The Kid Is Born
Injustice has some strange children16 total reviews
Comment from mobileliz
I thought of Billy the Kid when I saw the title. Short and to the point. It told the whole story with no wasted words. No typos either. I'd like to see something like this about Jesse James.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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I thought of Billy the Kid when I saw the title. Short and to the point. It told the whole story with no wasted words. No typos either. I'd like to see something like this about Jesse James.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Thanks for reviving!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with your contest entry. You told a plausible, although fictional, story is the small space allowed. The image is a great choice. Your words read well. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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You did a good job with your contest entry. You told a plausible, although fictional, story is the small space allowed. The image is a great choice. Your words read well. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Thanks again Jan!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Why not indeed! And if he killed the man to help his mum out, good for him! He wasn't all evil. Lol. Well done, this is a great little flash fiction story. I wish you luck! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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Why not indeed! And if he killed the man to help his mum out, good for him! He wasn't all evil. Lol. Well done, this is a great little flash fiction story. I wish you luck! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 17-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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Thank you for reviewing, appreciated!
Comment from Susan Newell
This is an interesting take on the legend and I love the finishing pun. I know that word count is important, but I had a problem with all the pronouns in the first paragraph. "He" and "him" are ambiguous and take a lot of sorting out. Maybe you can fix that.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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This is an interesting take on the legend and I love the finishing pun. I know that word count is important, but I had a problem with all the pronouns in the first paragraph. "He" and "him" are ambiguous and take a lot of sorting out. Maybe you can fix that.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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Yes, a weakness of mine and one another reviewer mentioned as well.
Will fix it asap. Thanks again!
Comment from muffinmama
It's as good a story as any other to explain how Billy the Kid got started, and better than most!
Defending your mother's honor is no mean feat - LOL
One recommendation: In the first paragraph, you have several instances of 'he/him'. It's difficult to know which he is the lawman and which is Billy. Perhaps change to:
He hadn't meant to shoot the lawman, but when the lawman tried to collect more than rent from his mother, Billy killed him like a dog.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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It's as good a story as any other to explain how Billy the Kid got started, and better than most!
Defending your mother's honor is no mean feat - LOL
One recommendation: In the first paragraph, you have several instances of 'he/him'. It's difficult to know which he is the lawman and which is Billy. Perhaps change to:
He hadn't meant to shoot the lawman, but when the lawman tried to collect more than rent from his mother, Billy killed him like a dog.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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Thanks! Good advice! A real weakness.
Comment from L. Kalere
I was going to ask if it was a true story then I saw your notes. Yes, indeed why not another one. Who knows by now what he really was. Your premise was reasonable, as well as his reaction. Well done.
Linda
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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I was going to ask if it was a true story then I saw your notes. Yes, indeed why not another one. Who knows by now what he really was. Your premise was reasonable, as well as his reaction. Well done.
Linda
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Yes, poor Billy could have used a fairy tale ending. Thanks for reviewing!
Comment from royowen
Good to see you Back "in the saddle" so to speak dear Denis, how are things, keeping safe and away from the viral menace? We've had it good here, "only" 900 deaths here so far, and only expats returning, infected, then the isolated for awhile, good to here you, Yes Billy the Kid, great character, why not another story? Blessings to you and fam. Roy
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Good to see you Back "in the saddle" so to speak dear Denis, how are things, keeping safe and away from the viral menace? We've had it good here, "only" 900 deaths here so far, and only expats returning, infected, then the isolated for awhile, good to here you, Yes Billy the Kid, great character, why not another story? Blessings to you and fam. Roy
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Hi Roy,
Good to be back for a bit. We are doing fine, my wife and I got both shots with some trepidation but all in all, figured it was the right way to go. No problems so far, but a little tricky putting on my hat with the new antlers growing out of my head...:) God bless, Dennis
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Heh heh like, in Australia we only get new pouches growing, marsupials you know.
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that's a keeper quip! :)
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Well done
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thanks
Comment from Ava Wilson
This is an amazing entry for this contest. I was drawn into the story from the very beginning and I absolutely love the ending! You deserve to win. Good luck!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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This is an amazing entry for this contest. I was drawn into the story from the very beginning and I absolutely love the ending! You deserve to win. Good luck!
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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Thank you so much! Very kind of you...
Comment from PriscillaAdelleCordell
Hi, good topic for this dribble flash fiction. I am afraid to tell you that this isn't a story, it is a statement or a recount. To be a story it must have a beginning, a complication and a resolution. All good stories are modelled on the three act play and you can google this and find out. The challenge with dribble and flash fiction is to achieve this in few words, but nevertheless, it still needs to be something more than a statement, which is what you have here.
Otherwise, I noticed no grammatical errors and if you edit, get back to me and I will have a look at it for you, cheers, Deb.
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reply by the author on 20-Jun-2019
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Hi, good topic for this dribble flash fiction. I am afraid to tell you that this isn't a story, it is a statement or a recount. To be a story it must have a beginning, a complication and a resolution. All good stories are modelled on the three act play and you can google this and find out. The challenge with dribble and flash fiction is to achieve this in few words, but nevertheless, it still needs to be something more than a statement, which is what you have here.
Otherwise, I noticed no grammatical errors and if you edit, get back to me and I will have a look at it for you, cheers, Deb.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2019
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It?s the story of how Billy became Billy the Kid. What you want is a rewrite not an edit. You can check out edit on Google.
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I think you get my meaning. It isn't a story, there is no complication and it is just a statement or two. And remember, it's you on review, not me.
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I suggest you stick to your other interests, as you have no credible background with me. Even your opinion is not really yours but is based on a literary formula someone taught you. And even if you had a worthwhile bit of advice, it would be nullified by your air of superiority.
Put up some of your own writing and let's see what you've got. Otherwise, back off.
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I got your mean...
Comment from Earl Corp
Yes why not one more? I'm surprised you went with a western theme for a flash fiction contest, but it works for me and you get my vote. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Yes why not one more? I'm surprised you went with a western theme for a flash fiction contest, but it works for me and you get my vote. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Thanks, but why not western?
