Reviews from

Undiscovered Country

a 5-7-5

22 total reviews 
Comment from dragonpoet
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

These few words and syllables is a strong metaphor for the path to death.
It is a romantic view of where you go after you die.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing.
dragonpoet

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
    Thanks, DP
reply by dragonpoet on 15-Jun-2019
    You're welcome. Bill.
    ~Joan
Comment from Six-Star Writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I wish I could discover an undiscovered country--as long as it has a Starbucks. But, alas, that ship has sailed, as I don't believe there are any undiscovered countries for this man. Only hard, physical labor, stress, and loneliness. Thank God for coffee, though.

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
    Perhaps an undiscovered coffee awaits.
Comment from Earl Corp
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This poem Undiscovered Country reminds me of the old sayings that Every man is a vessel and every man is an island. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
    Thank you, Earl.
Comment from judiverse
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

"And may there be no moaning of the bar when I put out to sea." Great reference to the quote from Hamlet. "An undiscovered country" is such an apt description. We don't know what's ahead when we debark. Your lines all bring in the sailing analogy very well. Beautifully worded, and best of luck in the contest. judi

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
    Thank you, Judi, for the kind review. Bill
reply by judiverse on 14-Jun-2019
    You're welcome. Have a great weekend. judi
Comment from susand3022
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

An undiscovered country??? Can I come too??? Can I? Huh? Can I? Huh? Can I? Can I? Huh??? LOL I'd really like to find a place that nobody has ever found, touched or will find me! LOL (just let me tap into the sattelite above for my wi-fi! LOL :)

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
    Not so fast, Susan. The undiscovered country is the afterlife. Much as Hamlet feared -what dreams may come- he restated it again with this reference to the unknown. Thanks for reviewing. Bill
reply by susand3022 on 15-Jun-2019
    How come I can't just move to another solar system? ;)
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
    Okay. Nothing to stop you. Send a post card.
reply by susand3022 on 15-Jun-2019
    I'll ask the next powerball winner for the cash for a rocket ticket! Better yet... a rocket! LOL
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Your old ship has reached an undiscovered country and now you have to unload goods from the ship; well said, well done. Write-Inspire-Change --DR ALCREATOR

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
    Thanks, ALD
Comment from RodG
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I am thinking you wish your reader to think of this as a metaphor, Bill. The Speaker is the "old ship" nearing the end of his life. "Undiscovered country"--where he will debark--is the Hereafter. Rod

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
    Right, right, and right. Thanks, Rod.
reply by RodG on 14-Jun-2019
    My pleasure. Rod
Comment from Carla Trinklein
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is intriguing! It's hard enough to sail uncharted waters when one is young, let alone to try and do it as we get older! Yet do it we must, or we grow stagnant. Your poem is lovely, and the syllable count spot on.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
    Thanks, Carla, for the great review. Bill
Comment from Mark D. R.
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Bill,

I have no problem with your use of 'debark' in your verse. Its meaning was 100% clear to me. I really was unsure if it wasn't correct or not.

I knew that a sailing ship was a bark or barque so you may have used it with your poetic double entendre intention.

My suggestion is place it in single quotes or note in your author's comments.

The dictionary lookup:

bark noun (3)
variants: or barque
Definition of bark (Entry 5 of 5)
1a : a small sailing ship
b : a sailing ship of three or more masts with the aftmost mast fore-and-aft rigged and the others square-rigged

Good luck for your entry

Mark

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
    I appreciate your help, Mark. Debark is actually a well-known word which means to leave a ship. It is most likely based on that connection to the poetic name used for ship. The metaphor is, of course, the speaker dying and going to the undiscovered country, which is the afterlife.
reply by Mark D. R. on 14-Jun-2019
    Bill,

    When I looked at Merriam-Webster online, I did not see your definition. Regardless, it makes sense as you used it.

    Mark
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
    Hi, Mark. I went to Merriam online and see the first definition to be disembark, which is to leave a ship. The second definition is to take bark off lumber.
reply by Mark D. R. on 14-Jun-2019
    yes Bill! That was what I saw too!

    I'm OK with 'debark' or ( " dis'bark " ) for disembark
    !
Comment from lyenochka
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I like the contrast of the "old ship" and the "undiscovered country." I feel like it's a metaphor of my "old mind" ready to discover new things. Or it could have a metaphysical meaning of the "old body" ready to debark in the undiscovered country of Heaven.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2019


reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
    It works for both, of course. My use of the title is from Hamlet?s reference to- what dreams may come. Bill