Best Birthday Barbecue EVER
Anna throws me a barbecue with A-list guests50 total reviews
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello mystery writer: I really like your guest selection. That was very creative and it was well done in the narrative and also the dialogue with the invitees. I think it was very clever to invite the function did because the invitation was based on you selecting people you wanted to be with and you held in high esteem all your life. You did a very good job. -Robert-
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Hello mystery writer: I really like your guest selection. That was very creative and it was well done in the narrative and also the dialogue with the invitees. I think it was very clever to invite the function did because the invitation was based on you selecting people you wanted to be with and you held in high esteem all your life. You did a very good job. -Robert-
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Thank you very much Robert. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
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you're welcome.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Wow! This was such an extremely fun foray into a perfect fantasy birthday party. I loved the way it was well-known people, but then the best-and-last guest to arrive was the birthday boy's grandfather. That one brought an immediate lump to my throat. Terrific entry, Mystery writer. I am sure this will do well! xo
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Wow! This was such an extremely fun foray into a perfect fantasy birthday party. I loved the way it was well-known people, but then the best-and-last guest to arrive was the birthday boy's grandfather. That one brought an immediate lump to my throat. Terrific entry, Mystery writer. I am sure this will do well! xo
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Thank you very much Rachelle. you taking the time to read and review my work. I appreciate
Comment from fm wright
Not knowing your grandpa, but I wouldn't mind breaking bread with these guests as well. The ending was a great surprise, as I couldn't have even made a guess. I really enjoyed the reading and I could see putting my grandpa in as that fourth person. It flowed well and I wish you the very best with this entry! If I had six stars left I would have given them.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Not knowing your grandpa, but I wouldn't mind breaking bread with these guests as well. The ending was a great surprise, as I couldn't have even made a guess. I really enjoyed the reading and I could see putting my grandpa in as that fourth person. It flowed well and I wish you the very best with this entry! If I had six stars left I would have given them.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Thank you very much, this was a fun write. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
You handle the selection of the four invitees nicely and the backstory fill is entertaining and fun. My only concern is that one of the chief criteria for the contest is "why" you chose to invite them and after reading this three times I am not sure just how well that comes across. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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You handle the selection of the four invitees nicely and the backstory fill is entertaining and fun. My only concern is that one of the chief criteria for the contest is "why" you chose to invite them and after reading this three times I am not sure just how well that comes across. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Daniel Boone- childhood hero, frontiersman
John Wayne- favorite cowboy actor
Stan Lee- father of Marvel Universe, drew my favorite comic book
My Grandpa- i missed him
I hope this clears up the Why for you. Thank you for reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from bob cullen
Loved your fourth guest. It brought a nice reality that I personally enjoyed. I'm not sure who I would have invited, but John Wayne sure would have been high on my wife's list
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Loved your fourth guest. It brought a nice reality that I personally enjoyed. I'm not sure who I would have invited, but John Wayne sure would have been high on my wife's list
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from barkingdog
They sound like an interesting group to me. They all made important contributions. Your grandpa made you. :)
A few punctuation suggestions:
-She arranged this party(,) dummy, I thought.
-Before I could shut the door(,) a dapper bespectacled man(,) carrying a bottle of red wine(,) showed up.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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They sound like an interesting group to me. They all made important contributions. Your grandpa made you. :)
A few punctuation suggestions:
-She arranged this party(,) dummy, I thought.
-Before I could shut the door(,) a dapper bespectacled man(,) carrying a bottle of red wine(,) showed up.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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I appreciate the editing tips. Thank you for reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from way2gokevs
Well what a surprising birthday story you have birthed here, I would never have thought to have those famous guests, well done, best of luck for your thoughtful story. Cheers, Kev.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Well what a surprising birthday story you have birthed here, I would never have thought to have those famous guests, well done, best of luck for your thoughtful story. Cheers, Kev.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Thank you very much Kev. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from LisaMay
I loved it! What a brilliant way to celebrate your birthday. I especially liked Grandpa being there to enjoy the experience with you.
Your punctuation needs help. Some suggestions:
She wiped away some tears and gave me (a) disdainful look.
"Of course they are, Silly, settle down... etc"
This would be better in 2 sentences, punctuated like this:
"Of course they are, Silly. Settle down... etc"
We had debated on the menu,(instead of comma, have semicolon or full stop) I wanted spaghetti, but
that would have (been) more excited about my birthday than I was.
couldn't believe what I was seeing. (instead of full stop put a colon or dash and have lower case 'a') A man about 5'10"
stood there dumbfounded, (instead of comma, put semicolon, or full stop and start new sentence with cap 'D') did Anna really spend money
This was cool even if it was reenact or. (What did you intend to finish the sentence with?)
"Just call me Dan'l ma'am,(not comma, semicolon or full stop) I'd take a glass of that,"
and a 10 gallon Stetson (full stop here, then cap 'H') he was holding
"Mr. Wayne (add comma) the party
on the patio, (not comma. Use full stop then cap 'C') could I take that?"
She arranged this party(add comma) dummy, I thought.
"Excelsior, is this the party place,(not comma, should be question mark) I'm Stan Lee."
special guests coming, (not comma, use full stop then cap 'T') this is only three."
he is a real special guest,(not comma, use full stop) I'd like to escort him
Go mingle with your guests (add full stop and cap 'T') they'll have to leave
"Earl (add comma) your last guest has arrived."
I ignore(d) the proffered hand
"Hi(add comma) Grandpa, I've missed you.(add ")
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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I loved it! What a brilliant way to celebrate your birthday. I especially liked Grandpa being there to enjoy the experience with you.
Your punctuation needs help. Some suggestions:
She wiped away some tears and gave me (a) disdainful look.
"Of course they are, Silly, settle down... etc"
This would be better in 2 sentences, punctuated like this:
"Of course they are, Silly. Settle down... etc"
We had debated on the menu,(instead of comma, have semicolon or full stop) I wanted spaghetti, but
that would have (been) more excited about my birthday than I was.
couldn't believe what I was seeing. (instead of full stop put a colon or dash and have lower case 'a') A man about 5'10"
stood there dumbfounded, (instead of comma, put semicolon, or full stop and start new sentence with cap 'D') did Anna really spend money
This was cool even if it was reenact or. (What did you intend to finish the sentence with?)
"Just call me Dan'l ma'am,(not comma, semicolon or full stop) I'd take a glass of that,"
and a 10 gallon Stetson (full stop here, then cap 'H') he was holding
"Mr. Wayne (add comma) the party
on the patio, (not comma. Use full stop then cap 'C') could I take that?"
She arranged this party(add comma) dummy, I thought.
"Excelsior, is this the party place,(not comma, should be question mark) I'm Stan Lee."
special guests coming, (not comma, use full stop then cap 'T') this is only three."
he is a real special guest,(not comma, use full stop) I'd like to escort him
Go mingle with your guests (add full stop and cap 'T') they'll have to leave
"Earl (add comma) your last guest has arrived."
I ignore(d) the proffered hand
"Hi(add comma) Grandpa, I've missed you.(add ")
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Thank you very much for the punctuation help, my editing skills aren't up to par, especially when I write something and post it quick before the deadline. I appreciate you not dinging me on the stars with all of those errors.
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Aah, those pesky deadline panics. The story was too good to punish you, Earl. Thanks for the review nomination.
Comment from djsaxon
A really innovative write. Entertaining form go to whoa, and yes, a very fun read. The Grandpa closer was unexpected and moving. best wishes for the contest. Cheers - DJ
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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A really innovative write. Entertaining form go to whoa, and yes, a very fun read. The Grandpa closer was unexpected and moving. best wishes for the contest. Cheers - DJ
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Thank you very much DJ. I wanted to do something different than JFK, MLK, and Abe Lincoln. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Maria Millsaps
This an exciting event with a surprising, ending. I like the way you continued the suspense throughout the story to the end.
I was not sure what a 10 gallon Stetson is. Are you trying to say the Stetson was large?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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This an exciting event with a surprising, ending. I like the way you continued the suspense throughout the story to the end.
I was not sure what a 10 gallon Stetson is. Are you trying to say the Stetson was large?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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A Stetson is a large cowboy hat. Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.
