Gun For Hire
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Runs With The Wind"First the war...the marshal
3 total reviews
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
Jeb, there's much to commend about your narrating a pioneer life in the old West. You present living characters, use suitable dialog, engage in live action, and keep the reader turning the pages.
It's evident you write about what you know. Your description is graphic, especially about the atrocities of scalping and gutting a defenseless woman.
On the negative side, please always proof read your stories before submitting for readers. S[ecifical;;y, work hard on puncuation. You have run-on sentences, wheredyou fail to end andstart new entence.
It is good thatyou clip sentences, likedropoingthe article a and other words. lI think your diction, your dialog isappropriate to thecharacter and the situation.
As for depicting history, your graphic details oftheviolence toward lthe comanche andApache, thaat might pass the cultural tesst, but as you knowcurently you wouldbe called a racist.
Don
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Jeb, there's much to commend about your narrating a pioneer life in the old West. You present living characters, use suitable dialog, engage in live action, and keep the reader turning the pages.
It's evident you write about what you know. Your description is graphic, especially about the atrocities of scalping and gutting a defenseless woman.
On the negative side, please always proof read your stories before submitting for readers. S[ecifical;;y, work hard on puncuation. You have run-on sentences, wheredyou fail to end andstart new entence.
It is good thatyou clip sentences, likedropoingthe article a and other words. lI think your diction, your dialog isappropriate to thecharacter and the situation.
As for depicting history, your graphic details oftheviolence toward lthe comanche andApache, thaat might pass the cultural tesst, but as you knowcurently you wouldbe called a racist.
Don
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Mr. Cassidy, Your positive comments are noted and appreciated. Your negative comments are noted and will be reviewed. I appreciate the time you took to review and comment on the work. I'm always open to learning. [Your text comments are either your way of demonstrating your point; or you also tend to run words together; either way your point is made. ] Thank you, Sir.
Comment from JLR
I very nicely paced read for this reader. Having grown up reading westerns you truly have a firm grasp on the life on the plains. I would like to suggest a possible correction ... ma'am would be proper hyphenation, I believe. Good luck
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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I very nicely paced read for this reader. Having grown up reading westerns you truly have a firm grasp on the life on the plains. I would like to suggest a possible correction ... ma'am would be proper hyphenation, I believe. Good luck
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review "Runs With The Wind". The suggestion is noted and will be addressed. Again, thank you, for you kind words.
Comment from fm wright
First of all, I grew up reading Zane Grey and Louie L"mour, so I was thrilled to read this piece. However, so it doesn't run together, I might have put a comma after oak and before rifle in hand he steps forward. There should also be an apostrophe in your first ma'am. I might also separate arrows were not of the Apache & could be Comanch. Anyway, enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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First of all, I grew up reading Zane Grey and Louie L"mour, so I was thrilled to read this piece. However, so it doesn't run together, I might have put a comma after oak and before rifle in hand he steps forward. There should also be an apostrophe in your first ma'am. I might also separate arrows were not of the Apache & could be Comanch. Anyway, enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Thank you, for taking the time to read and review "Runs With The Wind". You constructive comments are greatly appreciated and will be address. Again, Thank you.
