL
Comment from TheStoryMan
This was a very good chapter. Megan seemed to have been living rather recklessly. That had to be quite a shock to Logan. Mac needs to be careful in case someone is after her.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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This was a very good chapter. Megan seemed to have been living rather recklessly. That had to be quite a shock to Logan. Mac needs to be careful in case someone is after her.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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Mac does need to be careful, but who is after her? LOL Thank you for the kind review
Comment from tfawcus
Hardly noticed the extra length with all that snappy dialogue. Another fast-paced chapter with some good characterisation. Logan's reaction to the news of his sister's goings-on is finely tuned and believable. Nice bit of intrigue with the stranger blocking McKenzie's path, with just a suggestion that it might not have been a chance encounter.
Another good chapter.
No spags.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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Hardly noticed the extra length with all that snappy dialogue. Another fast-paced chapter with some good characterisation. Logan's reaction to the news of his sister's goings-on is finely tuned and believable. Nice bit of intrigue with the stranger blocking McKenzie's path, with just a suggestion that it might not have been a chance encounter.
Another good chapter.
No spags.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from light
This is getting interesting. Now she knows what Logan is looking for in a mate. Im sure she is really a little relieved when he is there to rescue her even though she is certain she can defend herself. Good chapter.
Elaine
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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This is getting interesting. Now she knows what Logan is looking for in a mate. Im sure she is really a little relieved when he is there to rescue her even though she is certain she can defend herself. Good chapter.
Elaine
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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I think she's glad he's there. It will get worse. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is a good length for a post in a book, I think. You would not want it shorter than 1000 words, or more than 1800. That's just my opinion, of course.
Logan seems really upset at the news about his baby sister. She was a real slut. No big brother wants to hear that!
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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This is a good length for a post in a book, I think. You would not want it shorter than 1000 words, or more than 1800. That's just my opinion, of course.
Logan seems really upset at the news about his baby sister. She was a real slut. No big brother wants to hear that!
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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No, he definitely didn't want to hear it or believe it. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barb,
Looked good to me. I'm awfully curious about why they're discussing long-term mates. I missed the lead-in to that. That definitely shows potential on their own relationship... hmmm.. Thanks!
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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Barb,
Looked good to me. I'm awfully curious about why they're discussing long-term mates. I missed the lead-in to that. That definitely shows potential on their own relationship... hmmm.. Thanks!
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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It got started through a strange conversation and one thing led to another. I think they both wanted it to go there. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Tootsie55
Just remembered to come on over here and do a review on this side. Well done. Good reading as per normal for you. I pointed out one little spag before so leave you alone this time. Keep 'em coming.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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Just remembered to come on over here and do a review on this side. Well done. Good reading as per normal for you. I pointed out one little spag before so leave you alone this time. Keep 'em coming.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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LOL If I messed up anywhere, please keep yelling me. It's why I post. Thank you for the kind review.
