Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

An interesting chapter Tony, especially the way you've wound Bisto's ancestors in with Helen's. Now I'm wondering what did become of Great Grandfather. Another little twist,
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019

Thanks, Valda. This part may seem like a side road in the story, but I'm hoping to use it to draw some of the other parts together as the tale wends its way towards a conclusion. Thanks for your positive comments. All the best, Tony

Comment from giraffmang

Exceptional

Hi Tony,

I get the feeling there's more to this story of Bisto's family than he's letting on. Another excellent chapter, full of nice phrasing and a good warm feeling. beautifully drawn out.

All the best
G

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019

Thanks, G. I appreciate your comments and the sixth star. This story is beginning to develop in a way that draws it away from my original premise but I think I?ll let it run for a while and see what happens.

Comment from rspoet

Exceptional

Hello Tony,
I like this chapter. It delves deeply into the characters - their history, connections, and misconceptions.
The markhor is a great symbol; "protected by Peris, the faerie folk of the mountains." And therein hinges the plot. It seems the curse may be very, very real.
Perhaps, Peris will be watching over Helen and Charles.
Well done, looking forward to the next chapter.
Robert

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019

Thanks, Robert. I appreciate your comments and the sixth star. This story is beginning to develop in a way that draws it away from my original premise but I think I?ll let it run for a while and see what happens.

Comment from Pam (respa)

Exceptional

-I like how you continue showing
the compassion of Charles for Bisto.
-The setting is good since it is casual,
and they can share a quiet meal.
-When Charles returns to the table,
the conversation between Helen
and Bisto is certainly animated.
-It's good they returned to small talk.
-Good transition with the car ride, and then
Helen excusing herself quite "theatrically."
-Bisto continues about the Markhor, but
Charles politely indicates that wouldn't be
a good thing to mention to Helen.
-From Bisto's comments about
the faeries, it's a good thing, too!
-The ending is very intriguing-Charles seems
a bit put off by Bisto questioning him
about believing in that "tommyrot."
-Then, for a reason unknown, he
mentions Bisto's great grandfather.
-It is a mystery, but then that is what
novels are all about!
-Hopefully, there isn't a dark secret
lingering in Bisto's past that comes
back to haunt him!

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019

Thanks, Pam. I appreciate your comments and the sixth star. I hadn?t expected Bisto to develop into a significant character but now he?s here, I shall have to make use of him in ways I?d not at first anticipated. Clearly the story is going to be a longer one than planned. Did I say ?planned?? LOL!

reply by Pam (respa) on 12-Jun-2019

You are welcome and deserving, Tony, and thanks for sharing. I hope Bisto doesn't go to the wrong side; he is too nice of a character. That would be my suggestion not to change him too much. You don't want to mess with a beloved character- just my opinion!

Comment from Sophia Delgado

Exceptional

I love this! Each character has a distinct voice that contributes to the setting. I can get a feel for their personalities even in the small but I've read. I'm curious to read the res of it now; it feels like I've jumped into a published book. Very enjoyable. I've also added "boor" to my vocabulary.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019

I very much appreciate your comments about the character definition in this chapter. Also your high praise and six stars! Thank you!

Comment from WryWriter

Excellent

As usual, a fantastic chapter that sticks the reader to its page and won't let go. Some pesky comments below that were on my mind but can be ignored. LOL! LOL!

"I needed to see a man about a horse," (Would love to see a great author such as yourself come up with something different instead of this cliché.)

[I gave her a brief kiss. "All right, then. See you later."] (Everything's right now between us or 'alright' as in okay then?)

"Isn't that a markhor?" (This creature's name reminds me of Mount Hor. Wonder if it had anything to do with the goat's naming?)

Enjoyed reading your work!!

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019

Very many thanks for your review and comments. I'll have another look at the cliché and see if I can improve upon it.
Your comment about "all right" is interesting. "Alright" is beginning to gain traction these days, which would make my old English teacher turn in his grave - if you'll excuse another cliché!
The derivation of 'markhor' is interesting but uncertain. It's thought to come from the Persian word for a snake, maybe because of the corkscrew horns, or perhaps because of the animal's ability to kill snakes.

reply by WryWriter on 13-Jun-2019

Thank you for the information about markhor. I have to agree with you about the traction of more slang terminology now instead of what we were taught. English perversion at its finest. LOL!

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Oh - more people are coming into the story. Will we get the backstory about Bisto's great-grandfather? So wonderful that he knows about his story and maybe there's a connection with Helen's ancestors? Keep up the great storytelling, Tony!

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019

Thanks for your review of this, Helen. The backstory about Bisto's great-grandfather is now posted on the front page - in two parts.

Comment from Mastery

Excellent

Hi, Tony. I see your novel chapter is up for BOM. Good for you. I have your back on that one.

Thi is another fine chapter in your book. I don't understand this however: "k. I should only be playing gooseberry." ?? What is that? LOL

One suggestion this go round. to alleviate the use of an unnecessary adverb here: "Bisto looked at me strangely and said nothing." Say: "Bistro glanced at me in an inquisitive manner, but said nothing."

Good job, my fiend. Bob

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019

Thanks very much, Bob.
"Playing gooseberry" or being the gooseberry is a British idiom meaning to be a third person in a group when the other two want to be alone. A chaperone would be an example. I'm not sure of the derivation, though gooseberries do tend to be sour.
I'm not sure that replacing an adverb with an adverbial phrase is necessarily an improvement. However, I've looked at that last sentence again and now simplified it to "Bisto gave me a strange look and said nothing." Thanks for suggesting I review it. It's better without the adverb.

reply by Mastery on 13-Jun-2019

Thank you for taking the time to explain that, Tony. :) Bob

Comment from diamondbogle

Excellent

I liked your story. I thought it flowed nicely and I didnt see any major mistakes. I like that it can be read sort of independent of the original story but yet it makes me want to read previous chapters. Good job.

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019

Thanks very much for dropping by to review. I appreciate your comments. Best wishes, Tony.

Comment from Heather Knight

Excellent

Great dialogues. Very natural speech patterns.

I like the names: Bisto, Biggles.

I have a question: why have you written Markhor with a capital m?

Mountain fairies... sounds interesting.

Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019

Thanks for your kind comments about the dialogue. Appreciated.
The capitalisation of Markhor is a mistake. Thanks for drawing my attention to it.